


best friendship (a kiss is all it takes)

by moonji



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Adulthood, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, College, I removed the tags because I don't want to be spoiling y'allsies, M/M, OC girl - Freeform, Original Character(s), Pining, Secret Crush, Slow Burn, and to provide some sort of thrill factor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2020-01-12 14:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 66,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonji/pseuds/moonji
Summary: All I can do is love even though it hurts so much.Alternatively:Donghyuck realizes he likes his best friend, Mark, and has a relatively hard time because of that knowledge.





	1. the friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction to their friendship(?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm. Yuh. So this is going to be a multi-chaptered fic (?) IDK. But I seriously love the concept and this work has been SITTING ON MY DRAFTS FOR ETERNITY so I'm deciding to publish it.
> 
> Uhm. It's not really that good? Idek. You can tell me in the comments down below teehee! Drop a comment (and thoe precious kudos for this hoe) down below and share your thoughts maybe?
> 
> *whispers* you can also share this work to others hihi
> 
> Okay bye. See u st the end!
> 
> P.S. unfortunately, past me decided to make it a first person point of view story so i'm going to continue it at that. ok.

Donghyuck's P.O.V.

 

_And in the end I fell, my heart rendered broken, unkept by it's unsuspecting captor. To this day it remains broken, yearning for the one who made it beat relentlessly to patch it -- heal it._

 

With a bated exhale, I closed the book in my hands as I let my tears fall relentlessly down my heated cheeks, my mind in a state of pure anguish and sorrow.

 

It's a wonder why it's oddly painful for me to read such passage. But then again, the thought of falling helplessly and hopelessly in-love with someone who shouldn't even be loved in that light entering my mind is like an unprecedented earthquake -- devastating. I could severely feel the emotions felt by the main character, added the fact that the story is very well-written.

 

"Duckie? Are you okay?! What happened?" A rushed, almost panicked, sounding cry was all it took for me to bounce in my seat in shock; although I had quickly calmed down when I realized the voice's familiarity.

 

I was about to nag when not a second later, a pair of hands grip on my shoulders tightly, shocking me once again. Seriously? Can I get a break from all these surprises?

 

"Are you hurt anywhere? Did someone mess with you," Mark asks me again. A defeated sigh escapes my lips and I pouted as I turned my upper body to face him. _Mark._

 

He was staring at me with visible concern in his slightly blown eyes, his irises slightly moving up and down the whites as what I can assume of him analyzing me.

 

"Mark," was the only word-answer I squeaked out, which when taking into account his question, is a lack thereof. I wordlessly scooted closer to him, enveloping his torso in an oxygen-bating hug. I let myself seek comfort in his warmth to lessen the ache that still tugged at my chest.

 

Mark stayed silent for a couple of seconds in our position, only ever patting my back as if to say he was still alive before saying, "Wow, well, this is completely unexpected." He even used a very-much sarcastic tone.

 

"I didn't even shed a single tear when I read that." His patting ceased then, indicating that he had already noticed the book I was reading (wherever it had landed).

 

I sniffed before looking at him, making sure to inject every ounce of cuteness I could summon at the moment in a poor attempt to appease his worries but the aforementioned man just raised his eyebrows on me. I exaggeratedly rolled my eyes, a small scoff escaping my lips before I let go of him. "Well, I'm sorry I have a heart and you don't. You barely cry over anything, you heartless monster," I accused, whisper-shouting the last part.

 

"And don't judge me. I'll judge you back," I add, a smile on my lips.

 

A hearty laugh escaped Mark's thin lips, his eyes crinkling and his head slightly bent back, before he envelopes me into a half hug, one where he was just slinging one arm over my shoulder and the other barely wrapping on my waist. "You know that will never happen though, right," he asks, tone mischevious as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. I turned away before huffing, trying to pull an 'I'm pissed off' façade I'm sure tragically looks not like what I want it to be.

 

But I was and still am weak, so only a few seconds into my act I turned to look at him only to see Mark smile brightly at me. Without anything else to say, he started picking up my things that were sprawled over the library table I currently occupied. And when he was done, he started walking away, only looking back once to motion me to follow.

 

I quickly followed suit, scrambling to get up, tuck the chair back in, and jogging off to his side. I slung my arm on his shoulder and say, "Let's go."

 

And as we paced our way out of the school library, I tried to zone out the different stares our schoolmates gave us. I mean, it's nothing new. Things like so tend to happen quite a lot so I've grown accustomed to receiving such treatment.

 

They base it on our very, very close relationship; people tend to argue based solely on how we're so intimate. And I get it; for peole who have little to no knowledge about the relationship we share, it's easy to misidentify the intent of our actions and think of it differently.

 

But Mark's been my best friend since forever, and I'm pretty sure I have no feelings other than pure, chaste friendship for him. Sure, we get very clingy (and dare I divulge, cuddly) with one another, but that doesn't mean any romantic feelings are involved. No way.

 

So, as millenials call it; no homo. Really, no. Period -- end of discussion.

 

•×•

 

"Psst!" My ear twitched when I heard him call, voice thin yet loud at the same time. And although I badly want to turn and look at him, I kept to my place, fearing what was to come if I were to be caught talking _by our hellish professor._

_This man really just wants a piece of a bloody sermon!_

 

It would be like committing academic suicide if I had given in to his prodding. And that's because we're currently in our Sciences class. And goodness forbids Professor Leona would allow ever the slightest talking in this subject.

 

Said Professor literally is the living proof that the devil exists; she has this power to make it scary to even think of disobeying the rules. One time, she caught two students whispering to each other while she was talking about the concept of spatial forces (which everybody knows) and made them go in front of the mini-stage to continue talking. That wasn't even the worst part; making them yell each word was really the cherry on top.

 

No one should even attempt to lie because she's not afraid to throw out one-month detentions like the punishment's garbage.

 

So, Mark, _thank u, next._

 

"Psst, Duckie. Notice me please~," he calls again, voice more pleading this time as if his boredom is really something I should consider risking my whole academic life for. Well, not really, but the point's there!

 

A moment of hestation soon followed, and good heavens I hate myself for being so weak when it came to him. Leave it to Mark to make me feel obliged to do reckless things.

 

Okay, so my options are: throw our friendship away and live my academic life peacefully without the constant fear of my grades dropping, or treasure our friendship more than my studies and not risk him sulking?

 

If I were to talk to him, I'll be dead meat if Professor Leona catches my ass. But on the upside, I won't be dealing with Mark's overly sulky ass.

 

What's of more importance: my academics or my best friend?

 

"Goodness, bang my life on the ass," I mumbled to myself, my self-control crumbling to pieces as I imagine at the back of my mind him doing me dirty with those puppy eyes of his. That _always_ did the trick.

 

I checked on my chances of survival, which were pretty slim with the way Professor Leona's eyes flit faster than the speed of light from one student to another. When she turns back to scribble something on the board, I quickly sneak a glance at Mark.

 

"What do you want," I deadpanned, attempting to look annoyed at him who had pouted his lips and eyes rounded. He then proceeded to tilt his head _like an actual freaking puppy._

 

Cute.

 

Wait. What the flying fax? Erase. Erase. He doesn't look all that cute. He looks stupidly hideous with that stupid (read: cute) expression on his stupid face.

 

"Nothing." A devious smile stretches on his face to which I rival with a raised brow and I'm sure if looks could kill, he would've been sprawled on the floor ages ago. "I'm kidding! Geez, why so uptight?" He huffed. "Entertain me. She's so perpetually boring."

 

As if that made his whole point any better. It didn't, at all.

 

But being the person that I am: being the caring, loving, _most amazing best friend that I am,_ although very  ~~willing~~  hesitant to give myself to our friendship, I will. Just because I'm good like that.

 

But, then again.

 

I flashed him a sweet smile -- a very sweet one at that. "Okay." He visibly light up at my proclamation. "Are you ready," I ask and he nods vigorously. I had to keep a straight face as a plan swirled on my head.

 

After counting to three, I wordlessly went back to my previous position and did not look back even when he groaned and grumbled right after.

 

By then Professor had filled half of the board with note-worthy information that had me groaning in my seat. It would've been _fine_ but with her penmanship that actually resembles the size of, like, the smallest grains of rice, it would be the death of my hands copying those wrods scribbled on the board. I give up!

 

Ugh. But what can a measly student do? Shove her out the window? Mow her freaking head? No, because school's like; _eff you bicch, you need to suffer._ So although begrudgingly, I picked up my pen and tried my best not to tear the pages of my notebook off.

 

About an hour later, Professor Leona announces, "Okay, you're dismissed. Don't forget to hand in your research paper due next week, Monday." Majority of the class only released the minutest of groans which she, as what I can only assume, pretended not to hear.

 

I gathered my things and tucked them neatly inside my bag before looking at Mark, laughing when I saw his 'devastated' form. He had his head on his chair arm, left cheek resting on the surface as he pulled the most exaggerated pout the world had seen for, like, ever.

 

This insufferable man. Already sulking after that?

 

"Markie~ C'mon, let's go." I smiled at him while poking his side. To my amusement, he didn't budge. In lieu of a response, he only snorted and turned away from me.

 

"This big baby," I mutter under my breath with an annoyed tone but in actuality, it is this characteristic of him that makes him undeniably fresh most of the time.

 

I pretended to sigh out of frustration. "Okay, if you don't want to, then fine. I'm going on my own." Without waiting for a response, I started walking out of the room. 

 

A smile formed on my lips when I felt a hand hold my arm gently, tugging it as if how a small child will. I turn around to look at him. He still had this 'undescribable' look of faux hurt in his face but the smallest upturned corners of his lips proved to be a clear indicator that that wasn't really the case.

 

"You're seriously not going to chase after me, are you, you heartless beast," he exclaims and continues with the most dramatic spiel. "If you were the one getting all theatrical, I would've been bent on making you less mad. Does our friendship really mean nothing to you?"

 

I laughed at his dramatic lamentations and drew myself closer to throw an arm over his shoulder. "Bold of you to assume I do the chasing, you big fool. But bolder of you to assume I don't know when you're pulling off an act. You're so vastly different when angry." He smiles at that, slightly nudging me with a brief movement.

 

A couple of seconds later, he sighs, smile fading but quickly returning on his face. "Whatever. Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's that for chapter one? As I said (no I'm really not desperate) drop your comments down below ahe!


	2. mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A morning in Donghyuck abd Mark's life(?) idk. I really don't know to summarize but that's basically it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who gave out kudos! I'm lit so happy with the appreciative gesture. Awuuu! Keep on tuning in for the future MarkHyuck tea, sis?
> 
> Okay, so without further ado! Lezgedditon!

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
Okay, it seriously feels like my brain is being squished dry but there's still no single train of thought that have made itself present in my mind, which doesn't help with this research paper I couldn't get my way through. I've been miserably staring at my laptop for two hours, and spoiler alert, my eyes feel as if they're burning to permanent blindness.  
  
To think this morning I woke up with a smile, excited of what I was going to do to utilize such a beautiful day. But, as it turned out, I couldn't really do any of the activites I planned out because of one simple mishap. Right, I have not started my hellish research paper.  
  
I don't know how it slipped my mind so inconviniently. I mean, Professor Leona literally reminded the whole class of the task during our last lecture, which happened on a Wednesday. Which, need I say was just about two days ago!  
  
"Ugh," I groan to myself, slightly bending my body forward as I ran my hands along my face. Thinking I still have a multitude of pages left to go is giving me a migraine being as I haven't even scratched the surface with the puny four pages my brain was able to whiff out for all two hours I was glued to my seat.  
  
How much I want to throw my laptop to its inevitable destruction is overwhelming, really. Wait, better than that is throwing Professor Leona away, locking her in Tartarus and never speaking of her being again! Because when I think about this bloody research paper, it doesn't even correlate with anything she's been talking about for the past few meetings. It's deeply triggering.  
  
But, okay, fine. I don't have the power to just disregard her. So whatever, I just need to endure. And even when the urge to throw a huge tantrum is so high up my system, I'm going to be the better person and take the high road. Also, Mark's still sleeping and I don't have the heart to wake him up just because. I can't be shouting when my table's in the same room as our shared bed, can't I?  
  
It would be extremely rude of me to vent my frustrations while sacrificing his sleep. To think it's still nine o'clock in the morning, and considering he'd stayed up late until one o'clock (because of what I can only assume that he'd been playing FPS games on his laptop), it's rather jarring to be woken up so early.  
  
And, I love my dear life. I'd rather not be on the recieving end of his awoken-from-sleep tantrums. I've been there and don't want to experience what I've been through, again.  
  
Anyway, Mark and I have been living together for over a year now. Being in a relatively far-from-home college, we'd decided it would be ultimately better for us to live together on a boarding house or a dormitory. But we're neither the two aforementioned places.  
  
Our parents, who thankfully are good friends with one another and are really good to us decided that the two of us would be better off in an actual house or an apartment rather than a dorm or hostel-establishment. That way, our living situation wouldn't be much of a hassle. Personally, I would've loathed the idea of living in a building alone with another person. I don't know but it's my better judgement that it would've been so awkward to share a house with a person I haven't been accustomed to. And the feeling of domesticity of the whole scenario just didn't help make me feel better about it.  
  
I'd rather be living my best college life in a dormitory or boarding house even if the slight hustle and bustle of different people is prevalent if it meant I wouldn't be severely awkward. I guess I'm weird like that.  
  
But since our parents so graciously offered to get us an apartment, I didn't even think of muttering a single complaint. Plus on the upside, it's not someone I hardly even know the name of who I'm going to room with, it's someone _I'm very familiar to._ So that's fine.  
  
Weirdly enough, the idea that Mark would be the one I'd be with for the duration of our stay in the apartment settled a comfortable feeling inside of me. It's like all of the negative connotations I have on rooming doesn't apply to him -- and only to him.  
  
It's been like this since forever, well, for as long as I can remember. With Mark, everything is admittedly slightly different. I guess I could credit it to his 'best friend' status with me, because for as long as I can remember, he's been there by my side. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought we even shared the same umbilical cord. He's been with me ever since then, and if that's enough reason as it is, my opinion on things drastically change when he's included on the equation.  
_  
Dammed power of friendship, so strong My Little Pony™ is shaking._  
  
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. I'm still perpetually stuck on my fourth page. That's right; I'm still far, far, very far from finishing this subpar research paper which my brain isn't able to comprehend. Good for me. _Great._  
  
I released a deep, clearly frustrated sigh and closed my eyes before clapping both of my hands together. In my head, I prayed to all the higher beings up above for a miracle to happen. Which, who am I kidding? _Them words won't be appearing on the computer screen any time soon._  
  
A few minutes in, a soft, somewhat gutteral grunt disrupts my stare-fest with the desktop. And I immediately turned to look at Mark from behind. He was comfortly nuzzling himself on the inwardly curved corner of the bed's headboard, his left arm flailing about (stretching) while he had his right bent as he rubbed the sleep off his eyes.  
  
_Awww! What a cutie!_  
  
I couldn't help fawn over the sight in front of me. Because it is very reminiscent of a cute little child.  
  
"Morning," he muttered peacefully, his morning voice albeit hoarse sounding pleasant to the ears.  
  
I smiled at him. "Morning. Did you sleep well?"  
  
It took him a few seconds to respond but his small nod proved to be his answer. I returned the gesture and went back to my work.  
  
"Hyuck." I hear him shuffling behind me, probably fixing his bed. To answer, I hummed in acknowledgement. "Have you eaten?"  
  
As if those were magical words, a rumbling sound reverberated (well, maybe not) inside the four corners of our room. Right, I haven't touched a single bit of food since waking up. I've been so caught up with this research paper I even forgot about eating anything.  
  
"A 'no' then?" He raised a knowing smirk to which I chuckle a bit while shaking my head to confirm.  
  
"Well, mind telling me what's been keeping you from your precious food?" By then I felt him settle behind me, his hand finding refuge on one side of my shoulders while his torso gently pressed against the back of mine in his attempt to see the monitor in its full glory.  
  
The warmth his body elicited spread in the places where his body touched mine. I couldn't help but lean slightly into the position. He's always been very warm -- and comforting, and inviting, and -- and -- well, nothing. I said nothing.  
  
"My research paper. I'm not finished, well, more of haven't started yet, but whatever." I settled for a nonchalant shrug that didn't do my dying brain any justice.  
  
I felt him breathe in such near proximity and his warm exhale fanned over the small expanse of my neck skin afte he released a sigh. "I thought you were done? You've been all things but frantic this week," he states, which could've been true. Usually, I'm this responsible student that hardly ever calms down when there's still unfinished school business sitting around for me to deal with.  
  
I took a glance at him. "I don't know? I really just forgot about it. How about you? Are you done?" He replies with an unexpected nod. "I am. Finalized it last night."  
  
My brow, seeming to have a life of its own, went heavenwards. I felt a tad bit betrayed he didn't ask me to make the dammed paper with him. What kind of toxic friendship is this?!  
  
"Why didn't you tell me then? I would've made it with you and be done with the stress ASAP." I snorted, dramatically running my hand through my hair. It beats me why I'm feeling so sensitive about such a petty thing. I guess I just didn't like the thought that he was doing things without me? Ah! I don't know!  
  
He scrunched his face weakly, his growing irritation becoming prevalent. "Need I remind you, I did. Plenty times actually. But you didn't even bat a lash. So, naturally, I thought you were done with yours." He flicked my forehead, and it got me thinking. Well, he has a point. Yesterday, I was so engrossed with binge-watching YouTube videos. And I just assumed he was playing games for the sole reason he had his headset on.  
  
To appease, I looked at him with a pout. "Sorry."  
  
He sighs softly and let a smile take over his schooled expression. "It's okay. I know you didn't really mean that," he says against the slightly cold morning breeze, his hand coming to ruffle my hair. We stayed like that for a couple of seconds before he spoke up again. "I have a proposition."  
  
"What might that proposition be?"  
  
"How about we grab brunch first, loosen up, then come back here? I'd help you with that all you want." By then, Mark had a look of determination on his face.  
  
Hmm. As much as I'd like to not part with my laptop for the sake of my nonexistent train of thought, his proposed option seems to be more practical (and delicious). Maybe I haven't been thinking right because the hunger was getting to me. That's a possibility. Plus, going out would be much better than being cooped up inside the four corners of our room.  
  
"Okay. Game."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop your thoughts on the comment teehee!


	3. eating out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark and Donghyuck go out to eat! ft. Donghyuck's thoughts per usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating for days straight because I'm probably going to go hiatus some part of this whole story making going on! HAHAHAHAHA! I am, in advance, sorry for that teehee.
> 
> Anyway, how are you liking it so far? I feel like it's a little (a lot) slow paced but I can assure you... it gets crappier. Haha!
> 
> Thank you for all you hoes giving kudos to this somewhat (really) crappy fic. I heart y'all~ Charenghae!
> 
> P.S. Tell me your thoughts!

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
"How about we eat at that newly opened chicken house? I've been dying, okay wanting, to go there ever since they had their soft opening," I said when I espied a particular, catchy poster pasted neatly on an advertisment board.  
  
I had trained my gaze on Mark as he walked alongside me, facing forward. His face contorts to that of his thinking expression.  
  
We're currently twenty minutes in on our search of the place where we wanted to dine in. The reason for such a long-ass time searching would definitely be Mark ranting about wanting to try some new diners other than our usual, cheaper go-to food chains. So, I took it upon myself to just nod mindlessly at what he was saying, not bothering to pay attention because when had listening to overdone ranting become fun? The saddest part of this _debacle_ is the fact that whenever I had anything to suggest, he would always turn them down.  
  
But hopefully, the higher, powerful beings up above the beautiful blue sky would enlighten his mind before I get unbearably close to strangling him to death. If it's not the research paper that's the bane of my existence, then it's definitely Mark.  
  
"Hmm." He had the audacity, _the audacity,_ to tap his index finger on the side of his jaw. "Okay. The chicken house it is! I mean, I've been wanting to go there too."  
  
 _Goodness, I can almost kiss him!_ Not that I actually _want to._ It's just because he's made up his mind finally after about _half an hour._ Not being over dramatic or anything but it's been more or less twenty minutes of thinking and being rejected. More specifically, and accurately, it's been twenty minutes of the monsters in my stomach painfully gnawing on my insides. I'm painfully hungry and feel like I would combust with the lack of food.  
  
But, for the sake of public decency and presentability in general, I settled for a barely audible, "Yes," that didn't even escape Mark's ear.  
  
"Did you say something," he teased as to which I playfully rolled my eyes to.  
  
"Nothing. I said, thank you for finally making up your mind."  
  
•×•  
  
"One, four-piece, sweet-and-sour chicken bucket for us, please," Mark begins and the wait service diligently scribbles down his words on a little pad of white paper.  
  
"How about drinks, Sir?" The man looks at Mark inquisitively. Mark had taken the liberty of looking at me with a questioning expression in his face. For an answer, I titled my head slightly to the side while hoisting my right brow. The message seems to have been recieved well by him when he says, "Just two iced-teas for the drinks, please. Oh, and can you add a small-size bucket of fries along with our order?"  
  
"Will do, Sir. Thank you. You can expect your order to arrive within a few minutes" the wait said and then left, leaving Mark and I to ourselves. For some unknown pull, I found myself staring at Mark. With no particular reason and he seems to have noticed that, being as he glanced at me for a split second before giving me that cheeky smile where his apples protrude cutely. The non-verbal interaction, though, didn't foster as he turned to look at his phone the moment a sharp 'ding' reverberated within our area.  
  
Sometimes I feel conflicted because of the said man in front of me. During those moments I find myself thinking about his duality; he's usually this childish yet caring figure that I'd grown to tolerate through the years of our friendship. But sometimes, just like how it was as of the moment, he'd have this feeling of superiority exuded with the way he carries himself. It severely contradicts his childish antics that more often than not annoys me.  
  
I couldn't help but admire that of him. He is clearly so versatile as a person, able to portray a plethora of characteristics he might not even realize he has. I didn't realize I was staring too long when, "Why are you staring so intently? Do I have something on my face?" His hand carefully brushes along his face. So I snap out of the trance-like state I was in and proceeded to rapidly think of how I could possibly salvage the situation before coming off as weird.  
  
What should I say? Should it be like, "Nothing! I'm staring, uhmm, because, uhh, I don't know?"  
  
Or should it go like, "Nothing! You're just so cute to handle?"  
  
Or, I don't know, "Nothing! Ahhh it's just that I've been secretly waxing poetic about you in my mind."  
  
Bloody hell! Why am I even staring in the first place? What's with the internal confusion and battling? I might just be actually going crazy!   
  
"Hello, Earth to Lee Donghyuck, Lee Donghyuck to Earth? Is the transmission down?" He had been waving his hands in front of my face. I snapped back to reality with a small squeak. "So, do I have anything on my handsome face?" Mark had smirked then. I unknowingly snorted at his first, obviously sarcastic, remark and all feelings of shame and uncertainty dissipated. "No, it's more because you're extra ugly today." Much to my amusement, he was cut off from retorting with another sarcastic remark by the arrival of our food, cutting our little banter short.  
  
"Wow. Those terribly look delicious." I could feel my saliva filling the hollow inside of my mouth. Although only small in quantity, the quality of the chicken and the way it was arranged in the basket-bucket it came in was at par, or better than expected actually.  
  
The four pieces of chicken were cut in a fashion that they were wide and meaty and it was cooked in a way that it looked perfectly crisp yet supple at the same time. Plus, the sauce that was grazed on top of the chicken looked exquisite.  
  
Each fried chicken breast were positioned strategically, snuggly tucked in the curves of the round basket-bucket while a small bowl containing extra sweet-and-sour sauce acted like the center piece.  
  
My face prickled with heat after my stomach made such publicly indcent noise, loud enough for me to hear it clearly. I was hoping nobody noticed the sudden grumble of my aching stomach but I guess the heavens had other plans. "Are you really that hungry?" I pout at Mark's obvious teasing, my gaze a glare. Is he seriously asking me to fight him? Because if he wants to, I'm going to put one up (read: sulking).  
  
I rolled my eyes at him before proceeding to say, "Need I remind you I haven't eaten anything since seven o'clock.   
Much worse, you took way too long to make up your mind about such a trivial matter as where to eat."  
  
Mark scrunched his face and chuckled while waving his arms in surrender at my mini-outburst. "Okay, okay. You win." He laughs heartily and I click my tongue, trying to ignore him with my lack of a response. Instead, I picked my utensils and proceded to eat. Mark followed suit after.  
  
"This is really, really, good!" I burped out, not caring if the act was considered as public indecendy. The chicken tasted heavenly inside my mouth.  
  
"What are you? A child," I heard Mark giggle slighty and I stared at him, feeling a little butthurt with him calling me out.  
  
I snorted at him. "As if you don't have these moments. And for your information, you're a way worse man-child. Bold of you to say those things to my face." With my tongue stuck out, I rolled my eyes at him. He only scrunched his face as if entertaining a child (which made me absolutely detest his childish self, but not really).  
  
Seeing no end to this banter, I decided to continue eating but even before I could even pick up a spoonful of rice, Mark halted me. "Wait," he said which made me cock my brows in anticipation of what he was about to add.  
  
Do I have something on my face?  
  
"Dang. I'm so handsome."  
  
I smile sweetly at him and leaned in, flicking his forehead when I was close enough. "Before you get angry; you totally deserved that. Shame on you for wasting my time with your goodnessawful joke. And here I thought I had something on my face."  
  
Mark only rolls his eyes weakly with an annoyingly small crease on his forehead. "I'm just kidding, you didn't have to be physical. I'm hurt," he grouched, his lips drooping down significantly before pouting. Subsequently, he sighs before saying, "Okay, this is the real deal," convincing tone and all.  
  
I was caught off guard when he suddenly leaned in, the distance of his face a ruler and a half's length. His hands maneuvered it's way to my face, a tissue held between his long, slender fingers that moved gracefully in the air. And I felt it. The soft piece of paper grazing my skin softly, wiping off stray pieces of -- what I'm pretty sure are -- chicken, sauce, and rice on my face.  
  
Even weirder, everything around me seemed to slow down and my body was getting warmer by the second; a strange feeling that was a mix of flutters and explosions settling deep down the pit of my stomach as my eyes flickered between looking at his face and the hand that was currently so near me. I felt shivers run down my spine. I didn't like the inexplicable feeling that I had. It felt so raw and unnerving that my heart couldnt stop pounding in my chest.  
  
So, to stop the unwanted sensation from fostering, I did the next best preemptive measure that I could think of; I gently slapped his hand away, taking the tissue with me.  
  
His forehead creased significantly at that and I so badly wished time would've stopped then and there. I pretended not to take notice of it and sat myself back on my chair. "I - I can clean my face myself. You - you should've just said so." I couldn't stop the wavering of my voice, but I didn't back down and continued to wipe the remnants of food off my face.  
  
I saw him tentatively shrug the event off before continuing to eat which made me release a sigh that I didn't even know I was holding. _Classic._  
  
I consciously looked at the tables around us, wondering if some saw the weird exchange. I was already aware of the perception of people around us so this was something I did often, some mannerism I developed throughout the years. And true enough, some people's stares dwelled on us, but their emotions were unclear and hard to read. So I paid no heed, deciding it was better to remain quiet than ponder about what possible opinions they had. What bothers me most was why I felt those kinds of emotion earlier.  
  
It isn't that the emotion was unpleasant. It was just so new and unwarranted for me to feel for my best friend (of all people), that much I could tell. It was weird -- really, really, weird. But maybe it's all because I know actions like this spur unnecessary commentaries from people who hardly even know anything about us. Maybe I'm just, in a way, anxious of what they might think and how they might perceive us. Or I could be just embarrased. There's no other possible explanation I could think of, so, burying that idiosyncratic emotion deep inside, I gently shook my head and got back to eating.  
  
What I felt was normal for such instance. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I guess that's that? I promise I'll make it better... well, I'll try to(?) so tune in sist! ❤️


	4. feelings on haywire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Donghyuck's really just a confused gay™ for this chapter. Expect a lot, A LOT, of inner werkings going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyahhhh! Fourth update! I hope y'all hoes like it so far ❤️. I'm pulling my best to make this as interesting as possible. Hahahaha! BTW, thank you to threelyeon (idk how to embed the link for your profile teehee) for leaving comments! I mean, hoe literally made my day. Thank youuuuu~
> 
> And to all you hoesss who left kudos (i couldnt mention yall because my brain just cant function like a powerhouse so yeah) I'm really, really, really thankful.
> 
> Y'all make me really inspired to write content. Yass!
> 
> Anyway, it's enough for this overdrawn intro message. You may now proceed. 😋🤣

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
Needless to say, I was able to finish my research paper yesterday with Mark's much needed help. If it wasn't for him and his massive brain, I would've been crying senseless in front of Professor Leona, probably trying to explain how I wasn't able to do none of what she asked us to. More specifically, begging for mercy because I don't want to have a failing remark.  
  
I owe him a great load of favors, really. He was able to help me transform my four, basically half-assed, paged paper to a sixty-paged one. I mean, who in the world has the power to do that? My genious best friend, of course. Not 'apparently' because I know his brain power exceeds the limits of what could be human.  
  
Anyway, although I'm pretty confident with said research paper, I couldn't say the same for my emotions. It's still tickling my insides -- it being that little, cutesy, very much confusing moment at the diner. I'm still extremely bothered about what I felt when he wiped my lips with that gentle manner of his. I don't even know why I'm even putting so much effot to pondering about that.  
  
I think it's because I'm not even convinced of the conclusion I was able to conjure during the scene of the crime? It was so different; so weird for my liking. Albeit the sensation that traversed my body then was of weak force, it was there and that fact enough was unsettling to say the least. Not that it was displeasing, it was far from that, it's just that it was my first time feeling that way and it was so weird. Every time I dig deeper, try to figure out what exactly those emotions meant, I get goosebumps. It's like my subconscious is saying it's a thought that I shouldn't even delve into. But I am going to, anyway, because when am I ever the smartest individual?  
  
"Mghh." I released my pent-up frustration over the matter as I sipped my chocolate drink via the straw provided. The liquid running past my tastebuds, barely staying, didn't even taste sweet. It had a weak bitter tinge I could perfectly pair with the way I was thinking.  
  
I am currently at the caferia, drowning myself in food in an attempt to vacant my mind of the useless thoughts that seemed to have plagued and, not to mention, kept me a little restless these days. A sigh escapes me while I keep poking the chocolate I bought. I kind of felt bad for destroying it and I'm pretty sure I'm sporting a pout on my face but I probably don't care. I'm too troubled to do so.  
  
"Stupid bum," I grumbled to no one in particular, subsequently sticking the plastic utensil to get a piece and bringing it to my mouth. I chewed, trying to calm myself down and in the process maybe eliminate the thoughts I had about Mark.  
  
Moments like these, I can't help but want to just freaking slam my head on the nearest wall. My mind's a bit chaotic and a few hours of unconsciousness (and a lifetime of being brain-damaged) doesn't sound all that bad. What makes the situation all the more galling is the fact that Mark didn't even seem remotely bothered by the incident. I mean, what the fax machine? Am I the only one who experienced that weird anomaly of a sensation?  
  
One time, during the night's deepest, I genuinely questioned myself if I was okay or whatever because ever since our friendship began, back during the good 'ole days, this kind of emotion didn't happen. I'd never felt this way. When did it start? How did this fiasco inside me come to be? Because, seriously, I need some answers as it seems that these feelings don't plan on stopping any time soon.  
  
Just this morning, as Day and I were doing our rituals, I couldn't stoping gawking at him. No, I wasn't staring, I was gawking because I continued looking at him even though it was unsolicited. It was stupid and I felt stupid that my body was not listening to any of the reasoning thoughts my brain had whiffed out at all. That even though I badly didn't want to, I couldn't help my sight running uo and down his being. And I know for a fact I don't stare at him excessively unless there was something worth staring at on his ugly face. So, I passed it off as me just being hung up on what happened because that was probably just it.  
  
Nothing more, nothing less.  
  
But even with that justification, something just didn't click and it left me feeling unnerved. That wasn't even the worst part of this whole scenario I was in. The worst part is the reality that this shouldn't even be something I should dedicate sleepless nights for. It's not worth it! How the bloody hell am I so oversentivite to something that I shouldn't even care about?  
  
I don't even know what I _should_ do anymore. All of these idiosyncratic events happening to me are seriously creating a one-sided rift between me and Mark who doesn't even do so little as flinch. I'm the only one turning to an idiotic, jumpy package of awkwardness.   
  
Thank heavens I managed to evade him after we got dismissed by our last subject professor. Because that task would've been impossible to accomplish given our chairs are very much positioned adjacent to each other. Why, when the lecture was announced to be adjourned, I quickly dashed (dare I say, Usain Bolt-ed) outside. I heard Mark call out for me, hell, his voice was loud enough to reverberate inside the corners of the room but I chose to ignore him stubbornly. I dashed faster than James Charles could say "Shishtar".  
  
I was so hell-bent on escaping that when I arrived to a particularly unvisited part of the school, I was panting so hard because of the excessive speed I had built-up during my impromptu marathon. Accompanying my extreme tiredness was the equally extreme hunger, thus why I'm here. Could I get any unluckier?  
  
 _Of the bloody course._  
  
And just as I thought my luck couldn't have become any worse, Mark's figure comes and makes itself known to my vision, emerging dramatically from the hoard of students that, apprently, convenietly covered his presence. It was very reminiscent of some sort of Korean drama scene; I could almost hear that Goblin OST playing as the background.  
  
"Yo, did you perhaps forget me?" He walked silently towards me and took the empty chair in front of mine, on the opposite side of the table. There was a certain gruffness in his voice with the way talked, and if his gaze could burn a hoe, I would've been set on fire not a milisecond later after he found me. Oh boy, he was _not happy._ My face warmed at that, and I clear my throat, adjusting to sit better.  
  
What a cruel life. The last person I wanted to see today (not that I can avoid him, we share a home) finds me after I, with so much effort, tried to avoid him. It's already bad that my mind haven't had any rest because I think about him constantly as of the moment, now he has to show and pester me live in the flesh? The situation was just getting worse by the minute and that really irked me. Why did it have to be like this? What kind of deformed luck do I have?!  
  
"I know. You're so annoying I needed to avoid you," I mindlessly said as I stared away at my chocolate drink, finding it the most interesting thing to look at as of the moment.  
  
I hear him release a scoff, a habit he did when he would start getting annoyed. "But, really, are you okay? You were fine earlier, then you just started acting all weird. I can't quite understand," he retorted, his tone a bit sharp making me stop on my tracks. I almost bit on my lip, realizing what I could have done if I haven't snapped out of it. Dear goodness, I was about to fuel an unreasonable arguement.  
  
I needed to choose my words wisely if I didn't want a fight between me and Mark to start from this conversation. I need to get my head back on the right path. "I'm sorry." I sighed, defeated. "I'm just tired and frustrated. I didn't mean that," I added, shame lacing every word that came out of my mouth.  
  
I, without thinking, plopped my upper body on the table and covered my face by crossing both of my arms as some sort of protection. This debacle of how I am thinking about things really made me do unreasonable actions and I couldn't feel any more embarrassed of the way I was handling the situation.  
  
"I'm sorry," I apologized again when he gave me no answer.  
  
A heartbeat later, I felt a hand patting my head, making me look up from my current position to see Mark sporting a guilty look on his face.  
  
"No harm done. Sorry I started acting up too," was all he said but I felt so many unverbalized thoughts hidden between the crevices of his reply.  
  
I met him with a tight smile, sighing subsequently. This is my fault to begin with. "It's fine. You shouldn't be apologizing for something I was clearly the culprit for. That's my job right now." I sighed, trying to concieve a definite resolve.  
  
Okay, Donghyuck. What's the next best course of action to take in order to rectify the situation? Of course, that would be to stop overthinking about the matter and just let it go.  
  
Yeah -- yeah, that's right. Definitely the one thing I should do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm going to bug you again. Okay?
> 
> Tell me your thoughts! I mean, like, is the story okay? Is the pacing fine™? This is my first time writing on a much intellectual platform so I'm kind of worried I'm bringing the bad aspects of my roots in here? Idk really.
> 
> To further explain, I've been writing on another platform that's very popular (not specifying what site it is) and it's vastly different from here. Like, vastly different. So I'm just coming to terms with that. But I'm glad I transferred though? It's more progressive here? Idk what I even am writing anymore.
> 
> Don't pay me any mind. It just gets like this sometimes. Haha!


	5. back to normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck's back to being normal... or is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just going to be a short note, so yeah, bask in the temporary loss of my annoying presence. HAHAHAHAH! Anyway, enjoy!!! ❤️

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
Life is just amazing. I've been extremely elated during the past few days, particularly feeling refreshed and positively giddy as of the moment and it's as if nothing could stop me.   
  
"Good morning my dear best friend," I chirped, merrily walking along the kitchen area and sitting myself across my best-est friend, Mark, who's currently staring at me incredulously, his hand that held his spoon filled with fried rice mid-air.  
  
I cheekily smiled at him and he arched one of his brows up, seemingly unable to fathom my change of mood. "Good morning," he replied to my greetings nevertheless, albeit with an obvious questioning tone. A smile tore through my features again before standing and getting food for myself. I happily settled myself on the chair I claimed as mine for the day once I deemed the contents inside my plate enough, starting to eat the bacon and egg, with fried rice, meal Mark has diligently parepared for us.  
  
"So, what's up? You seem so happy," Mark said, the last statement almost falling to a question, tearing the comfortable silence that had built-up. I felt him train his brown eyes on me, gauging for possible answers.  
  
I anticipated to feel fluttery, weird and sort of bothered by him, but I didn't. I felt, quite frankly, normal as if it was just how I felt then. I feel my smile widening even more as I, with a small chuckle, proceeded to take a portion of Mark's delicious fried rice. After chewing, I drew my focus to him and answered, "No particular reason." As simple as that.  
  
And albeit my vague answer, he chose to just nod and went back to eating his share of food. "Sure there isn't. But tell me if you're going psycho, okay," he said teasingly, but there was a clear sprinkle of tentativeness in the retort but I ignored it and went straight to filling my stomach. It's too early to overthink, my mind just can't.  
  
Turns out my decision was the best after all. No doubt.  
  
It's been well over a week after I, with so much conviction, willed for the unpleasantries in my mind to disappear. And, from then on, everything's been going well. No weird thoughts, weird occurences, and most importantly, no nerve wracking weird feelings. And I've been less and less awkward; now I'm not even a tiny bit. I could interact with Mark without so much as a hitch. Everything's good. Peachy if I should say and I couldn't help but feel much lighter.  
  
I'm so happy!  
  
"Okay, you _seriously_ need to stop smiling and hurry up. If you're planning on coming to class late, then you're on your own." Mark's reminder that I sort of nodded off gingerly.  
  
•×•  
  
"Remember that story I made you read," Professor Duvēn asked about twenty minutes after he started his lecture. He held the book in his hands as he looked at us expectantly.  
  
Reverberating 'yes' could be heard after a few seconds later. "Good. Good. Now you've already immersed yourselves in the events that take place in the novel, I'd have something for you to do." He pauses for only what I could tell was for the sake of suspense.  
  
My heart was thumping slightly a little harder by then. The lack of information was _killing_ me.  
  
"For your the ultimate task this month, I will let a ten-minute period for you to wisely pick a partner. Why a partner you would ask? Well, you and your partner will be coordinating to do the little task I have come up with. What is that task, you might wonder? Well, I'm keeping it a secret until you've chosen a partner," Professor Duvēn explained. After that he whisked us off before reminding for us to choose a partner we trust would help us deliver the best output.  
  
There were no sound of complaints made, but the room was noisy with the slowly-rising-in-volume banters of the other students seeking out, or fighting, for their partners. I almost felt sorry for those I saw now engaged in (unecessary) heated arguments.  
  
The moment I looked to my side, Mark was already staring at me with a smug smile on his face. His expression spoke to me quietly and I pretty sure I got what he wanted to say so I only gave him an eye-roll before smiling widely at his antics. "Us two?" I smiled wider, my finger flicking between the two of us.  
  
His smile grew exponentially at my ~~obviously stupid~~  question and he winked, bringing up his hand to make shooting gestures at me. "It's always us two." He laughed, pitchy and so, _so_ happily.  
  
"Hyuck, oh thank goodness! Please be my partner? Pretty please?!" A familiar voice entered my ear; it reminded me too much of the Grinch and there's only one person I know who sounds like so. I turned to look at Na Jaemin, one of my other close friends.  
  
"Oh? Look who decided to show up. You were planning on going to class still," I hear Mark question in a playful manner, his face contorted to an expression of mocked surprise, which earned a whine from aforementioned male.  
  
"You ass! Of course I am! You see, there was something important that came up during the last few days! I needed to work on it." Jaemin had taken it to himself to sport a pout on his lips by then before turning to me. "So? Can you be my partner? Can you? Can you?"  
  
Feeling slightly apologetic, I scrunched my nose for a 'no' and pointed at Mark. Jaemin followed the direction of my fingers and immediately groaned upon seeing Mark's _Sorry Not Sorry_ smirk. Jaemin turns to look at me with puppy eyes. "I've made a fool of myself. I mean, seriously, what was I expecting? You're basically attached to each other's hips," he lamented theatrically.  
  
I released a barely stifled snort at his statement. "Yeah. What did _you expect_? You know Mark's my number one," I bit back, a smile on my lips which made him look at me with pure, mocked disgust.  
  
"Number one my ass. Argh! Seriously though, tell me already because _I get it._ Are you two  _together_ together," he accused without no real venom given the wide smirk that etched his face.  
  
Mark only punched him playfully in the arm, his boisterous laugh filling the air. "What the -- no! We're nowhere near that status," he claimed then turned to me with an amused expression on his face. I couldn't quite conjure anything to say so I only smiled back, not paying any attention to the slight pinch in the corners of my heart.  
  
Jaemin's eyes fell on mine and I shivered slightly. It was as if he was asking for confirmation.  
  
"Ahh. Haha, yeah -- yeah, no. _That_ is never going to happen. Ever! " Chuckling awkwardly, I finished my barely believable reply with an abrupt hiccup. Thankfully enough, they didn't seem to want to dwell on the matter further than they had and instead divulged into another topic.  
  
 _What in the name of hippity boppity boop was that?_ What just actually _happened?_  
  
Agh! Is it coming back? Am I back at it again? Okay, no, yeah, it's -- whatever. I'm not even going to think about it. It'd be better for me to not get anymore weird ideas than to think of things differently. After all, that was what got me into that somewhat messy situation a couple of days back.  
  
And so I didn't think about it. I locked the earlier weird feeling in my chest and proceeded to join Mark and Jaemin's light banter.  
  
•×•  
  
"Hey, you've been staring at your food for quite some time now. Aren't you going to eat that," Renjun asked, eyeing my food as if telling me if I didn't eat it, sooner or later he'll be the one to devour my food. I sigh weakly and he cocked a brow after. I'm in the cafeteria again, just letting time pass by, eating with the 'squad'.  
  
A light snicker made its way to my ears, the culprit none other than Lee Jeno. "The way you're gawking at the food makes me understand why you've been having _dem gains,_ " he expressed with those perfect cresents of his which Huang Renjun, being the sassy little punk he was, just rolled his eyes to.  
  
"What's with being fat, huh, Jeno? Do you have any problems with that, you raging _bodysist,_ " Renjun exclaimed, sounding truly mortified, a huff coming from his lips as the final blow.  
  
"I wasn't saying I found anything wrong with that though? You're really _easily triggered_ for your own good, huh, Huang Renjun? Anyway, I think you're _absolutely cute™_ either way." Jeno pouted, eyes trained at Renjun's.  
  
"Whatever, loser!"   
  
By then, I have fully been consumed by the cringe side, a sour taste in my mouth that _really, really_ made we want to mem myself to death. I mean, I love my friends but they're awfully a little ~~too much~~  sweet during such random times. And it makes me wonder about things that make me confuse all the more. Like, are they flirting or what?  
  
"Can you guys _not try to blatantly_ flirt in front of our eyes? You're giving me a major trauma trigger, thanks." Jaemin groaned suddenly to which Renjun made a face that screamed a big fat 'bicch what?'.  
  
"Excuse me but this _dude_ and I aren't flirting in any way, shape, or form so kindly shut your trap up Jaem. Thanks, teehee," Renjun winked in that cutesy manner of his, a sly grin on his equally devious face and continued, "By the way, how was that thing you were so worked up on for the past few days?"  
  
"Hmm. It's turning okay thus far, I think? The board still needs to approve my proposal to begin integrating my suggested course of actions." I cocked a brow at that and was about to complain when Mark beat me to it.  
  
"Wait, hold up. _You guys_ know what _this absentee_ was doing but we don't? I can't believe you Jaem! To think we're who you're going to class with," Mark had expressed in a huff, his eyes staring Jaemin down much like an insufferable parent would to their 'failure' child, and I almost laughed at Jaemin's contorted face. "I'm disappointed."  
  
"I'm sorry," Jaemin wailed, his hands on Mark's arm, shaking the latter as he pleaded theatrically. Mark only gave a questioning stare and shook him off. "Mind explaining then?"  
  
"Okay, okay. Jeez, you absolute parent!" Jaemin rolled his eyes and did explain why he wasn't able to tell us about his then current situation. By the end, he finished with a sassy, "That enough? Huh? Huh?"  
  
Mark only snorted with a, "You're forgiven." Renjun and Jeno just laughed to themselves. Which is cute when Jeno does it (he's literally a ball of fluff) but Renjun's a different story; him laughing to himself sounds so, _so_ evil and maniac.  
  
"By the way, I wonder when Professor Duvēn would tell us what about the ultimate task for this month is," I thought out loud after a few minutes of silent pondering but no one seemed to hear me, continuing with their conversation like I wasn't even in the same table. _Ugh, what are friends even?_  
  
I only sigh and shook my head lightly, finally getting a piece of the fries I ordered. I tried not to think about it - the task - but as I looked at Mark and saw him look back at me smiling, his gums almost showing with how big his smile had gotten, my heart lept beats faster.  
  
I couldn't help the chill that ran down my back accompanying the ominous feeling that made itself prevalent in my chest.


	6. his reluctance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck goes through an internal battle (which pretty much is all that happens for this fic xD).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yo hoes! (I'm making that my official greeting for all of you my wonderful readers! Awww! And no, this hoe ain't kidding.)
> 
> First and f-hoe-rmost (get it?? haha!) I'm really, very, extremely, severely sorry for not having been able to update sooner. Some things came up and I've been, like, busy for the past one or two days (i've lost track). But, yeah, here's an update to pacify y'allsies!
> 
> Uhm, QUICK QUESTION (caps for emphasis, quick note to y'all who thought cyst was angry for a second teehee) what MARKHYUCK content do you want to see from me doing on the sideline while I finish this fic? DROP YOUR SUGGESTIONS down below teehee. Haha!
> 
> Anyway, that's that. Lezgeddit <3.

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
I heaved a very drawn out sigh, almost over the edge as I thought of my impending demise. My hands were inexplicably slightly quaking and my body felt uncomfortably hot all over as of the moment and I am at loss of words. Well, it's not exactly a 'real death' situation per se but it might as well it equate to that! My being over dramatic over the matter is fully justifiable, I believe.  
  
Over the course of the last few minutes, an email notification from Professor Duvēn graced my woken lockscreen. It was like those auto-generated email but the message was slightly different for every person that recieves it. The difference being the scene we were going to roleplay for the _whole entire population of our class to see!_ And if that isn't bone-shaking, then I don't know what is.  
  
And, yes, absolutely, terrifyingly right. The ultimate task that have been oh-so-anticipated was some crappy acting activity that does nothing to do me good! If anything, it'll just be disadvantageous for me.  
  
I'm not saying Mark's a horrible actor because he's quite the charmer when it comes to fronting people, it's just the whole idea of a roleplay with Mark did not just sit in with me right. How I'm thinking about it doesn't even help that much easing my worries. The scene assigned to us also doesn't even help one bit with the nerves that had started bugging the pit of my stomach.  
  
Unfortunately, Professor Duvēn decided to take out the most important scenes of the book and distribute that to the established pairings. On the email, it was explained that the whole thing would work like a contest-styled evaluation for the performances. If the pair wows Professor Duvēn, which is currently the most unattainable task on the whole of Earth, the odds of getting high remarks are off-the-roof. The pair that delivers the best performance would receive a prize.  
  
I mean, what a _motherfreaking_ deal. High grades plus a prize? That is actually such an amazing combo. I'll be ever so thankful. But what's not fine is that Mark and I have the most intense, passionate scene to recreate. It boggles me how fate could play me so cruelly. I feel like the world hates me for some reason, right now. Just days ago, I had a different (the same, actually, just modified) problem and now I'm having another, full-blown, existential crisis.  
  
 _Can the world not? Yeah, no. It never listens. I absolutely feel fate maniacally laughing its non-existent ass off.  
_  
I released a frustrated sigh (I've been doing that quite a lot recently, what can I say) and stood when I heard the main door open. I closed my laptop quietly and went down. "Mark, is that you," I called.  
  
A soft, approving hum came to my ears before my eyes found its way to Mark who was taking his shoes off, neatly tucking the white wears on his side of the shoe rack. Oh, that was why he wasn't there when I had woken up; he was out running.  
  
Our gazes meet and he cocks a brow as if asking 'why are you staring so intently?'. I only found myself pursing my lips in lieu for a lack of answer. I was stuck in a trance observing his features. Then, a thought came to mind.  
  
"Well -- ahh, so, an email from Professor Duvēn just arrived. It's for our task?" I tried so hard to not stutter, not trusting my voice after staying silent for seconds that felt like _an eternity._  
  
"What is it," he asked, surprise and curiosity prevalent with the way which he spoke. By then he had taken off his oversized sweater, his thin, sweat-laced undershirt peeking from inside and my heartbeat fastens at that. I turned away, feeling my cheeks warm in a nauseating pace as a thought flashed in my mind.  
  
 _Oh goodness, no._  
  
I decided not to tell him right away, deciding that Marl reading it for himself would be the better option. And to save myself from embarassment (which I don't even know why I'm feeling), I first invited him to eat breakfast which he happily obliged to.  
  
After finishing the food, and washing the dishes, we quickly went up to our room where, as had been mentioned, my laptop is located. Without another word, I turned it on, went straight to my inbox, and made him read the text. I couldn't tell if he was angry or not, flabbergasted or calm. All he had in his face were furrowed brows and a pair of slightly pursed lips accompanied by the most intense stare I have seen all day.  
  
He finished reading the message with slight nods, as if he was thinking about the whole situation. Needless to say, my heart couldn't _keep calm and love Professor Duvēn._ I feel my stomach sink deep before it burned uncontrollably, uncomfortable, when Mark decided to avert the intense stare to my currently crippling form. "So," I decided to ask, nibbling my lower lip when I was finished.  
  
I was getting more frantic by the second but my asshole of a best friend decided not to answer me so I was left at the edge of my seat, anticipating what could come out of his current state. So I tried again, "So?" I mean, I couldn't blame him if he was rendered speechless. The scene was not something likeable, in my opinion. But not a spilt second later he raised a hand and upped a thumb which made me utterly confused.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
He looked at ne as if I was acting weirdly. Well, I kind of expected him to lash out and act all cranky. I certainly did not expect a calm and collected response.  
  
Mark's brows furrowed. "What do you mean by that 'huh'? Hyuck this is a blessing! All we need to do is succeed in wowing Professor and we'll be set for the high life," He exclaimed, the shine in his eyes unmistakably one of happiness.  
  
I turned fidgety with my hands. "Well, isn't it awkward? Are you sure you've read the book," I managed to slur out to which he nodded in an excruciatingly slow pace, eyes questioning.  
  
"Of course? We had a quiz about it, remember? I got perfect?" _Dang straight he did._  
  
What was I even thinking? He's hardly irresponsible so it's not even close to being a doubt; _he did read the book._  But that's not the case. What I couldn't fully place my mind to is the way he's approaching things. I mean, in the scene we need to act out is where the two main characters kiss.  
  
 _Kiss!  
_  
 _Lips touching lips!  
_  
 _Lip-locking!_  
  
The world's truly a crazy place! Professor Duvēn is a crazy person! And _I_ am slowly turning crazy with the thought of kissing Mark!  
  
Wait.  
  
 _I_ did _not_ just _say that._ I said _nothing._ I said nothing and thought of nothing.  
  
 _What_ is _happening to me?!_ Honestly!  
  
I'm seriously going crazy.  
  
"You okay? You've turned awfully quiet." I feel Mark nudge me with his elbow, snapping me back to my awful, _awful_ reality. I gazed at him and muttered a small, "Just thinking," while thinking of some brilliant line I could use to salvage my _nonexistent_ dignity.  
  
"Wait. Do you perhaps not have a problem with the scene because you want to kiss me," came out from my mouth faster than the speed of light. _What?!_ It was only what I could conjure with my muddled brain. And besides I almost felt prideful when I saw Mark's face flicker to a shocked expression.  
  
But key word, almost. _Almost_ because a split second later, the corners of his lips had tugged upwards, and before I knew it I was backed up against the study table, Mark's hands now on both of my sides, propped securely on the table. My heart was beating a ten fold of how it normally does. It was doing summersaults and my breathing started becoming jarred as I stared into his eyes that glinted with mischief. It felt as if his eyes were sucking me in to a point of no return.  
  
"Mark Lee," I called out, voice stern yet weakly quaking. For some _dammed_ reason, I couldn't move a muscle. Normally, I would've pushed him off and laugh along as we berated each other but as of the moment, when my chest was so uncomfortably tight and our bodies almost pressed together, I can't seem to do anything. It is like my body is pliant under his control.  
  
I feel my stomach tighten when his eyes moved down, tracing my features until it came to meet my lips. By this time, I was fostering a mini-earthquake inside of my body. "What if I wanted to," he voiced, slowly and clearly, eyes meeting mine again as he leaned a bit closer, enough for his breath to fan over the warm patch of skin along my jaw.  
  
 _Is it global warming or is it just getting uncomfortably hot it here? What the actual **flying f/ck** is happening?!_  
  
I held my breath. "Don't even try to joke around Mark Lee or I'm punching your balls." I almost snarled, my heart pounding do hard in my chest. Mark only smiled and proceeded to run a hand along my sides, stopping to lay firm on a spot near my hips. The hairs on my body stood upright and I immediately closed my eyes.  
  
 _Why can't I push him away?! Am I actually_ _expecting_ _something to happen?!_  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!" A crisp laugh reverberated along the four corners of our room after a  ~~an eternity~~  few seconds passed subsequent to Mark's palm leaving it's place along my hips. My eyes snapped open not a milisecond late because _what the actual flip flop?  
_  
By then, Mark had taken the liberty to roll around the floor while laughing uncontrollably. "HAHAHAHA!" He clutched his stomach tightly.  
  
 _Oh this asshole is dead.  
_  
"Don't ever come near me you raging asshole! I will, with utter seriousness, punch you in the gut," I exclaimed, getting near to attack. Mark laughed and ran away to the furthest point away from me, still clutching his stomach.  
  
"Flip you Mark! Just die bicch!" I was slightly (read: very) flustered to say the least, and my face felt like burning. Weirdly, I can't help but feel like I've been played. _Hard._  
  
But, albeit my outbursts, Mark did not back down. For one, I think he only gained more confidence that was absolutely not warranted in this situation. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were secretly crushing on me." And he had the audacity to flash me a smirk.  
  
 _Am I?_  
  
Nope. Nope. Erase! Motherfreaking delete that from my thinking history! That will never, ever, _ever,_ happen!  
  
"You are _dead meat_ Mark Lee. _Dead meat._ "  
  
Needless to say, my pettiness only came to an end that day when I successfully took my revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop your suggestions down at the comment section bec my profile's boring asf w/ only one fic. >∆<


	7. squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring the squad!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I realized how bad this is to read for it is UNBETA-D. So, I'm here to tell you not to worry, Imma fix it soon. When I have the time teehee. But for now, here's an ud.

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
I so badly want to punch somebody straight in the face. Period. But I really can't throw punches out here and there for no reason, can't I? That would be the death of my social, and not to mention school, life.  
  
It's been a few days since I've been brilliantly played by the devil incarnate, and my best friend, Mark, and I haven't been so fine after the incident. Yes, although after the indicent I was able to administer the most suited punishment for him (being a smack in the head), my brain can't seen to get a move on. The problem is, this time, it's much, much worse than those episodes I had a few days ago.  
  
I wasn't able to sleep peacefully ever since that _very_ fateful day. And minding the fact Mark and I share the same dammed bed, it should come as no surprise (at least for me) why my undereye bags have been constantly growing. I almost look dead. Plus, I can't tune out the idea of Mark alnost kissing me. I don't know, but during the spur of the moment, I was kind of expecting for it to happen. That within itself makes me really unnerved (and think that I'm crazy, but whatever). Maybe that's what's happening? These days I just couldn't get a proper grip of myself.  
  
What makes the situation even worse is the fact that I could never see his hands, no, his two whole arms the same way ever again. Well, after that little act he decided to pull on me, it was like the sensation of his gentle yet firm grasp on my body stayed and made itself home there to be felt constantly. Up to now, I get tingles running across the entirety of my body when I see his hands, so as the most sane, and safe course of action that I could exploit, I decided to avoid looking at the _goodnessawful_ parts until I no longer feel so wierd about them.  
  
I still don't know about these feelings I harbor though. I guess all of this time we're spending with each other and living together has driven me nuts to the point where my body's already eliciting weird responses with him? Come to think of it, that could be the case. Before then, when we used to meet up so we could see each other and not share the same house with, let alone the same bed, I remember being fine. Or it could be because we're constantly sticking together even with and in our friendship circle.  
  
Honestly, I don't have the best grip on my thoughts.  
  
I really don't know.  
  
Maybe I just need the company of other people to negate these out-of-track sensations? Maybe. It's been so long since the last time I've spent some quality time with my friends. It's mostly because of our schedules that just do not agree to each other. Well, aside from Jaemin who's missing in action most of the time.  
  
Okay. How about I ask who's free tonight and plan a little get together? That would take my mind off things.   
  
Without another thought, I took my phone, unlocked it, and went straight to our chat group.  
  
**• cOoL gAnG •**  
**Active now.**  
  
**FullSun: Hey guys! 👋**  
  
**LongJean: Hyuck hi~ 👋💁♀️**  
  
**LongJean: What happened for you to come here 🤔?Hmmm 🤐 fiShY 🙈.**  
  
**FullSun: Yah! So y'all need a reason for me to chat you now 🙄🙃💩? @LongJean**  
  
**Eyesmile: mahmen, fullsun! 🙈 wassup?!**  
  
**FullSun: Hi Jen!! No need to be xtra tho 😬😂**  
  
**GrinchMin: j43mjæm 1n d4 h40z! 🎉😍**  
  
**LongJean: 🤐🙃😬**  
  
**GrinchMin: wh4t d035 tH4t m3an @LongJean?!**  
  
**FullSun: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BURN BICCH! 🔥🔥🔥**  
  
**Eyesmile: owwwwwwww! 🔥 junnie 4 3! ☄️**  
  
**GrinchMin: u gUy5 4r3 a bUnCh of m0n5t3Rs!! 😭😭**  
  
**GinchMin: u h4v3 n0 <3s! 💧💔 friendship over...**  
  
**LongJean: Burn bicch. BURN! *adds fuel to the fire* 🙅♀️**  
  
**LongJean: 😚🤗❣️ @GrinchMin**  
  
**Eyesmile: hold up! thats a different kind of msg! i aint liking that 🤐**  
  
**FullSun: OH G. JEALOUS MUCH?**  
  
**Eyesmile: TOTALLY NOT**  
  
**Eyesmile: i dont need to explain myself 😡**  
  
**GrinchMin: w0w c4p5loCk. int3n53 br0. 😱😂👎**  
  
**LongJean: Okay @Eyesmile 👍. Hahahaha 😏😂! Anyway, why the message @FullSun?**  
  
**FullSun: Ahhhh... I have an idea. Hihi. ☺️**  
  
**LongJean: It's not are crazy one is it?  
**   
**FullSun: OFC not! Just a simple one.**  
  
**FullSun: Let's go out tonight! Like, eat or whtvr? Imy guyssss.**  
  
**FullSun: You guys in??? 🙏🙏**  
**  
**GrinchMin: hmmmM. bc0z u r3qU3st3d m4h fr13nD, ok4y. I w0nt b3 MIA later 😂😂  
  
**FullSun: Yey! HBU @LongJean @Eyesmile? 🙏 //pout//  
**   
LongJean: Ok, game! But what about @Canada 😳?  
  
I sighed upon reading Renjun's reply. Of course, I needed to forget about Mark. But, really, for all it's worth, I didn't plan on including him tonight, as bad as that sounds.  
  
It's not that I'm a crappy friend. I love Mark, as a best friend, and all but I absolutely don't want to deal with him at the moment. Given the fact he's mostly the core cause of my current dilemma. He's what keeps me up all night, relentlessly thinking of useless things. But then again, he's still my friend and I simply can't exclude him no matter how petty my reasons are. So, with a sigh, I decided to not reply the message and just watch as one message after another popped on the screen  
  
**Eyesmile: no need to ask me. of course im in! its been so long since our last hangout!  
**   
Eyesmile: oh yeah. where is he? 🤔  
  
It's been a couple of minutes since someone has replied to the chat group and I seriously thought nobody was going to again. I was about to turn off my phone when,  
  
**Canada: Where tf are you Donghyuck?**  
  
My whole body when numb, almost feverishly cold, when the words registered in my brain. _Mark had been searching for me, and is mad._ With a racing heart, I hurriedly thought of a good excuse to respond back with. I might have evaded him again after class ended?  
  
**LongJean: Someone seems to be angry? Hello to you too Mark. What happened?  
**   
GrinchMin: wh4t h4pP3n3d?! t3ll m3 im 4B53nt!!!  
  
Eyesmile: chill bro. chill. 😂  
  
Canada: @FullSun here left me alone yet again. Where r u? Ive been searching for you nonstop since classes ended!!! 😑😡  
  
LongJean: Oops @FullSun ☝🙊  
  
FullSun: Sorry Mark! 😔 I was so hungry I went straight for the canteen! I'm still here.  
  
Which would be only half a lie, in my defense. I _am_ in the canteen, and I really _am_ stuffing my mouth with their subpar fruit salad. But the very, very obvious lie is me going here because I was _starving._ It's not true in the slightest bit. I was more or less trying to lessen the chaotic feelings in my insides by, again, avoiding him. Seems to me these days my go-to response is to run away from my problems. I hate it but I can't help it.  
  
I waited for Mark's reply.  
  
**Canada: You shouldve told me then. I couldve rushed w you 😥😥**  
  
**Canada: That really wasnt something hard to do right? I thought we were best friends??  
**   
Canada: Anyway, its fine.  
  
**GrinchMin: 🍿😂✌**  
  
**FullSun: I'm sorry~ Please don't stay angry!! Please?? 😭**  
  
**FullSun: Just come here, I'll treat you with something nice as a peace offering. Yeah?**  
  
**Canada: On my way. 😁😁  
**   
I released a pent up breath at Mark's short, albeit confirming reply. I really thought he was going to be, once again, unreasonable (currently me at the moment) and not spare me the slightest attention. He usually just snobs me when we fight, well, that is until I show no signs of backing down. He's forced to bend down. Anyway, I'm just glad this didn't get any pettier.  
  
A couple of minutes later and I see Mark running towards my table, a small smile on his lips. "Hey," I said immediately as he halted just in-front of me to which he replied with a small hum, setting his things down. I, again, told him I was sorry and explained the while situation. He only nodded and dismissed me with,  
  
"So, where's my treat?"  
  
And true to my word, as a peace offering I did buy him food, what he wanted at that. Even though my wallet cried at his choices, I did not complain and instead wordlessly whipped out precious money for exchange of said delicious treats. For Mark, for my life. Not that he is my life, I just didn't want him to lash out and kill me.  
  
The break passed by a blur with us talking to each other and soon enough we were exiting the canteen to proceed to our next class.  
  
"By the way, when are we starting practices," Mark asks along the way, ever-so-slightly tilting his neck to direct his eyes to me. I went silent for a bit. He's talking about the bane-of-my-life acting gig by Professor Duvēn, right? Yes, yes he is and I couldn't be more dead.  
  
"So that's due next, next week, right? How about we start this weekend," I proposed after thinking about due works this week. Mark pouted at little and nodded understandingly.  
  
"Okay, no problem. I don't think it would be that hard for us to accomplish since we both have acting backgrounds given we were active members of our school's Theatre Organization," Mark expressed looking ahead.  
  
Contrary to Mark's form, he was actually not really the jock from highschool type of guy. I mean he did sports but he wasn't all that. Maybe it was because I was there and he wanted to tend to me because if it wasn't so obvious, I'm not the athletic type. People, one glace at Mark, think, with his sinewy body, boyish facial features, and confident stance, that he's one of those head-up-their-asses guys who's literally the 'epitome' of perfect. Things teen girls usually say to describe their definition of a 'snack'. But he's far more than those kinds of people.  
  
"Okay," was the only thing I was able to conjure as I followed him through the halls.  
  
We reach the classroom in a flash and before we know it, we were seated next to each other listening to Professor Leona's lecture about deeper Earth Science. And every now and then, I steal glances at Mark who seemed to be putting great concentration on this particular session.  
  
I couldn't help but think Mark's not that bad to look at. _I mean, look at that face._  
  
Gahh! What is happening to me?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me ur thoughts! ❤️


	8. weirdness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Mark moment going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, U HEARD THAT RIGHT. AIGHT? DIS IS SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT. Idk what i'm saying.
> 
> Anyway, UPDATE: I've proof read and edited the past chapters as best as I can and I really, really hope it's not so much of a chore to read it now.
> 
> Just, informing yallsies. Hahahaha.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy reading this chapter? Iguess?
> 
> Anyway, again, it's just now that ive heard of what happened to nct at new york. U know, i know u do. And i'm just sad af? Like, why u do that to my babies?
> 
> I hope erryting gets better thought.
> 
> Okay, i rest my case, enjoy.

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
I sighed upon reaching the door to mine and Donghyuck's apartment. It's very much been a tiring day, me coming home from a café where my assigned group met up. It was for a group work from our Maths class, and unfortunately Donghyuck's not part of said group. So, for the past few hours, I've been on solo flight.  
  
Carefully, I unlocked the door, my eyes immediately landing on our shared shoe rack and searching for the pair Donghyuck wore today. Sure enough, it was sitting idly by his side. _I guess he'd come home earlier._ Apparently, being assigned with the smartest bunch of our class set him up for the high life. If I were made to guess, they would've finished the activity thirty minutes tops.  
  
_Huh, what luck._ Meanwhile, I have been stuck with mine who barely even wanted to lift a finger to start answering. I guess that's the cons of being grouped with _those_ kinds of people. Anyway I don't want to stress with that. It's been done and that's all that matters no matter how unsure I am of the answers.  
  
I shook the thoughts off my head and proceed to our room.  
  
"Duckie!" I laughed carelessly and tackled Donghyuck who laid in bed, tapping away on his phone. I pulled him for a hug and buried my face on his neck, basking in his warmth.  
  
"Argh! You absolute bafoon Mark! Let go! I'm doing something here if you can't see," he wailed out loud but made little-to-no effort on actually getting me off.  
  
I only muffled a laugh, tightening my hold on him yet keeping it as gentle as I can to avoid bruising his skin. We tumbled back and forth as he began to be more aggressive with is movements but I stayed rooted in my position. But I didn't expect him to tickle my sides, so we went toppling over one another as we laughed endlessly.  
  
Once he recovered, a sly grin appeared on Donghyuck's face. "Watch out Markie, I'm coming," he said in the most soothing voice but I knew the intents behind it were of pure, uncontained evil. True enough, not a second later, he pins me down, his hands finding their way to my sides. Donghyuck started tickling me again.  
  
I pleaded for him to stop. "D-Duckie! HAHA! Stop! Please! HAHAHAHA! Stop or else -- or else I'm going to kick you! HAHAHA!"  
  
"Shut up Markie! You deserve every bit of my glorious, pleasurable tickles! You can't stop me even if you tried," he exclaimed, an evil laugh following right after before he proceeded to hover above. He proceeded to part his legs to pressumably straddle me, but it clearly was a wrong move for him to take.  
  
I immediately grabbed a hold of his wrists and flipped our position. I trapped him snuggly below me, hand still on his wrists that I positioned securely over his head and I stared him down as if I was proud of the dominance I had over the situation. "You said something, yeah," I managed to squeeze between my labored breathing.  
  
I half expected for him to complain about something like he usually always does when I manage to win over him during times we get really into it and competitive. But to my actual surprise, he stayed quiet. Only breathing softly as his eyes searched mine.   
  
"Hey, are you okay," I inquired when moments later nothing was still happening, my hold on him decreasing in strength. Instead of answering, Donghyuck's stare got more instense, a soft red sheen casting on his beautifully tanned cheeks. _Does he have a fever?_ I laid the back of my hand on his forehead to check.  
  
"You don't feel hot."  
  
"Oh -- _oh._ Yeah, no. It's just because you're -- you're face looks weird? Uhh, yeah. That's what I thought, you're face is wierd," Donghyuck said like a stuttering madman, budging from our close position. This time, he succeeded.  
  
"Have you eaten, because I haven't. Uh, so let me eat real quick, okay? Okay, bye." Donghyuck chuckles more to himself, beating me to it. He basically bolted out of the room, in the process fumbling over thin air, and I was left alone. _Huh, what's with him._ I'm pretty sure I have this massive 'X' on my forehead.  
  
Okay, something is definitely weird. I've been noticing these strange patterns of behavior from Donghyuck. It's been days since I've pegged it to be anything out of the ordinaey but I'm quite sure it's been happening for weeks now. Lately, it feels like he's just so, _so_ detached -- like something was bothering him and he doesn't want to confide. It's just my gut feeling though, but there's this awful thought of him keeping secrets that knock on my mind.  
  
In theory, he hasn't and doesn't say anything about it because it either has to do with me or he doesn't want me to worry about him. It's probably the latter. Knowing him very well, he's going to go through such extreme lengths to protect the people he loves even if that action is stupid and could be disadvantageous for him.  
  
I got up and dressed for the night. Sighing somewhat heavily, I decided to push the topic in the back of my mind, thinking tonight wouldn't be the best time to ask him. He's still awkward after all, _maybe I'll talk to him some other time.  
_  
After slipping on in some sweatpants and an old shirt, I went down and joined Donghyuck.   
  
•×•  
  
So, my initial assumptions have kind of been negated these past two days. These days aren't so far from the norms we've established, it's like nothing happened at all. He talks at me normally, interacts with me normally, does everything with me normally. So it's hard to tell if _there even is a problem.  
_  
It's no shocker when, often than not, I'm left wondering about things that shouldn't even be a concern. But he's my best friend; and I've promised him: his problems are my problems as well. He's very special to me.  
  
"Mark," a voice calls out and I look over at Jeno who walked towards my direction, Renjun and Jaemin tagging along closely behind. _These three really are close;_ for a person who doesn't know any better, they'd really think the three would come from the same faculty.  
  
I waved a hand and waited until they were settled comfortably. "What brings you three here?" I glanced knowingly at Jaemin and earned a small eye roll along with a pout. "It's surprising," I teased even more, stifling a laugh.  
  
"You big, mean jerk! What 'what brings you three here' do you mean? We just had a run-in. You've hurt me deeply." By then Jaemin had already clutched a hand on his chest, gently rubbing at the spot. _Oh goodness, so theatrical._ But I laughed nonetheless.  
  
Meanwhile, Renjun had taken it to himself to do an exaggerated eye-roll. "Dude, can you not? It's not cute," he snorted ane continued with a, "It's none of your concern; we're bored. By the way, where's Donghyuck?" Jeno nodded in anticipation.  
  
Having a friend like Renjun, I've come to realize that while some people may look cute, all hell could actually break loose when they open their mouth. But of course, I'm never disclosing that thought because I value and love my life.  
  
"Ah, he's still back at the room, talking to some guy named Hendery. I scooted first to reserve a table for us two."  
  
"Hmm." Renjun nodded understandingly.  
  
"Speaking of the devil, the talked upon had arrived." Jaemin's overly dramatic announcement of Donghyuck's arrival had snapped us back. I whipped my head to look at said person who had been waving happily at us. "Donghyuck," Jaemin chirps cheekily.  
  
"Hi Jaem," Donghyuck smiled rather dumbly and settled next to me, slightly nudging my shoulders when he's comfortably seated. "Here; I bought it for you." He hands something to my conveniently open hands.  
  
"Wow! Thank you!" I stared into his eyes and smiled widely, penetrating the hollow hole along the upper left of the box with its straw. Donghyuck smiled back, not taking his eyes off mine until I begun sipping the drink. _Moments like this accentuate Donghyuck's essence as a being.  
_  
I was in the middle of finishing the delicious watermelon-flavored drink when I stopped short, fake coughs getting both mine and Donghyuck's attention. "Where's our drinks." Jeno had his fist close to his mouth, slipping the words in between his 'coughing fit'. Jaemin and Renjun made the same move and I just furrowed my brows st their antics.  
  
Donghyuck snorted and stared straight into Jeno's eyes. "Nothing. Did you tell me you're going here beforehand," he questions in a laugh, but sassy all the while. Renjum stares, an appalled look on his face, before mouthing, "Dam, sick burn son."  
  
"Ouch. Just say Mark's a lot more special to you than the three of us combined! We're, like, extra wheeling in this relationship." Jaemin clasps a hand over his lips as he faked the most realistic cry in Jaemin history. I stifled a snicker, not really being affected, but Donghyuck on the other hand had stilled for a couple bit.  
   
He dismissively waved his both hands in front of his face, and if I didn't know any better I'd think he'd wanted to hide the pinkish tint on his cheeks. "That's not true!" He looked pleadingly at me. "I swear, it's not like that. Had I known you were hanging with us, I would've bought more," he said, an oddly alarmed tone.  
  
Although I was slightly amused at his flustered state, I schooled my expression and reached to grasp his hand. "He loves us all the same," I proclaimed, gently thumbing on the expanse of skin, and Donghyuck sighs contentedly, looking at me thankfully. I feel my heart well at the sight.  
  
"I'm a faculty mate Donghyuck, why didn't you think of buying me anything?" Jaemin flipped his not-really-long hair and smiled evilly as if he verbalized the sassiest retort.  
  
I heard Donghyuck scoff. "But you're always absent Jaem. Your presence pattern is unpredictable," he rolls his eyes and soon laughed at Jaemin's 'hurt' expression. I smiled at their shallow banter, feeling elated to have my friends very comfortable with each other. But, to add fuel to the already raging fire, I'd decided it would be better to jump in.  
  
Letting go of Donghyuck's hand, I stretched my arm to throw over his shoulder. I can see his curious expression but chose to ignore it, favoring the action of getting impossibly closer. "But I do agree. I'm very special for Duckie here. And what's wrong with that? I am his _best,_ best friend."  
  
I tilted my head to intently stare in his eyes. "Right, Duckie? You love me more than you love them?" I made sure to open my eyes a little wider for that puppy kind of look.  
  
He trapped his bottom lip between his teeth and stuttered a reply to which I chuckled lightly. "No! That's -- you coming before them doesn't mean I love you a greater amount," he said, cheeks dusted a light pink.  
  
Another set of fake coughs echoed along our space. "I feel so disturbed. Like, actually, my mind and eyes cannot unthink and unsee that. I'm forever brain damaged, thank you very much you two," Renjun fake gasped.  
  
"That's not -- ugh! Renjun!" I was caught off guard with Donghyuck's frantic response and didn't sense him shrugging me off. He had a pout on his lips that made him look even more refreshing.  
  
Not a beat later, he crossed his arms and stared the three down. "And, excuse me. I still haven't forgotten about the last time! I'm still sour about you guys canceling the date last minute." Needless to say the three scrambled to say their apologies.  
  
"I'm sorry Hyuckie! It's not my fault I had a group project to to tend to. Don't blame me, please?" I laughed at Renjun's poor attempt of an apology that came with a severe pout. _He's seriously just doesn't want the blame on him, huh._  
  
"Okay, since we're at fault, we'll compromise. Just tell us when you want to go out and we three will treat you and Mark with any food you'd like. That sounds good?" Donghyuck only nodded eagerly at Jeno's mention of free food.  
  
"Jen, you're the best!"  
  
The time that came after had mostly been mild and peaceful, the only other chaotic occurence was Renjun (not a shocker) almost killing Jeno with death glares and morbid words just because he came to a decision that, as Renjun said and I quote, is "Greatly _f/cking_ disadvantageous for me and my wallet." At one point, his anger was just too much, Jaemin had to pull him away because he started throwing punches (weak but in plenty amount).  
  
Of course, being the good friends (and wise people) we are, Donghyuck and I didn't bother to come between in fear of transferring Renjun's wrath to us. Instead, we opted to laugh at their little show.  
  
It was when Renjun started choking Jaemin instead of Jeno that my eyes landed on Donghyuck. He was smiling widely at the sight of Jeno pulling a cursing Renjun away from a slowly-turning-purple Jaemin. And I smiled as well, entranced with the way Donghyuck glowed with happiness. His smile has always been so contagious, triggering one from the people who looked at him even in the slightest bit.  
  
_I'm happy he's happy. I'm content with this. I'm okay because everything's back to normal._  
  
I wouldn't want to lose this friendship with him. I've been with him since forever and I wouldn't know what to do if I ever lose him in my life. I've not known life without him.  
  
He'll always be my friend. My best friend.


	9. decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyeyeyeyey! Shoutout to my anonymous readers and those anonymous users who's commented! I've replied to y'all comments. Just wanted you all to know I'm super thankful for all your support and love! Yeet!
> 
> Anyway, here I am again bringing content to the table! Now, with an extra! Remember when I asked y'all if you'd like extra content? Well, here you go!
> 
> It's a short drabble. Less than 1.5K words.
> 
> It's titled: encore. repeat.
> 
> You can find it in my profile (it's my only other work teehee) or you could copy and paste this link to your browser: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18579412
> 
> If anybody can teach me how to freaking embed the link. That'd be well appreciated bec I'm apparently an idiot who doesn't know how to work with ao3. HAHAHAHA! Anyway, I'm dead u're alive. Kbye gotta scoot!

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
My eyes have been wide open for hours on end; I can't seem to sleep even when I'm deliriously tired. But it really isn't easy to succumb to the call of sleep when my anxiety-triggering feelings are back at it again, pestering and tugging at me like a persistent child.  
  
It's been a couple of hours since Mark had wrestled me _real_ good. It's also been a couple of hours of me trying to understand myself; why my body seemed to _greatly_ enjoy the intimate-but-not touches and pinning down. It made no sense, really.  
  
When he decided to nonchalantly tower over me, trap me beneath him, warmth immediately spread over my body. I felt my senses go haywire as my heart didn't calm. Why when he asked, I wasn't able to give out an answer. It felt like I was having a severe existential crisis and I was at lost for what I should do. _It is exactly that._  
  
I'm not convinced it simply was the adrenaline working it's magic inside my system. We used to wrestle, as children and adolescents, even more severely than what had occured then, but never had I reacted so intensely. I don't understand why I felt that way and why I'm even feeling this way in the first place.  
  
Biting on my lower lip, I carefully turned my body to face Mark. He is currently sound asleep, comfortably facing my direction, the little sounds he produced as he breathed slightly audible, his lips a slight puckered pout. It was adorable. _Really_ adorable.  
  
I observed him. He had both of his hands beside his face, sheilding parts of it from the pillow. He looked so serene, so at peace I realized I wouldn't change this expression of him for the world. Nothing would compare with seeing Mark happy, I concluded but quickly shook away.  
  
My eyes traveled further down onto his neck and I gulped. The way his adams apple protruded on the middle of his neck made my throat go dry -- _so, so parched._ Deeming it the best thing to do, I trailed my eyes back to his face.  
  
His features looked and still is stunning, boyish and fresh and I couldn't help but stare. He's undeniably handsome and attractive, the way his captivating eyes sported these medium length lashes, nose that were small and pointed, and thin but plump lips coordinated with each other made him look so attractive despite the features being mediocre at best.  
  
_I hadn't realize that until now._ No, _I haven't put so much thought about it until now._  
  
Not a second later, I found my hand hover over his head, ready to comb the stray hairs falling down his eyes to the side to view more of his face. I stopped, metaphorical cold water washing over me and my clouded thinking.  
  
_What the hell do I think I'm doing?_  
  
I felt my hand slightly tremble as I retreated it back to where it rightfully belonged: on my side. A heavy, quivery sigh made its way out of my parted lips as my throat got uncomfortably dry once more.  
  
What the hell am I even doing; am I even _trying_ to accomplish? Why did thoughts of how great he looked -- how good he is to look at -- even enter my mind? I wasn't supposed to do that, right? Say he was handsome and feel something so, _so_ repulsive?  
  
Do I like him? _More than a best friend should?_  
  
I almost choked on thin air as the thought crossed my mind. My heart was hammering in my chest and a harsh sense of foreboding dawned on me, slighty jarring my entire being. ** _I don't._** I don't _like him like that_. I don't and never will like him like that! Why am I even considering this idea in the first place?! What the heck am I trying to _play_ at?!  
  
This is just normal. Friends, at one point of another, get this feeling. I reckon it's because of the extreme cohabitational circumstances we are in. Uh, maybe that's the reason -- that _should_ be the only reason. _Right, Donghyuck?_  
  
I breathed, body slightly trembling as different thoughts played out in my mind. "Duckie?" Mark's husky voice retracted me from my muddled mind. I stilled for a bit before heat started to pool down on my stomach.  
  
I blinked several times before answering, "Mark, why are you still awake?" A sinking feeling made itself prevalent inside. The thought of him seeing what I was doing terrified me to unfathomable levels.  
  
Amidst the darkness, I saw him shake his head. "You were gripping my shirt." He adjusted his position to scoot closer to me.  
  
I felt my brows furrow as I looked down, and true enough my hand was there clutching the fabric of Mark's t-shirt. He must've felt my hold uncomfortably against his stomach. "Is anything bothering you? You know you can tell me anything, right," he asked, his hand now laying gently over my cheek.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up like that." I looked away, unsure of what to do. My eyes snapped back to him when I felt the warm pressure transfer on my shoulder. "Bad dream," He asked rubbing circles on my blades.  
  
I bit my lower lip and nodded, my body burning from his touches, every glide his hand executed made me warmer, almost sickly. "Yeah," I said, deciding to voice out my lie. The strong urge to cry then and there was knocking eagerly in my head.  
  
A small smile crept its way into his lips as he scooted impossibly nearer, enveloping me into a warm hug. I stiffen at the sudden contact but quickly melted into his embrace, tucking my head close to his.  
  
We used to have sleepovers then and everytime I'd wake from my sleep because I had a nightmare, he'd snuggle me, providing a sense of protection. He'd always been so good -- so, _so_ good to me. "I'm here. Mark will protect you, okay?" Mark assured, rubbing more soothingly, much like how he always did and I nodded, hugging him back, tight and firm. Something was changing at it scared me so _damm_ much. I'm not so sure if I can handle it.  
  
"I'm sorry." My voice almost broke and I don't know why it was so hard to contain myself. It feels as if my chest was going to combust at any given minute, a plethora of emotions flooding my insides, almost drowning me. He didn't answer then, just held me tighter just like I did to him. Needless to say, I drifted to sleep rather quickly, soft words and cozy warmth making their way into my dream.  
  
Morning came in a daze and I found myself alone in the bed. I searched for any signs of Mark but all I found was a note on the bedside table saying he went jogging real quick to which I nodded mentally and started stretching.  
  
Once done, I took a seat on the edge of our bed, the memories from last night rushing like a strong current onto the back of my eyes. I moaned roughly. "What it happening to you Donghyuck," I muttered to myself, palming my face out of the sheer amount of frustration I felt. I'm confused as to why I'm being like this. This didn't happen before and, heck, for all I know I shouldn't even be feeling this way at all. Sooner or later, I'm going to go crazy.  
  
With a swift shake of the head, I deliberated to brush the matter off for the second time and proceeded to prepare for school.  
  
•×•  
  
"Are emotions like these normal," I asked more to myself than at anyone, thoughts about the male seated next to me floating in my mind.  
  
"Are what normal?" I closed my eyes and sighed. I think it's gotten worse; now I'm even hearing his voice so realistically in my mind. I think I'm actually, slowly going crazy with all these conflicting emotions I'm having.  
  
I answered nevertheless, anyway. "It's just -- like, it's so different now. The way I interact with them, I mean. I don't know," I muttered, slightly hoping the voice to go away and bother, perhaps me on another universe. Because, _yeah I am going crazy._  
  
My eyes bolt open when a frantic tugging at my side rattled me in the darkness of temporary blindness. I turn slightly over to see Mark wearing an expression crossed between wonder and surprise. "Did I hear you right? Did I? Who is she? Hmm? Is that the secret you're keeping me, huh? Is it?" My mind spinned with Mark's simultaneous questions, and I found myself wanting to just be eaten alive by the very ground I positioned myself on.  
  
I stared at him who had titled his head cutely, like a puppy would. Not knowing what to do, I tried to muster a sly smile. "I was joking. Bold of you to assume I _actually_ like someone." I snorted.  
  
"I saw you Hyuck. You looked like you _were going to_ pop a vein with how hard you were trying to concentrate. I really thought you had some existential crisis." Mark smiled teasingly, his cheekbones protuding even more and his eyes crinkling softly.  
  
I furrowed my brows to fake an expression. This man will seriously be the death of me. "No, Mark, really it's nothing. It's just a little practice for our presentation," I'd said, and although sounding unsure, I tried really hard to mask my confusion. And if the widening smile of Mark wasn't a strong indication he didn't buy any single thing I said, then his "Really, huh," sure is.  
  
I only groaned in slight frustration (I really can't get extremely frustrated at Mark; not when he looked so happy). "Yes way, stop bugging, please?" I had trapped my lip against my teeth, feigning annoyance when all I felt wasn't even close to that.  
  
"If I remember correctly -- which I do -- there isn't any line like that. Tell me, who's the lucky person, huh, Duckie?" He leaned in, _as if I'm ever going to tell him._  
  
"There's no one; there's nothing and that's that," I stated, a tone of finality in my voice. But Mark didn't seem to want to budge.  
  
"There is! Tell me," he insisted.  
  
"There's nothing!"  
  
"Yes there is!"  
  
"Mark!"  
  
"Donghy--,"  
  
"Oh my goodness, can you two, like, be flirty somewhere else? My ears are seriously burning with all your shouting," Jaemin said with an exasperated sigh, a hand pinching his nose. I had to stop myself from scoffing loudly. _This guy really has the audacity._  
  
"There's no one I like Mark. Period. No more questions." I turned to Mark who only shrugged at me for a response, a smile still gracing his face.  
  
I sighed contentedly, thinking the calm after the storm had finally arrived, but not a minute later, Mark decided to try me again. "That's why you were _so weird_ for the past few days. You actually like someone, huh. Never thought that would happen," he whispered in my ear, and it actually took so much of me to not melt into his warmth.  
  
But just as fast as the thought had entered my mind, it had flew right out as well. I regained concept of reality and decked him on the neck. I rarely get this violent but today's a special day, much to Mark's unfortune. "One more dammed word Minhyung and I swear to baby Jaemin, I will burn your favorite shirt."  
  
He immediately shut up at the mention of his real name I rarely use to call him. The only ever times I actually did was when I'd be extremely emotional. An apologetic smile graced Mark's features and he hurriedly scooted away from me, even making sure to glace and mutter a small "Sorry," under his breath. I grimaced half-heartedly and looked away.  
  
Weird? Was that what I was being right now? Is it not normal for me to feel this way?  
  
Whatever it was I felt, whether it be normal or not, it's not going to do me good. Dare I say it would only complicate my life, so what should I do? Run away again? It didn't work last time. But if I did it now, would it? If anything, I need to take my attempts seriously and try my best to negate the feelings succesfully.  
  
Because if not, I'll be totally, royally screwed.


	10. practice jitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck and Mark practice, for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so inactive, I know and I'M SORRY GUYS~ Forgive me~ I've been busy for quite some time now. But I promise I'll update more frequently. Anyway, here it is!

Donghyuck's P.O.V.   
  
I am totally, _royally_ screwed. I hate my life as of the moment.  
  
"Donghyuck? The performance is due next week, when are we actually going to practice for our scene," Mark asked out of the blue, a goodness forsaken book in his hands as he trudged along our living room in nothing but a fitting white shirt and his boxers. _His black f/cking boxers._ Kill me now. Please, the ground is very much welcome to swallow and never spit me back to existence -- ever. I'm going to eventually die and rot anyway, might as well cross that line first.  
  
I groaned inwards before saying, "Let's do that later, Markie. Let me enjoy my relaxation time," in a very fake nonchalant tone. I was panicking inside, thank you very much. And if Mark did notice, he didn't mention and instead simply nodded, quickly making his merry way to the kitchen.  
  
Today's a Sunday and it hasn't even been a week since I've made my _final decision_ and this is what's happening. The universe must hate me so much to contrive about how to ruin my life. I mean, it really just had to. So, I totally forgot about the task Professor Duvēn gave us. It was likely my mess of a brain threw the whole idea off along with those unwanted emotions and thoughts of Mark. I haven't been thinking well the past few days. With Mark a constant visitor at _Donghyuck's Bar_ a.k.a. my mind, I've been half a mess.  
  
I groaned and closed my eyes shut. Someday, this will be the death of me and I'm sure about that. My lack of preparedness will be the bane of my existence. It will suffocate me until I can't breath anymore. But, _no._ I got this, and I'll make it out alive. What's the point of wanting to go back to being the past, indifferent me if I'm going to fret about the situation all over again. Nothing, so it's better for me to get my ass moving than continue wallowing in these thoughts.  
  
"Practice? Hah, that's an easy-peasy. What could go wrong," I tried to convince myself.  
  
With a braver (not really, I'm still very much panicked) heart, I mentally nodded to myself and strutted to the kitchen, feeling a little more confident about facing the challenge of lasting a whole practice with Mark. But all of that went flushing by the drain when I saw him and his current state. It was pretty mundane, really, but my confused self found it so appealing it was embarassing for me to even exist.  
  
Why was I having such thoughts?!  
  
He was just drinking juice, the book opened on his other hand as he looked at it intensely while craning his neck to presumably get more of the drink but he looked so ethereal against the soft brushes of the sun rays that peeked from the window against his milky white skin. _He looked so, **so** hot. _Not that he _is_ , he's still stick-man Mark Lee, atleast that's what I want to think.  
  
I gawked, lost and unable to arrive at neither a solid thought besides him nor an action. The way his _dammed_ adam's apple bobbed fluidly on the breadth of his neck was so painfully weakening to the knees. The way his hands held the book and the glass was so, so, enervating as well.  
  
What the flying fax machine. Okay, I _need_ to stop. I, seriously am trying my best to be normal and repress my emotions, and, to a certain extent, I do think I'm putting a stellar performance. I'm, after all, able to carry normal, nonchalant interactions. But these pesky feelings keep on prodding me to the brink of insanity. I just don't know how to deal with them! They're just so incessant, it's hard to get a breather.  
  
"Hyuck, want to eat or drink anything?" Mark threw my thoughts off track.  
  
I quickly replied with a head-shake followed by, "Just wanted to tell you I'm ready to practice when you are."  
  
•×•  
  
I am freaking not ready at all! I can't stay still to save a life, especially when Mark's too close for comfort! It's not my fault he's leaning so close to me.  
  
We're currently trying to go over the scenes we need to reenact for the sick pleasure of our classmates and professor and I am the least bit focused. But I'm doing my best to mindlessly nod at what Mark was saying to appear cooperatice and functional, at most. He was diligently giving out suggestions on how to go about the act.  
  
"How about I kiss you? For real," he said, almost a whisper I didn't catch on to. But when I did get what passed through his mouth, the warm, oh so warm heat on my face was a strong indicator I'd flushed profusely, my heart hammering a bit faster and harder. I looked up at him, almost giving myself a whiplash with the sheer speed of how I went up.  
  
He was staring at me intently, an unreadable expression on his face. I swear if I wasn't so adamant on trying to be the usual me, I would've combust right then and there. My hands went clammy, nevertheless. "I will punch you hard Mark Lee if you try to pull that off," I said in an attempt to keep my face, stuttering a bit.  
  
"I'm joking! Jeez, Hyuck." Mark laughed heartily, his chest racking so closely to my back, and my face heats up more. "But if that _were_ to happen, we'd be sure have perfect points." There was something with the way he spoke that set me off.  
  
"I said what I said, and I meant what I said Mark," I said to which he nodded dismissively. "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, should we get started?" Mark proposed and I retorted with a shaky, "Yes."  
  
Without another word, he set the book down on the table and stood, walking towards the door where he's to be positioned at for the start. I followed suit and went to the far side, away from him. He gave me a questioning look, I gave him a barely-there cocked brow to signal him to start.  
  
Three. Two. One. Action.  
  
"Key, we need to talk." His expression turned serious as he started walking slowly towards me, steps light and tentative.  
  
I heave a sigh, angling my body so that I was facing him. He stopped mid-track and stared at me. "What do you want to talk about Peter? There's nothing left for us to discuss. You said what you said, now go," I said, making sure to say it with pure, unmistakable bitterness.  
  
This is the scene when the two main characters make their love for each other known after a chaotic mess that threatened to rip their friendship apart. It's _that_ scene.  
  
Mark tentatively moved forward, eyes shifting ever-so-slightly as if searching mine for answers. My heart skipped a beat at that. "I know and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to -- I didn't mean to call you that."  
  
By then he was in front of me, reaching a hand out but I slapped it away. I looked at him in faux anger and disappointment. "You didn't mean to what? Call me a disgusting homo?! Huh?!" I pushed him away and he fiercly fought to take hold of my hand. I couldn't explain the feelings that were going into me, flowing freely in my system; it was as if I was in the shoes of the main characters.  
  
My eyes started to brim with tears as I desperately shoved him away. "I love you Peter and I gave you my trust! I f//king trusted you! How could you betray me?!" I cried out, my tears falling while I surrendered to his grasp. I wasn't sure whether or not those tears were fake.  
  
He held me tight in his arms and I sobbed even more. "I love you. I gave you my everything but yet..." I trailed off. The pain felt so raw and real, I couldn't help but bawl even harder against him because of the overwhelming emotions. Mark only held me tighter at that.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm really f//king sorry Key." Warmth spread over my cheeks, his hand taking hold and tilting it so I could see him.  
  
"I was afraid, and I'm sorry for being such a coward." He looked sad, realistically devastated if I may and it kind of hurts me that all of these emotions he was showing were pure lies, a slight tugging in the corner of my heart. "I didn't mean it. I really didn't."  
  
"I -- I love you Key. But I was too blinded by the thought of how people would think of me if they knew. I'm sorry." He muttered, wiping my tears away using his thumbs.  
  
I stayed silent, the lines I would reply flowing out of my mind and rendering me speechless. All I could do was stare at Mark and process how he did the same, albeit expectantly. So I decided to go wing it.  
  
"Peter," I called out.  
  
"Key," Mark replied, momentarily pausing. "I love you so d/mn much." And said after about half a minute's worth of silence.  
  
 "I love you too."  
  
And maybe, it felt all too real for me.


	11. the great scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the scene you've all been waiting for. Prepare your heart!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I've replied to my dearest anonymous readers. Check it out if you have the time, maybe? Teehee!
> 
> Second, thank you for the 51 kudos guyses! I appreciate all the support y'all have been giving me and I hope the story lives up to your standards!
> 
> Third, I'm going to do my best to deliver the best content that I can. Tune in for the soon chapters for the tea!

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
"I love you too," Donghyuck said, voice hoarse yet it gave off a mellow feeling that went straight to my chest. It oddly made me feel attacked of some sort as I felt my breath hitch. I wasn't able to arrive at any response. How could I when everything sounded so raw, almost too pure. The only thing that I was capable of doing was staring at him and downing his being.  
  
It looked so realistic. The way his eyes glistened while tears fell across the side of his face, the way he looked at me expectantly, and the way his lips were red, plump and slightly parted. It would seem as if he wasn't acting -- but he was.  
  
Unconsciously, I'd leaned in closer, the emotions bringing me to do things I shouldn't. And I stopped, my head a few inches closer, myself before doing something utterly stupid. _Did I just almost kiss Donghyuck? Do I want to kiss him?_  
  
Before the thought could even do so much as flourish, I shook it away and said, "Wow! As expected, you do so well with theatrics Duckie! I see you haven't lost your touch," while fake observing the drying tears in his face. I had to do a hard swallow to keep my sanity, and composure, intact.  
  
He was still looking at me, unfazed and as the discomfort grew bigger, I pulled away. That seemed to have jarred his train of thoughts and he looked away, wiping his tears. He gave off a shaky laugh. "Mark, it's me we're talking about. Of course I'll be amazing! Wait here while I quickly wash my face, " he said, dismissive, and turned away.  
  
I could only do so much as stare, a silly, unsolicited feeling, most probably nervousness (I hope), budding deep in my chest.  
  
•×•  
  
I was quick to get over the events that transpired yesterday, thinking it was kind of an expected response to the whole situation. Donghyuck's acting was very authentic that it made me lose my sense of what was real and not during the moment. It was so convincing and swaying that I'd almost done something so stupid. But I probably just assumed to do what was most likely to be done if in the situation. That's it, a simple and logical explanation. If I would actually like to kiss Donghyuck, may best friend of all people, that would be weird in varying degrees of high.  
  
Meanwhile, Donghyuck was quick to recover as well as I had. After washing his face, he did come back and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie together. It's like he never cried even, his voice high, chirpy and excited. Albeit the indifference had jarred me a little, I brushed it off and proceeded to enjoy the movie he chose. Because then again, it all boils down to him being carried away by the emotions.  
  
Donghyuck's always been emotional (and a good crier), regardless of the condifence he displays, so why was I even taken aback?  
  
I snickered a bit at the thought.  
  
Donghyuck had always been the softer one between us two, constantly having this warm and bright feeling surrounding him. He cared for people, was nice to them and offered them his friendship. He always was the one to lean towards loving beauty and appreciating the smallest of things. That was _just so Donghyuck; all sunny and beautiful._  
  
Back when we were smaller, a lot younger, he was always picked on for being softer rather than tougher. He used to come to me and cry on my shoulders because our classmates criticized him. And I've always told him to never give a thought about what they had said, because they didn't matter as much as he did -- their opinions didn't count. And because I'd always be by his side, always.  
  
I protected him every chance I got, snapping back at whoever tried to harm him. It pissed me to no end how people could treat him so badly. Who were they to tell him how to act anyway? Stuck up children and their stereotypical perceptions. And of course others didn't take that well, saying if I didn't stay away from Donghyuck, things were going to get nasty for me. Something about being "converted".  
  
I gave no regard though because as much as their opinions didn't matter, their empty threats didn't as well, I did what mattered to me and seeing Donghyuck happy made me content. I couldn't see what their problem was and still couldn't up to this day. Donghyuck was a part of me as much as I am to him, and insulting him means insulting me as well.  
  
And as years progressed, so did their snide, malicious remarks grow to heavier accusations. Reaching high school, the few people who we knew from elementary spread lies about us. Telling everyone we were together, that we were more than normal best friends. It didn't help that were naturally touchy in showing our emotions, too. I was angry, infuriatingly mad, then. I saw how Donghyuck succumb to their little show, how he cowered in shame when people looked at us differently. He even went so far as to deliberately avoid me for a whole semester in an attempt to kill the rumors. I was so confused and conflicted I had to constantly stop myself from lashing out whenever I walked past an old classmate.  
  
Then I confronted Donghyuck, told him how I didn't care and how he shouldn't as well. We were and are best friends and what was more important to me than petty opinions from people who didn't know any better was our friendship. It took a lot more than that to make him even consider coming back to me, though. And I felt horrible for not being able to cut the feelings of self-anger and doubt in him when they were just starting to flourish.  
  
It was hard of course, going back to the way we were. But I tried my best to make him see it wasn't going to affect us. And it was worth it. He learned how to shove his inhibitions and go back to his usual self. I knew then that we were going to survive. Look at how far we've made, still the best of friends.  
  
"Mark? Hey there. Wake up, maybe? Professor Duvēn's here," said Donghyuck, softly and melodiously against my ear as he shook me gently. I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. He probably thought I was asleep. Nevertheless, I gave him a nod with a 'thank you' trailing afterward. He nodded in response and I turned to look away, diverting my attention to Professor Duvēn. My hairs went erect at the glint of what was possibly mischief in his usually calm face.  
  
"What the?! Are guys seeing what _I am_ seeing?! Holy -- do I have my horror goggles on?!" Jaemin had taken it to himself to voice out my thoughts in a panicked manner, his voice hushed but horrified all the same. I nodded slowly, my eyes still glued on the atrocious smirk on Professor's face.  
  
"It looks _so wrong,_ help!" I could feel the chills radiating off of Donghyuck's exclamation, and I couldn't agree more. The way he was gauging the whole class seemed as if he was expecting something to happen.  
  
"Good morning class! As you all know, I gave you a task about a fortnight ago and today is finally the day you have to execute your designated scenes." He paused. "Are you all ready?" A couple of 'yes' echoed in the room while a number of fervent 'nos' balanced it out. For a while Professor Duvēn seemed to be pondering before he spoke, "Okay. Since this is the case, I'll give you five minutes to band with your partner and have a little talk. Starting, now!"  
  
My eyes immediately darted to find Donghyuck. He already had his eyes on me. I held his gaze for a bit. "We got this Duckie," I said after a few beats, he bit his lips and nodded in affirmation. We may only have practiced one time but it's enough for me to know we'd do great in the performance. After all, we are relatively good actors; proven by Donghyuck's realistic performance yesterday.  
  
"Okay! Let's start the activity." Professor switched on the projector, the book cover clearly contrasting on the white projection screen for all of us to see. "But before I call on the first pair, I will make known the criteria. One. Props, fifteen percent. Two. Audience impact, fifteen percent. Three. Accuracy, thirty percent. Four. Pair chemistry, forty percent. A total of a hundred points."  
  
I was a bit taken aback by the announcement. He hadn't mentioned anything about a criteria in the email he'd sent out; it's quite a shock since we assumed a different evaluation technique would be used. But accuracy, though? I'm pretty sure we'd be shaving off a few points as we won't be doing that part of the scene. By half, it probably would be _half_ of the points laid for accuracy rating. Professor Duvēn could become a monster teacher if he wanted to. It doesn't help that he's so critical with the tasks he gives.  
  
But should I even remotely consider doing it? Donghyuck doesn't want me to, at least I think he doesn't. I bet he doesn't. Gahh! I really don't know what to think anymore! Why am _I_ even _considering_ that thought, anyway?  
  
And as the first pair were called, I made up my mind. I'm not doing it. I'm not going to tread that path and cross a line that shouldn't be crossed. Screw the grade. Screw the rating. What Donghyuck wants is to be comfortable and kissing him does not make that happen. If anything, it would mess everything up. I decided to watch the pair, taking in their performance until the very end. The crowd was wowed. But it was expected anyway, Park Mirae and Lee Jooheon were and still are very active members of the theatre club, and besides, they've starred as leads for quite plenty times.  
  
Professor Duvēn bobbed his head with an analyzing expression plastered on his face. He gave a small, elegant clap. "Brilliant performance! The portrayal was good, expressions excellent, audience was hyped, although, you forgot a minor detail. I'm giving you seventy-eight points for that," he said and the two went back to their seat with a somewhat defeated expression. "Next up! Na Jaemin and Kang Yuju."  
  
My hands went cold. Okay? _Seventy-eight points_ for a _minor scene_ detail forgotten?! He must be kidding me!  
  
Before I could even process the rest of my thoughs, a slightly tight grip made its way to my arm. Donghyuck looked at me with an unreadable expression on his face. His brows were knitted together, his eyes bearing into the deepest of my being. His lips were pressed into a fine line, cherry red turning to a baby pink as it expanded out. I couldn't decipher what that look was before it went away, before he let go and averted his gaze. I debated to ask but ultimately decided to just stay quiet. After all, it could be that he felt nervous.  
  
"Next! The Lees: Donghyuck and Minhyung, one of our most anticipated pairs," Professor Duvēn happily exclaimed half an hour later as he welcomed us in front. And our classmates went into a frenzy. Clearly, they had been anticipating our rendition. Out of the twenty pairs formed, four unlucky pairs (excluding me and Donghyuck because I'm very lucky with partnering with him) are of the same-sex. No wonder why they were excited; people like to talk, especially because of our past theatre experience and overall relationship. So far, the the other four pairs did tremendous. That meant the pressure was high for Donghyuck and me.  
  
But as I said, I'm not going to fold. I don't care about the criteria, I'm not doing it.  
  
"Okay, start," Professor Duvēn said, giving a single clap afterward. My hands went slightly clammy at that but I proceeded nonetheless. For some reason, something seems off; maybe it's the way Donghyuck looked at me so penetratingly that a sinking feeling settled deep in my stomach. My heart rate spiked and it all felt like a blur, me and Donghyuck embodying Peter and Key. By a few minutes, we found ourselves nearing the end. Neu was, again, in my arms being comforted as he cried his tears out.  
  
"I -- I love you Key. But I was too blinded by the thought of how people would think of me if they knew. I'm sorry," I said, wiping the tears that stained his face using my thumbs. I tried hard not to bite my lip upon reminiscing what had happened the day prior.  
  
Donghyuck continued to stare, a feiry wave of emotions trapped in his eyes. I pursed my lips, expecting anything to escape his lips. But none. "Key," I called out instead when I deemed it was too long for him to stay silent. I'm improvising and that'll probably affect our grades drastically but I can't find myself giving a single damm.  
  
"Peter," he replied, an aura of determination surrounding him. _What for?_  
  
I momentarily paused to shake the thought away. Not a beat later, I said, "I love you so d/mn much," putting in the most believable tone of undying love to each and every word there was. But I'd realize then that I'd do everything for Donghyuck. _I'd bend for him, even if it'd be done over and over._  
  
A tear fell down his cheeks then as he gripped on my sleeves as if his life depended on it. "I love you too," he had said before closing his eyes, a shaky breath trailing after his words. I bit my lower lip and tried to distance myself before the most unbelievable, baffling thing happened.  
  
Soft, warm, lush lips were pressed onto mine, sending shivers running down my spine as I feel shaky hands made their way to my neck.


	12. coming clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Talk about ey!

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
"I love you so d/mn much," Mark professed, his eyes burning right through me. If it was possible, my chest would've exploded like a grenade set off. His tone was so convincing, so real my heart clenched tight at how much impact it imparted on me.  
  
It was nearing the end and I needed to make a choice, a very difficult one at that. My eyes were burning, a heavy feeling set deep in the pit of my stomach. _Was I going kiss him or not?_ After knowing what could possibly happen if we missed so much as a puny action, I had been deliberating about whether I should disregard what was normal for even the bestest of friends to do. I didn't want to drag Mark down with me just because I was being difficult. He'd been very concerned about his grades.  
  
I know, kissing for some people, for some groups of friends are normal to do. Truth or dare games proved enough the normalization of that. But I didn't want to break that wall and possibly ruin what we have. If I were to do it and by any chance he'd be disgusted, all of the years we've spent will be put to waste. I can't deal with that. I don't know a life without Mark. I wouldn't know how to cure the massive hole in my heart if he'd decide to throw me away.  
  
A warm sensation made it's way down my cheeks and I took hold of Mark's sleeve as if I was hanging on for dear life. I didn't want to disappoint, not my parents, and especially not him. But if he were to prosper, I needed to make up my mind and do what I have to do.  
  
"I love you too," I said, closing my eyes. I tried to even my breathing but with the hammering in my chest, all I could do was release a shaky breath. I bit my lower lip, feeling Mark distance himself away from me. I gripped tighter, if that was even possible and right then I made up my mind, my senses going haywire during the process. I zoned out, clutching onto Mark harder and bringing myself up to meet him halfway.  
  
It didn't take long for my lips to be pressed against his, my mind and thoughts turning to goo. It felt incredible. How the slight firmness of his still closed lips was pliant with mine, molding to one perfect fit as I pressed on with a bit more force. Passively thinking, my hands snaked their way to his neck, gently laying there for support. His neck grew hot at the touch and I almost fainted when he tentatively pressed back, lips puckering a bit more than they did.  
  
And then I realized what I was doing, how I was feeling. I stopped and pulled away as quick as how light traveled. We made contact and he looked at me, eyes questioning, a glint of curiosity dancing along his deep brown orbs. But there was a slight hazy fondess under those eyes had left dumbfounded.  
  
And as I held his gaze, I realized then, I liked him more than just a friend. Staring at his tinted cheeks, glassy eyes, and reddened lips, I finally came to terms that it was more than what was expected of me to harbor, that it was a dangerous leap from where I stood in his life. _I really, really, like Mark._  That realization seemed to be a trigger, the emotions flooding me inside, traversing like a strong gush of liquid, amplifying every sensation to unimaginable levels. I fought the urge to break and crumble in front of him.  
  
I trembled inside, the overwhelming urge to kiss him again growing stronger by the millisecond when my eyes met his slightly parted lips. I had not wanted him to kiss me because I kept pushing my honest-to-goodness feelings then, the prospect of our friendship crumbling to its end scared me. I know that now. And now that I knew better, I craved for him. I craved for what I cannot have.  
  
Before I could do anything else that could penetrate the sword I dug deeper into our friendship, I pulled away, swiftly standing and giving a bow to our audience. Mark followed suit albeit the confusion that clearly radiated off him. I scanned the room, hyperaware of what was happening. Most of the class were clapping and randomly throwing praises and teases on the air while the others had their mouth gaping. Jaemin, for one, had his eyes almost bulging out of their sockets. I would laugh, but I'm anywhere besides being normal. I felt my cheeks heat up. I couldn't look at Mark after the stunt I pulled.  
  
Instead, I divertedly gaze to Professor Duvēn who had displayed amazament with his features. Slowly, he stood and gave a hard round of applause to which others did as well. "Daring! Although the impovisation, need I say more? A perfect remark for the two of you." The approval was clear on his face.  
  
When it was time for us to return to our seats, I was quick to ask permission to excuse myself to the bathroom, saying I needed to freshen up. Professor regarded me with a smile and I went out. I could feel Mark's stare burn through my back as his fingertips ever-so-gently brushed against my torso before I succesfully evaded it. Upon reaching the outside, I scurried to run as fast as I can.  
  
I didn't know where I was taking myself, all I knew was that I needed to get away if I were to save the littlest of what Mark and I have left. I acted stupid enough by doing that, now I need to think before everything goes south. So, I ran and ran until I came face to face with rails that overlooked the university feild.  
  
Then, I let myself collapse under the shade of a small roof attached to a ulitity closet-room. My heart beat raced with the pulsating feeling in my feet and I struggled to catch my breath. My head was buzzing, copious amounts of thoughts running all around to the point where I couldn't fathom even one anymore. I closed my eyes, abruptly opening them again as the memories of the kiss, clear as the sun, came flooding back. Just because I fully accepted in myself that I like Mark doesn't mean these thoughts I have were justifiable. It's just as wrong as it was before. _It will always be wrong._  
  
I shuddered at that. What was I thinking?! Did I really just sacrifice our friendship for good remarks?! I'm so stupid! Utterly idiotic! _F/cking dumb, Donghyuck!_  
  
I was brought out of my thoughts when a series of sharp _'ding's_ sounded from my phone. I fished it out of my pocket to reveal several messages coming from Mark and Jaemin. With a trembling thumb, I decided to read Jaemin's message first, not really prepared for the inevitable onslaught of emotions Mark's message could trigger.  
  
**• GrinchMin •  
** Active 1 minute ago.  
  
**GrinchMin: Hyuck, where are you? Mark's waiting.  
**   
**GrinchMin: He can't calm down.  
**   
**GrinchMin: Class is over. Where are you?  
**   
**GrinchMin: Do you want to explain what happened? Do you want to talk about it?  
**   
GrinchMin: Nevermind that. Sorry I asked. I hope you're fine.  
  
I held my breath. I knew Jaemin had a lot of questions but I was glad he didn't press on it further.  
  
**FullSun: It was nothing. Really.  
**   
Was my short reply before moving on to read Mark's conversation thread.  
  
**• Canada •  
** Active 1 minute ago.  
  
**Canada: Donghyuck. Where are you?**  
  
**Canada: Class is done. Where are you?**  
  
**Canada: Are you not coming back?**  
  
**Canada: Ok. I'll just bring your things then.**  
  
**Canada: But just so you know, we need to talk.**  
  
**Canada: See you at home.  
**   
I left him at seen.  
  
I went numb, unable to think or even process any other thought that wasn't of Mark saying he was repulsed by me. Just imagining him pushing me away was enough of an incentive to make my vision blurry. Why would he even want to be friends still after I pulled that stunt straight out of the gutter? After I _took advantage_ of the situation -- of him? I can't bear with the pain.  
  
I hugged my knees and brought them closer to me, rolling myself to comfort. I can't face him. I refuse to face him. Because if facing him meant him telling me everything I didn't want to come out of his mouth, then I don't want it. If facing him meant the greatest heartbreak I'll probably ever have to face, then I'll rather settle for never seeing him again, no matter how much pain that entails.  
  
Determined to avoid the confrontation that was to happen, I wiped the few of my tears that managed to escape my eyes. I stared at my phone screen for a bit, debated for a while, before scrolling through my chat threads. I eventually stopped at the person I wanted to contact.  
  
**• LongJean •**  
**Active now.**  
  
**FullSun: Junnie.**  
  
A minute later, he replied.  
  
**LongJean: Hyuck?  
**   
**LongJean: Hey, what's up?**  
  
**FullSun: Can I stay over?**  
  
**FullSun: Just tonight.**  
  
**LongJean: I'll meet you at the exit gate.**  
  
**FullSun: Thank you.**  
  
I felt a surge of warmth wash over me and I stretched my lips to a small smile. I will be forever greatful for Renjun, and although his lack of questions (given his naturally intuitive nature) was a bit odd to say the least, I'm glad that I could temporarily evade my inevitable doom. Standing, I heaved a sigh and went closer to the railings, touching the metal bars and running my fingertips along the surface as I stared past them. The feild was partly empty, exept for the few students who were either idly walking around with their friends or leisurely loitering about.  
  
A few minutes later, a _'ding'_ sounded off of my phone. I wondered who it was but it most probably was just Renjun.  
  
**• Canada •**  
**Active now.**  
  
**Canada: Come home okay?**  
  
I'm sorry, Mark.


	13. after-kiss debacle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to reply to your comments soon! But I'm still really busy with something right now and wanted to get this out because I haven't done much publishing lately! I promise I'm reading y'alls comments (I just can't reply yet teehee)!
> 
> Anyway, I've been writing updates in advanced and I really feel like you all are going to hate me for what I'm about to do. So, just wanted to, like, say sorry before I unleash the storm, maybe? HAHAHAHA? Nothing too serious though (well, for me. maybe for you it is).
> 
> Gah! I love y'all! Okay, I need to scoot.
> 
> P.S. Jj, I see u gurl. 🍑

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
The statement 'the kiss caused an uproar' would be the greatest understatement of the century. Not only did the viewers become severely chaotic with their little frenzy, they also gladly rubbed it in my face with their over-the-top teases and calls. I mean, it was warranted but not asked for. And _my face_ because Donghyuck abruptly left after discussing something with Professor Duvēn. I tried to chase him but decided to leave it be, thinking he just needed the space. I was still pretty shaken, myself. I mean, who wouldn't be?  
  
Thankfully I managed to avoid each and every question thrown at me by the prying figures known as my classmates. I wouldn't know how to answer them, anyway. But, alas, there was someone who I could never dodge. "What was that?" Jaemin's words sliced through the façade of confidence I managed to pull as I walked back to my seat, my head abruptly feeling lighter as I processed the question.  
  
The floor seemed to be something more desirable as an option to stare at, so I did. I didn't dare look up for the fear of _something_ I couldn't quite tell about, myself. "I don't know," were the only words that escaped me and it couldn't have been more of the truth. I was taken aback with the sudden contact. It was hardly something to even be anticipated of since Donghyuck, in the first place, didn't want to do it. So, him pressing his lips onto mine so surprisingly (and softly) wasn't something I was mentally prepared for. And my heart was not the least bit okay with that, it's beating still fast and hard. Strangely there was this feeling, _some sort_ of tugging, that tingled my lips after he'd pulled away.  
  
Why did Donghyuck do that? That was something so out of the sphere I couldn't comprehend the amount of boundaries he decided to break down with that action.  
  
"That wasn't planned? At all?" I nodded in affirmative at that, taking in the sight that was Jaemin's gaping mouth. "What the -- Mark. You mean," he pried again when the answer was so, _so there_  and blatantly obvious. I just nodded again, not trusting my words to explain nothing.  
  
We went silent after that as we waited for Donghyuck to come back, deciding it was not a topic to trudge for the time being. I watched the other perfomances pass by like a blur, yet by the end of it all, the person who had made his way to my mind hadn't came back.  
  
•×•  
  
It's f//king ten o'clock in the evening and Donghyuck hadn't come home as I told him to. I am worried about him, he's never came home this late even when we had fights before. At most, he returns not later than eight o'clock with that ~~cute~~  pout on his lips I've always had the strongest urge to wipe. To add to my reasons of being worried, he's left me on delivered. Does he have a _problem_ with me right now? I bet he does. He never leaves my messages unanswered for long periods of time unless he does have problems with me. Is it about the kiss? Presumably, yes.  
  
After realizing he wasn't going to walk back into class, I decided to just text him, telling him we needed to talk and that I'd see him back home. He left me on seen which didn't really bother me thirty minutes after not receiving any reply. I went home and brought his things with me, constantly thinking about how I should go about our much needed conversation.  
  
I needed answers and I was getting them tonight. Or so I thought. _Where the hell is he?_ As minutes turned to hours and hours progressed to the next, I became slighty more acute to the situation, fretting about it. Hence, why I was pacing through the living room, waiting for any sign of his arrival. But nothing was turning up despite the long wait. What was I supposed to think now?  
  
Where is he? What is he doing? Why hasn't he replied yet? Is he okay?  
  
Were some of the questions plaguing my mind during the moment as I tightened the hold on my phone and tapped on the floor faster. I've been messaging Donghyuck non-stop but his avoidance was clearer than my future as it seems; he was online but did not pay any regard to my messages. He didn't even have the heart to have me on seen!  
  
 **• FullSun •  
Active now.  
  
Canada: Where are you Hyuck?  
  
Canada: It's 10! Why aren't you home yet?**  
  
I decided to message him again, hoping to finally get a response out of the newest of the hundred ones I've sent before. But no, I got nothing. It was _totally_ fine. If he didn't want to talk it out this early, I could understand that. But the fact that he was online yet he didn't even respond to my pleas was upsetting. He isn't the only one affected by that kiss. I am as well! He isn't the only one trying to deal with the aftermath, so am I!  
  
I feel my stomach churn and heat rise to my head but I shook the feeling off, thinking that I shouldn't be feeling too upset about the whole situation. Because, _why should I?_ After all, it was just a kiss.  
  
 _Right_ , it was all just a kiss. Nothing more, nothing less.  
  
My phone rang a minute later, making my heart beat an exponential rate. Did he finally reply? As swiftly as I can, I flicked the device on and saw a chat notification Jaemin's avatar on it. I had to stop myself from physically and mentally groaning as disappointment reigned over me. Okay, maybe this wasn't the most disappointing thing. I've also contacted Jaemin earlier this evening when Donghyuck's apparent plans of evasion became prevalent in my analysis, telling him that if Donghyuck says anything to him, he should report it to me.  
  
Same had been said for Renjun and Jeno. I informed them both about the situation, minus the kissing part, and told them to do the same. Out of the three, Jeno was the first one to reply, followed by Renjun. The two of them said they didn't have a run-in with Donghyuck.  
  
Maybe Jaemin's got good news.  
  
 **• GrinchMin •  
Active now.  
  
GrinchMin: I have a lead.**  
  
Yes! Freaking yes, finally!  
  
Without another thought, I immediately pressed on the call button. A few rings later, I was connected to his mobile.  
  
"Where is he?" I cut his greeting mid-air, getting straight to the point.  
  
He scoffed on the other line. "Calm down, Mark. You make it feel like your boyfriend left you. Anyway, he's at Renjun's, as I've heard," Jaemin said.  
  
I could feel creases start to form on my forehead. "What? Don't joke around Jaem. Renjun told me he didn't encounter Donghyuck today. Why would he, of all people, lie to me," I countered.  
  
A small, audible huff -- most probably of slight frustration -- echoed through my ear before he replied, "I'm not fooling around, Mark. I was told not to tell you but I know how much you've been worried. Renjun said, and as much as I hate to tell you, Hyuck doesn't really want to see you right now. Renjun was also asked to kept it a secret."  
  
I went silent, unable to speak. Donghyuck didn't want to see me that much? D/mn, _that hurt_.  
  
"Hey, Mark, are you okay?" I could hear the shift in Jaemin's voice.  
  
Though distracted, I managed to say, "Yeah, thanks," before hanging up on him, plopping down on the nearest sofa and contemplating on the new information I've learned. Somehow, Donghyuck's evasive technique hurt a little more than it should have. I'd thought about Donghyuck not wanting to see me, yes. I've accepted that train of thinking in mind but I wasn't really ready for its confirmation. Thinking of and knowing of are not the same things. It hurt _more_ to _know_ he actually didn't want to deal with me.  
  
It hurt that he felt that way after what he's done. It hurt that he is the one asking for distance when he was the one to kiss me, confuse me, and leave me hanging. It hurt that he wanted to avoid being with me, possibly because of that kiss, when he was the one to blame. So much so that he went to the extent contriving with one of our closest friends.  
  
But, okay, it's his life. Whatever. It's not like I have control over his decisions. He's his own man, I'm just a best friend. He's not _obliged_ to keep being with me.  
  
And that _f/cking hurts a lot._  
  
•×•  
  
My head was spinning and it felt extra lighter, yet there was this pressure somewhere I couldn't point. I didn't mind though, it felt somewhat nice. Instead, I continued to chug on my glass, feeling the yellow-colored liquid run down my throat with a slight burn. It tasted bad, but it felt so, _so_ good to finally forget.  
  
The music was starting to get annoying now, as well as the chatters that seemed go occupy the place. I can't really make out the faces of the people though, the changing lights made it extra harder. But, whatever, I'm trying to live my best life! I'm here, alone and happy!  
  
"Aghh. Another glass, please," I said to the bartender when I noticed all content of my glass gone. Who the f//k drank it?! Was it me? Was it someone else? _Hah, I don't even know._  
  
Said person scooted nearer me, getting my cup and re-filling it for the millionth time tonight. I gladly took it with a face-ripping smile when he placed it back on my area, immediately downing half of what was there.  
  
Goodness, that's _good_!  
  
I slightly adjusted myself on the chair and slumped my upper body on the countertop. I feel the bartender side-eye me but I couldn't care any lesser. So, I decided to go to a bar, because why not? F//king Donghyuck left me to myself! He made his f//king choice, I'm making mine! He doesn't give a single, flying f/ck because he ran away.  
  
Haha, that asshole, really, kissing me so softy and tenderly then running away and refusing to man it out? I just wanted to talk and be fine! But no, he's too stubborn to even consider that when he shouldn't even be. He kissed me first, why is he the one avoiding the other? What a _joke!_  
  
Why am I even thinking of him who nonchalantly just threw me away? Ah, _right,_ because he's acting like such _an ass._ Him being my best friend doesn't mean I'll be forgiving him if he comes around. Even if his lips were _oh so_ perfectly soft against mine. Nope, not even if kissing him felt _so dang good_  and energizing. Nope. I'm going to let him suffer!  
  
 _Wait. What the f/ck am I even thinking?_ Haha! I'm seriously going crazy! Donghyuck's not even _that_ attractive! In fact, he's _so not_ handsome I'm going to call him right this instant! That's what he deserves being _so_ stupid and an ass!  
  
 **• FullSun •  
Active now.  
  
Canada calling.  
  
Call ended.**  
  
Well, well, not answering is he?! Hah, the audacity of this person! Wow, what b/llcr/p Donghyuck?! Answer me!  
  
 **Canada calling.  
  
Call ended.**  
  
F/ck my life! Donghyuck's a whole new level of astounding! But, _wait,_ isn't he at Renjun The Traitor's? Unbe-f/cking-lievable. That traitor, hiding _my_ Donghyuck away from me?! Does he have a death wish?!  
  
 **• LongJean •**  
 **Active now.**  
  
 **Canada calling.**  
  
 **Call accepted.**  
  
"Mark?" A shuffle from the other line made it's way to my ears. Donghyuck, maybe?  
  
I laughed a little at his act. Does he really think he can fool me with that feigned innocence?! No! "Shut up. You traitor," I said, giggling out the last part.  
  
"What's your problem, Mark," he said, annoyance lacing his tone.  
  
"Nothing, Junnie. I have no problem and am perfectly _fine._ Wait, haha, wait -- I do have one! Donghyuck doesn't want to f/cking see me and I'm so sad," I said, dragging the last syllables. My eyes stung slightly. "Where is he, you traitor?! Where are you hiding my precious best friend, huh?! You kidnapper," I wailed, a wetness making itself felt on my cheeks.  
  
I'm really going to break down crying. Where's my Duckie?! Why isn't he coming back to me?!  
  
"Renjun. Hey! Are you still there?! Don't you dare end this call!" I tapped relentlessly on the side my glass when the other line went silent. I only felt relatively calm when a small gasp made its way to my ear.  
  
"Holy cow. Mark Lee, are you drunk," Renjun exclaimed in a hushed voice.  
  
I was about to answer that, tell him I wasn't, when another voice spoke. "Who's drunk?" I almost cried in delight when the familiar honey voice I'd known to love listening filtered through the speaker.  
  
"Duckie! Duckie! Hey, I need you! Come to me, please?" Instead of an answer, a shout sounded from the other line.  
  
"Is that Mark on the phone?!"  
  
Is he coming here to get me?! Yay!


	14. finding you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck finds Mark, basically. Unnecessary things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update. Yes! I know, I'm getting real good with this updating game I play by myself. Hahaha! I hope y'alls are proud of me or whatevuh. Kks! I hope you enhoy this chapter! I'm so excited! Gahhh(?)!
> 
> ALSO, I'm terribly sorry for my poor rendition of a severely inebriated person. I don't drink so, you can really tell with how crappy it was written. I'm TERRIBLY sorry for that mindsore. Goodness, just try to unsee -- unread it. Hehe!

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
"Are you drunk?!" My brows furrowed at Renjun's hushed, distinctly panicked, exclamation. I just came back inside the room he prepared for me, and that's what I hear. I came from the kitchen, fetching myself a drink because I was prached. Then I noticed the phone Renjun was holding closely to his ear. _I thought he was talking to me, or an imaginary friend (because he's weird like that)._  
  
"Who's drunk?" I curiously inched closer towards Renjun, not missing the way his panicked expression turned to something worse by the second. He tried to evade me but I cornered him by the bed and ~~forcefully~~  gently drew my ear closer to the speaker. _Who might this be?_  
  
Renjun hadn't even gotten a single word out of his already parted lips when a voice says, "Duckie! Duckie! Hey, I need you! Come to me, please?" It was oddly familiar, just a little shifty and disgruntled that it sounds unclear but the rasp and little, specific intonations were all the same. What a _Mark_ way to speak.  
  
Wait. _Mark._  
  
Is that Mark Lee?!  
  
"Is that Mark on the phone?!" I couldn't stop the way my voice rose pitches higher when I realized that it was, in fact, Mark Lee on the phone. I had to stop facepalmimg myself when Renjun did so much as offer a nod of affirmation. I can't belive it! And why the hell is he on a bar?!  
  
Without much thought, I took Renjun's phone for myself. I disregarded the guilt of being rude to favor milking out information from Mark who's allegedly -- no -- absolutely drunk. "Mark, where are you?" I tried to sound as calm and possible talking to my, obviously, druken best friend. But in all honesty, I was far from being peaceful. I needed to know where he was and get him ASAP before he does anything that could harm or endanger him in any way, shape, or form. A slight beating sensation in my head became prevalent as I waited for his answer.  
  
"Secret! Hahaha! You thought I was going to tell you, didn't you? Well, joke's on you Duckie, because you haven't even told me why you kissed me. Hah, suck on that!" I abruptly pulled away from Renjun who was leaning close to me, his hand propped on the bedside table were were near with. My heartbeat increased a ten fold as I tried to gauge his reaction. If he's heard anything then I'll be dammed.  
  
I brought a hand close to my chest while I attempted to calm myself. My face was heating up, and Renjun could only look at me with knitted brows. _Thank goodness! He seems to know nothing._  I looked away, embarrassed. "Nevermind that! Just tell me where you are," I exclaimed.  
  
In place of an answer, small sniffles were heard through the call. It was enough to make red lights and sirens sound off in my mind. Mark was always more emotional when he drank alcohol. It happened only two times that I made him cry while in the state of being inebriated but I could already tell then it was a bad thing to even consider nudging his emotions on a micro level when he's consumed alcohol. And I mentally cursed myself for coming off too apathetic. Mark really didn't deserve it, I did. I was at fault for making all of this happen.  
  
"Minhyung -- hey, hey listen to me: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm not mad, or angry, or anything. Where are you? Can you tell me, please," I spoke trying to carry warmth along every word coming out of me, biting my lip when I finished. It was extremely hard talking to Mark so softly like a boyfriend would.  
  
The sniffles came to decrease and Mark, with his muffled voice, said, "Brave of you to have the guts to get angry when you were the one to run away. I still hate you for leaving me." It was almost a whisper, but I heard everything. I couldn't help the flutter that my heart made. The thought of Mark, after and despite all I did, being afraid of losing me was so precious, and I couldn't be more overwhelmed with my feelings for him.  
  
"I'm at the bar near our apartment," he said not a beat later and I said a small, "Okay, I'm coming," before ending the call.  
  
Just then, I noticed the gauging person that was currently Renjun in the flesh. He stared at me as if I was the most interesting thing in the world as of the moment and I couldn't help but want to cover myself up some more. Why was he doing that? Is he _judging_ me?  
  
"What -- what are you looking at?" I cleared my throat, putting on an expression of indifference as I gathered my things. Looks like all his preparations were going to be wasted; I only feel a little bit sorry. And that's because Mark needs me right now. "Anyway, I'm --,"  
  
"Yes, yes. I know. You're going to fetch Mark. If your last words aren't the biggest giveaway, then your severely worried expression is," he cut me off and I nodded guility.  
  
"I'm sorry. You even took the time and effort to prepare all of these for me," I said, feeling negatively about leaving her behind with all the efforts he exerted. He spent a good amount of time cleaning the room for my stay, it's a waste because I wasn't going to be staying tonight. But _Mark -- Mark really, really needs me._  
  
With a careless wave of his hand, Renjun swept my worries off. "No problem, I understand your _reasons_. Although, I don't get why Mark suddenly wanted to drink alcohol. That prude barely ever drinks, and if he does, it's always for something extraordinary," Renjun says all to knowingly, perhaps hinting towards talking about the matter. "Is your fight right now really that bad?" Well, I wouldn't answer that even if I can.  
  
Mark hardly ever drinks and when he does, it's either he's elated about something and is celebrating a momentous occasion or extremely upset about something. The first time he ever laid hand on an alcohol was on our last year of highschool, when he was so pissed at our Calculus teacher for giving him a lower than normal mark. In this case, he's clearly upset about me. Right? And maybe about that kiss we shared. _It is about that, clearly._  
  
Speaking of that, was he so repulsed by me he wanted to drink the memory to oblivion? Because, if so, that would be extremely painful for me. Just thinking about it makes my gut churn uncomfortably. But why would he cry about me leaving him? Becuase he wanted to punch me but didn't have the opportunity to? I don't know! I'm so conflicted about the whole situation. I can _barely_ _hold_ a conversation.  
  
"It's not -- it's not like that -- it's just -- there's a bit of a situation going on. That's all to it, really," I replied instead, trying (but really just failing) to redirect the flow of our conversation. If I wasn't up for a round of good talking with Mark, I certainly wasn't down for a consultation by Renjun. Things are sticky as they are.  
  
He gave me a shrug, a tentative one at that but I felt relieved he didn't dwell on the matter. "You don't want me there to accompany you," he asked, thankfully detaching from the idea of breaching _the topic_ , and I nodded gratefully.  
  
"No, it's fine, I can handle a drunk Mark just fine. Besides, auntie is _never_ going to forgive me for dragging you out of your Hobbit hole this time of the night. We'll be dead," I tried to at which he only snorted in response. Renjun escorted me to the door after that.  
  
"Take care, okay, I wouldn't want you dying on my watch," he called on me as I was walking away to hail a cab. I raised my hand and gave a thumb's up to assure he.  
  
•×•  
  
When I arrived at the bar, I showed my ID to the guard in-charge and I was let in without any bit of conundrum. "Thanks," I politely regarded the personnel without waiting for his reply, making my way through the metal doors.  
  
My face immediately scrunched at the scene that had already unfolded couple of hours prior. The place was dimly lit, flashes of pink and light violet lights suavely fading to one another and back as people interacted and ground their bodies against each other underneath it. The air around me also seemed thicker, hints of tingly sensations ghosting past my exposed skin. To say finding Mark was going to be a bit of a chore was proven all the more wrong when two girls came walking closer to me, glasses of red-colored liquid in their hands, and seductive smiles on their made-up faces.  
  
"Hi," one of them said, tucking what I can make out as her ash blonde hair on the crevice up her ear. The other one only craned her neck, I suppose to display her creaseless neck. They're barely even trying to conceal their motives. And I could barely even hold a smile, which felt a little bit too forced for my liking. If this were on a normal circumstance, one where I wasn't bothered to death by my (more than) friend's current druken ass, I wouldn't have minded about playing along with their little game. But then again, I probably would have. I don't know.  
  
But what I needed to do was find Mark, and quick. He needed me, and these girls obviously did as well but clearly on the different side of the spectrum.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm actually looking for someone right now, could we talk, maybe, ano--," I was cut short when the other girl with what seemed to be jet black hair ran a hand up my arm, sending me slightly tumbling back.  
  
"Just leave her and join us." It was clear how intoxicated she was, slightly slurring her words. I bet they've drank a bottle's worth of alcohol but with the way they're holding up and acting, posture perfect, I could tell this wasn't their first time in the den.  
  
"I can't. I need to find my friend." I attempted softly pushing them away, unable to find any viable exits anywhere other than that between them. What was I supposed to do when they've already so skillfully got me trapped on one relatively darkened corner?  
  
The ash blonde woman gave a faint 'tsk', and upped her A game, dramatically swaying her hips and making the most wanton expression on her face. The one with jet black hair seemed to have catched on her plan and did the same, ever so slightly bumping to me. What the hell was happening? Was this even real to begin with? How did I wind up with two girls in on me, grinding like the world was ending the day next?  
  
I almost screamed in shock when they started touching near my crotch. What the heck, these girls don't know when to quit! With a stronger resolve, I braved the option of semi-aggresively pushing them apart so I could make a run, but I guess their alcohol-muddled minds had other plans. Taking my arm, miss ash blond efficiently yanked me back to my place. It made me wonder how her voluptuous body packed so much energy. Who were these women?!  
  
"Look, as much as I want to play with you. My friend needs me. Right the f//k now." I couldn't help but cuss at the two overly horny women that were still pressed so closely to me, not listening to a word I just said. This wasn't how I planned this night to go down! Blood was starting to rush North, up to my earlier warm, _perfectly warm_ brain. Couldn't these girls take a hint? I thought, and was about to go on a full rampage when a strong hand gripped mine, pulling me away from my ex-harassers without even so much as a hitch.  
  
Was I about to be harassed again? Was this person saving my ass because they wanted it for themselves?  
  
But as I looked at my savior, I saw Mark's pissed face, a light sheen of red gracing the apples of his cheek. He looked absolutely bad -- in the most positive way; his captivating eyes bearing darkened brown orbs, and small scowl on his pinkish lips that added more to the appeal. He looked like one of those bad boys high school girls just _love_ for some reason I didn't understand then. But now, with Mark's get-up and overall aura, I come to understand every bit of just why.  
  
"What the f//k are you doing to him," he said, almost growling aggressively, disgust lacing his tone as he brought me closer to him, too close that I felt his heart's erratic beats. I felt my mind did a leap on its own. Being so close to him was making me feel week on the knees. I had to buck up to regain strength.  
  
Mark was protecting me, wasn't he? He was. That meant he still cared for me even with that unsolicited kiss I gave him. That meant I could still save our friendship, right? I still had the chance to make amends. That made me smile a bit albeit the current situation.  
  
"He approached us," Jet black said nonchalantly, as if her grinding with no tomorrow in mind was something I prompted for her to do. She even had thd audacity to fold her arms at us, staring back with a bored expression.  
  
I saw Mark's stare intensify, almost as if he had the mental condition to process everything that was happening like he wasn't intoxicated at all. "He doesn't do that," he said, his scowl getting deeper by the second.  
  
"What makes you say that? Do you even know him," interrogated miss ash blonde with her hands on her hips. I honestly wanted to lash out on them. If they weren't too drunk enough to forget, they were the ones groping me, and not the other way around.  
  
And I was about to -- about to verbally murder the women in front of us -- when something warm, and slightly wet, touches my neck. It sent shivers travelling through every vein I had in my body.


	15. drunk and sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events that transpire after Mark's unsolicited kiss from the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating yet again! Yohoo!
> 
> P.S. I'm not quite sure I can update tomorrow, but I'll try my best! 🍑🍑
> 
> ALSO, TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THE MOST RECENT DEVELOPMENTS WITH THE PLOT. Do you find it okay? Or nah? (Caps for accentuation.)

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
"Excuse m--," My rebuking was cut of short, and I couldn't help but slightly tremble in my little spot like I was having a mini-Mark-induced-earthquake. My knees could've given up at any second, but I commend them for staying up although feeling like weak jelly.  
  
Mark's lips touch my body, his heated breath fanning the expanse of skin that was my neck as the body part stayed there, warm and slightly damp. It felt like forever, but it was actually just a millisecond long, earth-wracking experience, and it was quick to go away.  
  
"He's special to me, so f//k off," he growled rather fiercly against the booming club music, barely visibly startling the two women, their stance changing to that of defense. However, as quick as they were put to panic, they recovered swiftly from the unexpected bite. Ash blonde, who was now unmistakably the sassiest one of the two angled her body and brought her other foot forward. She said, "Whatever, disgusting freaks," with a little diva sneer at the end. "Let's go Sasha." She looked at Sasha (jet black) who only glared at us before pivoting and walking away with ash blonde or whoever she was.  
  
I breathed as the pressure from earlier events flushed away from my body, sending a tingly sensation all around my insides. At last, I was safe from those two and, if it can even be considered as a plus, I found Mark. My problems have been solved, well, most of them.  
  
Remembering I was still trapped in Mark's one arm embrace, I swiftly maneuvered my way out, gently tugging at his hands while slipping away from him. I turned around only to see a dopey smile on his face, and I mentally groaned.  
  
"Why did you kiss me," I asked, deeming it right to make my thoughts be known. As much as it was impossible for him to say he did it because he actually likes me just like how I to him, my heart was beating erratically against my chest, anticipating his answer. I was still elated about that, but I can't point out if the reason was either because I liked him or because he kissed me unexpectedly. Maybe both. After all, I _do_ like him, and he did kiss me rather unforseeably.  
  
A small pout formed on his reddened lips, making it all the more tempting to rip out of his perfect, _oh so handsome_ face. "Well, what could've I done,  _best friend?_  They obviously wouldn't have stopped touching you if I didn't do that. That way, my act would was more believable," he said, words back to being slurred, but the pride behind them was unbelievably unmistakable.  
  
I almost gaped at the sudden transformation. How did he manage to act so cool when he was so drunk? I seriously need to give more credit to this man. But being in the state we're in, I gave him a half-hearted eye roll, intertwining his hand with mine. "Let's just go, yeah? We still need to talk," I said randomly, my heart rate spiking again, not knowing that even just holding his hand like that was going to cause an uproar with the butterflies in my stomach, but it did.  
  
With half lidded eyes, he nodded with a lopsided grin and let himself be dragged out of the bar.  
  
•×•  
  
"You're _so_ heavy Mark; this is such a chore! You are so going to thank me tomorrow," I whined more to myself about I-don't-know-minutes later of wasted blood, sweat, and tears. I really should've accepted Renjun's offer of help, because if he were here, things would've been definitely so much better. Mark is getting heavier by the second.  
  
I've been wrestling him from the bar all the way home. I initially though the task would've been easier given how easily he let himself be dragged out that forsaken place. But, my assumptions couldn't get any more wrong when he started acting up. Then we went to full-on wrestling mode on the streets from there. And to say handling a drunk Mark was hard would be an understatement. It was a chore! A gruelling one at that! The man could be a real pain in the ass. But I have no choice but to do as I must. After all, it was my doing that sent him there to drown in intoxicating liquid.  
  
"Ouch, dang," I tried to muffle when he accidentally stepped on my foot. He apologized with a lousy, "Sorry Duckie. Hihi," to which I snorted.  
  
Mark was limping as he walked past through the wooden door I just opened. Even with me as support, walking still was an extremely hard task for his inebriated state. "Duckie! My precious, precious best friend!" He flapped his arms that were on my shoulder until they fell off. "Okay, I'm sorry! There! You should forgive me because you've got a bigger baggage on me than I do to you." I shut up at that.  
  
I was about to reprimand him, to save myself, when he hugged me from behind, snuggling closer to me for what I could only guess of was for comfort. "Awuu. My best friend's back," he chirped in that high voice of his, bringing me as he stepped towards the bed.  
  
I could only open my mouth for a quiet squeak when he plopped us both down the soft matress. "Mark!" It came out almost whiney while I tugged on his bulkier arms to set me free. But apparently, he didn't want me to leave, trapping me in a tighter, yet comfortable embrace. I gave up fighting with him when I deemed it that getting out wasn't going to happen any time soon. It was like a death grip, I'd have to be super muscular to break through even with my lean physique. Instead, I let myself melt into his warmth, savoring the way his body pressed so intimately against mine.  
  
Has his figure always fit mine so perfectly? Has his arms always been this warm and inviting? We've always been pretty clingy towards each other, in my opinion, but I've never thought about it until today -- when everything was changing and has changed. I've never thought how his body that was proportionate to mine could envelop me in such a heart fluttering manner. It may just be the fact that he's my best friend for life but, then again, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's because I like him more than I should.  
  
The heat he radiated was comforting, calming, to say the least. It's like he was made to pacify my body. It was that kind of warmth only the closest people could give -- like my mom, or dad, but it was so much more than just that. It felt like home after a long day of stress and hard work. It felt like the dinners we have along Christmas time. It feels _right._ But I don't know about that right now, my body seems to be awfullt hyperaware and wild with some slight tingling on the areas he touch.  
  
I took a deep breath to calm myself. Has Mark always been so fragrant? Has he always smelled like cozy, warm afternoons? Like home? Even with the tinge of scent coming from his earlier drink of choice, his scent flooded my senses, tingling my nose and lungs, burning into my memory permanently the familiar fragrance that had always comforted me.  
  
"Mark." I tried again, tapping his arms that were still at my waist. My face heated immediately and I couldn't help but bite my lower lip to supress an idiotic smile. What was I going to smile for, anyway? I sighed when I heard his soft snoring not a minute later, bringing my hands to hold his and remove them from my body. Once I was successfully out and standing, I glanced at the wall clock and almost gaped.  
  
There, on the circular clock, plastered high up on the white-painted wall was the time which stated: 1:43 a.m. I went out to find him at eleven-thirty! How did time fly by so quickly?! Did I take so much time on bringing him home?  
  
I couldn't help but grimace a little but then sigh later, defeated. No matter how much discomfort or challenge Mark gives me, I can never get even remotely angry at him. He'll always be that person in my life I could never harbor any dark feelings for.  
  
With a goal-set mind, I tucked him more comfortably in the bed, using all of my arm muscles to the maximun. By the end of it all, I'm pretty sure I've almost sweat a bucket. "You're so dang lucky you have me as your best friend, Mark Lee. If I were any other person, I would've left you for dead," I muttered to his sleeping form.  
  
All this has happened in a day. A day. That kiss during English was crazy within itself, add in my unfolded feelings about him and it's an existential disaster! I don't think a simple 'this has been an eventful day' could put into words the maelstrom of a day this has been.  
  
First, I totally kissed Mark on impulse, and dare I say, want. I didn't plan on it, but thought about it. It's kind of chilling to know that subconsciously, I wanted to do that. I wanted to kiss him. And although my main reason earlier for doing so was because of 'the grades and the disappointment', I can't help but think -- taking into account how clumsy and fidget-y I've been around Mark for a while now -- that my words were all just to make kissing him justifiable and seem as if an act of innocence and consideration. That fact alone was knee-weakening; that _I wanted it so bad, I twisted and justified my thoughts._  
  
Second, I attempted to run away again, hide and never show my face because I had none to display as of the moment. And to think me running away have caused more problems that solved the one I left. I really had a way of heigtening the odds of disadvantageous circumstances, did I?  
  
Third off, I was sexually harassed at a bar, which isn't really uncommon but it was heck of a lot traumatizing. I did say I would've flirted with them if the situation was different but I wouldn't have taken it too far. Because even then, I've never wanted to engage in any sexual contact with others. It always seemed wrong for me; something always held me back. (I guess I know why now.)  
  
Fourth, Day saved my harassed ass and kissed me on his own accord! If the other things weren't life-shaking as of the moment, well this was. To say my whole body was weakened with overwhelming emotion was not an exaggeration. When his lips pressed against my neck, I almost lost it. And although I do understand it was done to prove a point because those girls who couldn't take a hint, I couldn't help but be jittery and hopeful when I shouldn't be.  
  
"Ngh." Mark's grunt made me zone in on reality, glacing over to see him shift from side to side, his shirt riding up to his abdomen. I gulped, praying to whoever saint there was to save me. He was probably uncomfortable in his denim jacket, fit white shirt and tight black pants and needed a change. I'd probably be the one to do that changing on him.  
  
Tensing a little, I willed to throw my inhibitions out of the window. I was brave, I could do it. And this isn't the first time I'm changing his clothes for him. I used to do it for him back in high school when we hung out together after school. He'd usually collapse on his bed with the reason that he was tired from the day's activity. Of course, I usually tried to pry him off from his dreamland. He'd wake up and nag at me for doing that but eventually would settle to changing and attacking me with tickles. But there were those days where he'd be so tired whatever I did had absolutely no effect. Those times were when I needed to baby him so hard. _I didn't mind._  
  
"Okay. I'll change you," I muttered, trying to sound the lesst bit annoyed and possibly not flushed, to no one in particular and went to scour his wardrobe. A beat later, I was back from picking, a large navy blue shirt and black shorts in hand. I debated on whether or not straddling Mark was the best option for my position but that was quickly went over and done with. Straddling him would give me more control and thus make things easier, was what I told myself. It wasn't wrong. So I did, a minute later finding myself on top of Mark, my legs spread, his two resting ones between mine. I shuddered, a new, looming sensation below the pit of my stomach. And I had to breathe deeply to calm my now erratic heartbeat and heated face.  
  
I pulled Mark up and struggled with removing his jacket, ever so softly voicing my complaints to not wake him up. The whole situation reminded me of trying to pry open a new paint. But, nevertheless I was able to do it. After putting the jacket aside, I went straight for his shirt. I couldn't help but gulp as I saw his stomach, my throat going dry for a moment as if it was my own private desert. He wasn't really that sinewy but his abs, and pecks, were pronounced, four imperfect squares protruding from his front of the torso. The dips from one to another was discernable, probably like how obvious my feelings were for him at the moment: very. Looking at it felt like I was sinning, succumbing to the devil. I averted my gaze. Why is he so  ~~painfully hot~~  physically attractive it felt so wrong?  
  
Quickly enough, I pulled the new shirt down and covered his sinful body. Without any other thought, I pushed him down back to bed, meanwhile taking myself a little bit back so I could change him to his shorts. And if the last task took all of my willpower to survive such sinful display, unbuckling his belt made me notice just then how much my hands were shaking, being unable to snap it open. It weirdly reminded me of the time I had to give a speech in front of the whole class during elementary.  
  
"Donghyuck," Mark moaned, my name rolling off so graciously out his lips, his hand settling on top of mine. And I almost jumped in shock. I snapped my head up and saw him, his eyes half-lidded and staring back at me, his chest rising up and down in steady rhythm. I swallowed, willing the heat that started to pool inside my body away. The way his face shone, hit by the moonlight, made me buck from falling onto the bed with my weakened knees. He appeared so erotic -- so, so, _hot and inviting under me_. And this was getting _real dangerous._  
  
Without waiting for a reply, he started undoing his belt, snapping it off one excruiating hole at a time, his eyes never leaving mine while he bit his lower lip for goodness knows why. My heartbeat quickened more, if that was even possible, and I gripped his hands to stop him from going any further.  
  
"No," I almost gritted and his lips parted, almost as if he wanted to say something but stopped mid-sentence. My body was burning, and my head was becoming a muddled mess at everything that had occured.  
  
I needed to get away. I needed to find a way out and save Mark. So I stood up and left him alone.


	16. avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck gets back at it again. Mark, well, he get's all sorts of sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not being able to update quickly enough when I told you all I'm going to try and bring chapters in faster. I've been prepping for something this past few days and it just slipped my mind. Gaah! Anyway, here it is! Enjoy! 🍑

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
"Ngh," I grunted, spreading my arms wide and patting my side as if searching for something. I still had my eyes closed, not willing to have to adjust to the light this early into my waking up. Plus, my head was a whack, a palpitating sensation barely bearable being prevalent on every part of my body. I forced it to subside but it ended up worsening.  
  
Something was definitely missing but I couldn't quite point it out. There was something, somewhat like a void, tucked somewhere deep within me as I flapped about, thinking thoroughly what it was that I was forgetting.  
  
"Sh/t," I cussed, abruptly popping my eyes open while I bolted to sit from laying down, making a searing pain cross past my head. I grunted in pain, closing my eyes but opening them again quickly. My eyes scanned the room, slightly hurting from the sun rays that have entered the room through the window, illuminating what was inside. Despite my semi-dysfunctional condition, I was still able to pump thoughts although sub-par. So, what was I forgetting? Wait. _Donghyuck_. Where's Donghyuck?  
  
I glanced at the space beside me, expecting him to be there, all curled up in his blanket, still fast asleep and breathing cutely. But he wasn't there, nor was he probably in neither the other places of the house. The place was serene, undisturbed peace reigning what there was. No clicks or clangs down from the kitchen was heard, nor were there shuffling from downstairs, or rushed water from the bathroom that was just outside our shared bedroom.  
  
_Where is he? Is he not here?_  
  
I glanced at our study table, hoping his things were still there so I could assume he just went out real quick and was going to come back soon. But the only things that was there was mine, all of his gone. Did he leave without me? I could only do so much as sigh, slightly annoyed by fact that he had stuck with his plan to avoid me. Are the events last night even real to begin with?  
  
I feel my head drum from overthinking. If it were any other person, I would've left the matter alone but this was Domghyuck. My best friend, my home -- my Duckie who ran away from me yesterday and attempted to possibly cut off ties. Of course, I'd be so worried. I needed to see him, talk to him.  
  
I plopped back to bed and glanced down only to see myself in a partly okay, partly questionable situation. My upper clothes have been changed to a nice navy blue shirt that, as much as my muddled brain can recollect, was Donghyuck's friendship anniversary gift for me from last year. I slighty fisted the shirt, making it ride up higher. _It was real?_ My vision went lower down and I noticed how my belt was unbuckled, askew on my hips while the button of my pants was popped open, the zipper slighty unzipped. A series of images flashed on my mind, stupefying me ever so slightly. No, scratch that. What I meant was, stupefying me big time.  
  
I closed my eyes and forced a gulp. Donghyuck  _was_ here, that I can say with much conviction. He was here and he did take care of me. He was there at the bar. He was assaulted. He was here but where the f//k was he now?! Did he disappear to thin air?! I brought a hand and massaged my head, wanting to ease the headache that was brewing hotter. I couldn't quite comprehend things, yes, but that didn't stop me from getting really frustrated with how things had gone.  
  
Okay, so I went to the bar and drank to -- well -- ease the hurt I felt knowing Donghyuck didn't want to do anything with me after he was the one to kiss me first. And, what happened next? Yeah, he went to the bar but got harassed by two women who were pretty much raping him in clothes on then and there no less. What the f//k was that about? _Ugh_ , people these days can't keep their hands to themselves. So, last night I saw him in a corner when I was going out to go home. He was with those two girls but it was clear that he didn't really like what they were doing. Did I rush and save him from that disaster or did he save himself? What did I do then? I'm not quite sure, the images faded to black from there.  
  
"What did I do?" I wanted to bang my head on the wall but decided to settle to shaking my head in a poor attempt to elicit some sort of memory from last night. But all I got was an intense head pain and an image I can't be bothered to see so early in the morning. I cursed a little.  
  
It was of Donghyuck stradling me, and albeit it was on front view, I could clearly remember his body being slighty bent as he tried to take my belt off. Then the image changes to those of hands that were probably mine grasping his, then pushing them away to do the job more efficiently. Donghyuck was there staring deep into my eyes, his face illuminated to an ethereal robust glow by the moonlight, his cheeks a healthy shade of pink while his lips red like cherry, slightly ajar. I remember his hair being slightly disheveled, sticking out randomly but looking like they belonged anywhere. He was just probably making a move to change my lower body wear. I _know_ that. But, for some unknown, f//ked up reason, heat started pooling on my loins, and I found it suddenly discomforting to be in my tight pants.  
  
With my heart beating erratically, I bolted to the bathroom and changed clothes, not minding the sheer amount of pain I was experiencing in my head, and in my crotch. All I was able to think of was I needed relief from the tightness that caged me, and that I needed to let it die down.  
  
Getting out of the bathroom, I breathed deeply, shaking off all images thay have possibly scarred me for life.  
  
What the f//k was that? Did I just feel that way because of Donghyuck? Wait. What the hell am I even thinking? No, it's probably not like that. It's just because it's morning, it's not because of that memory. It's just but a little morning hitch, a wood, and that's normal. Yeah, it's just that -- a morning welcome. It's not about Donghyuck, of all people. Every man experiences this, yeah.  
  
'Tsk'ing a bit, I went over to make the bed. There, over at the side, sitting on top the bedside table was a glass filled with water, a pill, and a note. I hurriedly scooted over and grabbed the white piece of neatly cut paper.  
  
_Mark,_  
_Drink this and take the medicine. Don't go to uni if you're not feeling well._  
_\- Donghyuck_  
  
I scowled a bit at the paper, wondering why there isn't anything that indicated his guilt for leaving me alone. Isn't he going to say sorry? Is he seriously nonchalant about the whole fiasco we had yesterday?  
  
Nonetheless, I did take it and got ready for school.  
  
•×•  
  
The first person I land my eyes on as I entered the gates to our faculty was Jaemin. He was relatively farther away from me, but it was enough to make his form discernable. His body was facing my side as he talked with someone of the same height as me but a bit shorter, and if I wasn't mistaken, the familiar figure was of Donghyuck's.  
  
"Hyuck," I called loudly, almost a shout, starting to run closer to them. I could've been wrong, but alleged Donghyuck's shoulders perked up as if he was caught red-handed. My heart rate spiked, a sense of victory reigning in my chest. But the was all before he made a run for it, abruptly speeding and making a turn towards the more crowded area of the cafeteria. I mentally cursed as I finished jogging towards Jaemin who was staring at where the other ran. He was gone then, fading into the hordes of people.  
  
"Oh, Mark! You're here. Dude, you just missed Hyuck." Jaemin greeted me after that while I stopped on my tracks, catching my breat. I said a small "Yeah," for a reply, not knowing how to respond with what he said.  
  
So it was Donghyuck. Why did he run away? Does he not still want to see me?  
  
Jaemin slightly elbowed me. "By the way, are you feeling better? I heard you went clubbing the night before. Hangovers aren't a joke, dude."  
  
I felt my brows furrow. How did he know about that? As far as I remember, I didn't tell anyone I'd be drinking. Well, until I got wasted and called both Renjun and Donghyuck. "Huh? How did you know about that? I don't remember telling you anything."  
  
He shrugged nonchalantly. "Junnie told me, Donghyuck did as well. By the way, he's acting awfully weird," he admitted, putting emphasis on the word 'weird' as he taps a finger on his jaw.  
  
"Weird how?" I slightly leaned in.  
  
He made a face of confusion and proceeded to tell ne more. "It's weird because he sounded like he was leaving you to my care. So, a while back during first period, he was blabbering about me accompanying you to classes or whatever. He was fretting about you a whole lot." He added, "I don't really get it. Anyway, have you talked it out?" I heaved a sigh. What was Donghyuck trying to play at? Did he really find the situation we were in somewhat appalling that he opted to leave me be? I can't even support that thought to say the least. We needed to settle this before it gets worse. Before anything worse than him avoiding me happens.  
  
"Hmmm, I take it you haven't done so?" Jaemin sighed after a minute of silence.  
  
"Unfortunately," I answered.  
  
A warm palm made its way to my shoulder, gently squeezing the area in a comforting manner. "Don't worry too much, Mark. He'll come around. I'm sure it's awkward for him too, just like how it is to you. It was unexpected after all," he offers understandingly, eyeing me when I couldn't look into his eyes.  
  
"How about you, any thoughts about it?" He looked at me, expecting an answer. I wavered at that, my shoulders slumping. "I don't know. I still can't make out how I feel about it. But, I swear, nothing's going to change between us," I said, trying to inject the most confidence I could muster in the last sentence.  
  
Even if Donghyuck doesn't want me to. I will make it work -- I'll do everything in my power for us to return to how we were. I'm not capable without him beside me, I need him.  
  
Jaemin just opted to give me a small nod. He reminded me of how my mother always did that whenever I come running to her, spouting nonesense about how Donghyuck and I had a petty fight. She always had this reassuring action that soothed my nerves. "Hmm. Agreed. For the kind of relationship you two have, this is just a small bump along the road." He proceeded to give me a little nudge, almost making me lose my balance.  
  
"Yeah." I smiled albeit unconvinced. Maybe things will look up. I sure hope they do.


	17. the days after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The days after that eventful incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here yet again bringing another update! Hahahaha!

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
I was seething in pure and utter rage. It's been a week -- a whole bloody week -- and Donghyuck has efficiently avoided any means of interaction between the two of us. To say I was angry doesn't even cut it, I was heated and so riled up I could punch senseless whoever disrupts me. Because I'm not even sure _if Donghyuck would come around._  
  
I tapped on the polished wooden table, my feet doing the same to the tiled floor that stretched far and wide. "Where the f//k is he," I muttered, eyeing the crisp, grayed-white pages that were adding to my headache. I've been studying for our Maths class monthly quiz for about an hour now and my brain has constantly refused to digest any information I force on myself.  
  
I've noticed this past few days I've been cursing a whole lot. I think it has something to do with Donghyuck. Well, it probably does since he's ever the only person that could make me so agitated to the point of insanity. People could do so much to irate me but only Donghyuck has the power to make me so disoriented, I acknowledge that.  
  
"So, x is multiplied to y and y is transposed to get this result. Then, constant is divided to result to get input for the final formula," I reiterated, trying to veer my thoughts away from my best friend who was currently out at eight o'clock in the evening without telling me where he is or even giving a simple head's up prior. I ran a hand through my hair, slamming the book close, and leaning back further against the chair. I wanted a break -- an honest to goodness mental and f/cking emotional break. It feels like I was, at any point in time, going to go insane worrying about Donghyuck.  
  
It's literally been days since we've talked, and it doesn't help that we got off the most incorrect foot there ever was. It's been days of sleeping alone, cold without his warmth pooling on his side of the bed. It's been a week of waking up alone, going to school alone, and being f//king alone because he didn't ever 'come around' like Jaemin said. And I'm sick and tired of being alone and not having him close by -- of not feeling his presence, and his warmth, and everything that's good about him. I'm so, _so sick._  
  
The first day was fine, nothing much happened. He was back to sitting next to me and all, but he didn't talk. I didn't mind that. It was understandable that he needed space to think. So I left him to do that, I stayed quiet and minded my own. The second day was when things started to get worse -- incredibly hideous, actually. He started avoiding me, sitting far away from where I was and avoiding to look at me when I stared. It was horrible, and I knew, with the foreboding feeling that settled within my chest, that it was just going to get worse, if that was even possible.  
  
Which of course, things should go south. I don't know if I have really terrible luck or if the universe hates me by this point. The third day onwards was a complete mess. Not only did Donghyuck stick to avoiding me in class, he also extended his efforts inside our home. _Our home_. All in all, he slowly became this elusive figure much like a dammed legendary Pokémon. I can't be happy about that. _And I'm not_. I just wish he'd just show himself to me, talk to me, and so we'd settle whatever it is that's going on between ourselves.  
  
"F//k," I cried in my palms, sobbing to myself. I was getting so worked up about the situation, but that'd be easily justifiable. My best friend since childhood has left me -- possibly for good! This situation was very reminiscent of that one time during elementary, and that was not was not a good time for me.  
  
What I hate the most is feeling unwanted, especially if I'm undesired by someone I treasure so closely. I've always feared feeling that way, and I didn't want to experience that in my lifetime. But here I was, thin tears falling across my face because I've been abandoned. I've been deserted by someone who I consider a fundamental part of my life.  
  
"Donghyuck," I muttered to myself, crying once again in my palms. The bed sounds really good right now.  
  
•×•  
  
"You look dead, dude. Those bags in your eyes are unbelievably huge," Renjun said, a passive comment, eyeing me as if I was a celebrity scandal in the flesh. I couldn't help but grimace before looking away. I knew I looked horrible, but so what? Isn't this normal? _I don't feel elated losing my best friend, okay._  
  
Renjun gave out a strained laugh, slapping the faux wood table that was smooth under my touch. He grabbed his iced coffee and sipped some before clearing his throat, trying to lessen the budding tension. He muttered a small, "Sorry," which I quickly nodded off.  
  
I couln't really get angry, could I? It was true anyway. I looked like I haven't slept for days, which wasn't really a lie, to be honest.  
  
"It's okay. No harm done." I decided to affirm what my action meant, and Renjun pursed his lips weakly, his eyes that laid on me telling he didn't believe anything I've said. But glady, he didn't comment.  
  
We were at a coffee shop near our campus since Renjun wanted to meet on a Saturday. He messaged me last night asking if we could have a talk; I could only assume he now knows about the whole fiasco Donghyuck and I am stuck in.  
  
I dragged my fingertips along the creaseless, shiny surface of the porcelain glass I held in my hands, observing how steam rose off from the caramel liquid it contained. I badly wanted to shift uncomfortably in my chair, but I figured it would make the atmosphere tense up even more. "What did you want to talk about?" I settled to looking down at my coffee.  
  
He cleared his throat once more before looking at me directly in the eyes. "Mark, I know you know what I want to talk about," he answered, eyes softening and I looked away. I didn't want to talk about it because it still hurts, _it will never stop hurting._  But if Renjun's tone was any consolation, I'll take it.  
  
"Mark, you look horrible," he said it as if he wanted to say more but decided against it. The look he gave me seemed to tell it all, though: _I can't delay this._  
  
"I know, Renjun," I said back, bringing my cup to my lips and letting the warmed liquid flow freely inside me. It was comforting and I couldn't be more thankful about the temporary bliss.  
  
"Do you not have any plans to talk to Hyuck about this?" Renjun leans back a little more. And I looked away, roaming my vision around the shop that held no more than fifteen people scattered along currently. I didn't answer, hoping he'd let it go, but, "Do you plan on dragging this on Mark? Do you not want to talk to him," he reiterated, words bearing into the crevices of my brain.  
  
I wanted to, _I still do._ But does he?  
  
I scoffed a bit, seemingly insulted by the idea. "Why should I? Renjun, he's the one who's been avoiding me as if I'm the plague of some f/cking sort." It is the complete truth. Donghyuck's been so adamant on isolating himself from me. I can't help but feel bitter ang angry about it. We're not f/cking ten years old to be dancing around like this, but Donghyuck's doing just that.  
  
 _And it f/cking hurts._  
  
Renjun lowered his eyes and sighed, his shoulders visibly slumping, and slightly I wondered if I felt the wrong sort of emotion. "I'm sure he's awkward just as much as you are, Mark. So you should; go talk to him." He drank from his cup. I remain silent when I feel the sides of my eye twitch. Is he seriously trying to propose that idea when it was clear I was the one being avoided and not the other way around? Huh, _wow_.  
  
"Why me though, Jun? It's not my fault he doesn't want to deal with me. It's him who started doing all these weird things, yet it's him who blatantly avoid me just like that," I bit, tone venomous. Donghyuck's being an A class asshole right now. Why should I be the one trying to make efforts? And I know I'm getting irrational. But I'm hurting, and it's _f/cking_   _unfair_.  
  
"I saw him yesterday, Mark. It's not only you who's suffering, there's also Donghyuck. He looked a tad bit more dead than you are." Renjun almost look hurt saying that. "Talk to him, Mark. I'm sure he wants to talk as well," Renjun added, and I sarcastically laughed at the statement irony.  
  
"He wants to talk, huh," I chuckled. I felt like I was going crazy. Sure, a person who tries to become elusive wants to talk. That's some _inarguable_ logic.  
  
Renjun nodded solemnly. "I'm sure he does. Try talki--,"  
  
"If that's so true then why does he go through such extents to avoid me?! How can you say he wants to talk when he clearly doesn't?! He doesn't f/cking want me Renjun. He wants nothing to do with me," I cut him off, the last words almost a whisper as my eyes heat up comfortably. My head was heating up trying to understand the logic of everything he was saying and stomach churned uncomfortably, attempting to digest the blatant idiocy of his statement.  
  
If Donghyuck wanted to talk, he should've been the one meeting me. He should've been the one I was conversing with in the first place. If it was so true he wanted to set things straight, he should be exerting the least bit effort!  
  
"Mark," Renjun said, voice calm yet able to cut through the incessant feeling of anger that had pooled in me to the brim. I shuddered a bit before sinking into my seat, guilt eating me up. I shouldn't have done that. _I'm being such a dick. Renjun doesn't deserve to hear these._  
  
"I'm sorry, Junnie. I really am." I closed my eyes and brought a hand to massage my temples. I was honestly losing my patience with Donghyuck, it was getting harder to pull myself together.  
  
"I just -- I -- I don't know what to think anymore, let alone what I should do. He's been slipping away. He hasn't even come home for almost a week now. And it's almost been two weeks since we've spoken," I admitted, voice small against the silence that had permeated the air.  
  
I miss Donghyuck. I really do.  
  
Renjun shook his head in a slow pace, 'tsk'ing ever so softly. "You really need to fix yourselves," he said and bit her lower lip, as if debating about something inside. "I'm not supposed to tell you but..." he added but quickly trailed away. My senses perked at that and I was fast to question about.  
  
"Not supposed to tell me what," I asked, leaning is as a reflex action, almost as if the information he was about to disclose was of priceless treasure. Renjun looked at me a bit weary, kind of like he was gauging the whole idea of telling me the secret and if it was a good or bad decision. But that apprehension was fleeting, replaced by decisiveness. He breathed before proceeding. "Donghyuck's attending a week-and-a-half-long convention starting a fortnight from now. I don't know when he leaves. Talk to him before then."  
  
A week-and-a-half-long trip -- Donghyuck's going on a week-long trip away to whoever knows where and he wasn't even planning on telling me? And what the hell was a fortnight?  
  
"That's next, next week," he added, having the heart to lessen my inner turmoil, and my ears rang.  
  
We seriously needed to talk. And if he doesn't want to, then I'll make him. _I need to fix us._


	18. reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The make-up we've all been waiting for. Or I guess that's what it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. Out the window does my promise to bring updates frequently fly away. I know, I know -- such a bad habit. But, here it is? I hope people are still reading this? HAHAHAHA! Idk, my absence has been terryfingly frequent and in long periods of time so we never know.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this update? Okay, I gotta scoot!
> 
> A, like, post something word:
> 
> THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS! (I hate myself for that; y'all have probably watched it already.)
> 
> I've finally gotten around to watching Avengers: Endgame (I know, sue me Marvel fans! (I'm kidding though.)) and I can positively say I'm hit right in the feels. Like, bestie why'd they needed to die? Like, I CAN'T even try to process why -- just why it needed to happen. But well of course that's just my irrational, childish side. I realize very well why. But that wouldn't stop me from every questioning the creative choices the writers have made. Like, y'all, I'm not even sure they gave Natasha the movie she deserves! UGH. Anyway, the whole Peter/Tony reuniting scene was like a hard hit on the head. LIKE, WHY U GOTTA DO THEM DIRTY LIKE THAT MARVEL?? I cri. And there's his child who pretty much is still so young to lose a father. I CAN'T. I hope better things come with Phase 4 right around the corner? Yas?
> 
> I've gone off on a tangent, so I'll end here.
> 
> I'm still basking in the feels though. It's like Freddie fever all over again.

 Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
That night, I ended up staying in the bathroom for what seemed like hours, knees pressed against each other, and body coiled as I leaned on the chilly white tiled walls, attempting to pull myself together. I felt so, _so guilty and disgusted with myself._ It had been so wrong, I kept telling myself then. I wasn't supposed to feel that way; I never should feel that way for Mark. It was disgusting, the way my body temperature rocketed as I struggled to breathe, the sickening heat pooling on my loins unbearable. My mind hurt with thoughts so unpure and incriminating, and my heart pounded with sick excitement at what equally sick fantasy I made up. _I f/cking hate myself._  
  
I had cried profusely that night, willing my body to not react that way. Did liking somebody meant subconsciously objectifying them? Do they automatically become something to supplement impure thoughts? Because if it meant that, I shouldn't even think of liking Mark. He deserved so much more than the distasteful sensations that had traversed my body. He deserved so much more than just being someone who could fuel my libido. _He deserves so much more than the person I've become._  
  
Had this been the reason as to why I kissed him? Because I was impure and wanted him -- craved him? I asked myself but reached to no answer. The sick thing was that I even tried to justify how I felt, like it wasn't something I could control when it could've been stopped. I was sick -- I was lusting over my best friend who only showed me kindness and love all throughout the duration of our friendship. I was making him into some contored concept of who he isn't _._ It wasn't a matter of if it was wrong or right, it was a matter of how utterly wrong I had been, and it was  _so wrong_  
  
I wanted to get away, cease to exist. I couldn't possibly face him after experiencing that; I had nothing to show him. I had already kissed him without his consent, now I was putting him into the fiery red light of lust too? He didn't deserve the least bit of that. I wanted to tear my hair out for even trying to objectify Mark like that; he isn't _some toy._  
  
Mark had always been someone I could count on -- someone for me to lean on. He was that pillar that made my structure what it was. He was always that person who I rooted myself on, anchored for strength. And to use him, that connection -- one I consider to be my home -- and warp it to something it's not for my personal gain, for my retarded darkness.  
  
I wouldn't risk spoiling what we have. _I needed to save him from me._ So, I decided to turn away, leave him and isolate myself. This time had been more serious, my going through extreme extents to evade him. I didn't plan on it but as the want to protect Mark from the monster that was eating me inside grew, I became extremely weary and cautious.  
  
I was still going home but I'd always make sure it was atleast around twelve in the morning, when Mark would be fast asleep to not notice I was home. I was a coward and I knew that. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to hear what he had to say -- what he thought of me. If he knew, he'd be so, _so appalled._ And that scared me. Imagining his reaction scared me so much, I couldn't face him.  
  
And so I would always leave before daybreak, careful not to let him awake in his slumber. It was hard -- avoiding him was hard especially now that I knew I longed for him, reasons indescribable by mere friendship. I've lost precious hours of sleep and had so little food but I heeded not to the pleading of my eyes and the churning of my stomach but to the shame and doubt that deteriorated my resolve.  
  
Thus why I was tiptoeing, cautious to not make any sounds that would give away the fact I was here. I checked at my watch: 12:39 a.m. it reflected back, and I inwardly nodded at my job well done. This was good; I was consistent.  
  
I closed the door with a small click as its lock snapped shut, and I let the breath I was holding go. As much as my eyes wanted to close, and my body collapse lifeless on the floor, I wouldn't afford letting loose. I need to be mute and fleeting. I need to _for_ _Mark._  
  
I pivoted, turning to the living room, and to say I staggered while doing so would be an understatement. I very much almost fell on the floor if I hadn't gripped tightly on the sofa near me. My body's been terribly week as of lately, and I'd been finding it hard to stay securely on my foot. But none of that matters as much as Mark.  
  
I sauntered my way through the staircase, thinking it would be the best way to go about. Silently, I made my way up, imagining my feet were feathers, touches on the ground lightweight. I huffed slightly when I managed to go up and open the door without a hitch.  
  
I was beginning to think I had things under control, that this was my A game. But apparently, the world had other plans. My slightly blurred vision focused on a figure seated across the room, chair faced towards the door so he could easily see who went in. Of course it was Mark. _Why would it not be?_  
  
The room was dimmed, the only light illuminating what there was was the study table lamp. It weakly glowed yellow, casting a healthy lemon sheen on Day's skin. I gulped. Was this going to be it? Is this the end of our frienship I desperately tried to preserve? I hope not.  
  
"Mark," I stuttered, almost coming out a slur as bile rose up to my throat, and I slightly gagged. It was suddenly hard to breathe, and I struggled with every intake of air. There was a surge of emotions I paid no heed to.  
  
"Donghyuck," Mark replied, tone not giving away anything he felt. He fixed himself and stood, the serene silence disrupted by shuffling sounds as the chair moved back. I wasn't able to move as Mark stepped closer. My vision began to blur even more as thoughts flowed into my mind, rapid and burning like a gush of water from a geyser. I shuddered, my skin cold against the chilly air that surrounded me, but the burning sensation all the same.  
  
Was Mark doing to punch me? Was he going to berate me for doing the things I did? Did he learn of how I felt about him? Were the thoughts that successfully prodded thick salty tears to run down my cheeks. _Maybe he'd known how disgusting I had been.  
_  
 _I'm scared. Is he going to leave me?_  
  
I gasped when Mark was arm's length away, and I broke down, sobbing, attempting to spew explanations but failed miserably. My cries were the only sound that filled the four corners of our room. "I'm sorry Mark. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," I managed to squeeze in all of my wails.  
  
Not a minute later I was embraced, his warmth spreading to my body, fusing with my own. I was taken aback by the sudden yet comforting action. My sobs only got harder when his palm started running up and down my back while we weakly swayed us left to right. It was a thing he usually did whenever I was sad and needed attention.  
  
Before I could find any reason not to, I leaned in, my head positioned snuggly on his chest, and my arms circling around his waist. I held him like I was going to lose him, like I was scared something was going to take him away from me. And I honestly was. I was scared for so many reasons.  
  
"Are we still okay," he asks, almost a whisper, his voice the softest I've ever heard them, and I trembled beneath him. "Why are you avoiding me Hyuck? Have I done anything wrong," he asked again, and the question hangs heavy in my muddled mind.  
  
And I didn't have an answer. I don't know the answer. Amidst every reason that I have formulated, nothing seemed to be the right one. So, I wasn't able to say anything. Instead, I buried my head deeper into his body, not wanting him to see me cry even more. To appease, I shook my head vehemently, putting every ounce of the unsaid guilt and remorse I felt into it.  
  
Mark breathed calmy, his hands going up to lay on my shoulders which he pushed slightly afterward. When we were fad apart enough for unrestricted eye contact, he stared. I became conscious under his gaze and tried to angle my body away but he held me steadily.  
  
I hated what I saw; I hated how he looked. It sent my stomach plummeting further down because I knew I was the reason for why he looked ghastly; the almost severely bloodshot eyes, the brown bags underneath them, and the downturned lips that he tried to press into a line. It was bad.  
  
"You look like a mess. Have you been eating well?" He rubs along my blades comfortingly, taking me out of my trance. I winced weakly at that. I haven't, I thought. I didn't really think about it. I chose to remain quiet, my eyes now downcast.  
  
Mark only released a deep sigh, his hands coming to my head, probably to run it through my hair when he stopped on my forehead. His hand laid there and my body warmed against it. "Hyuck! Why are you burning," he exclaimed, frantic. He made his move to check on me again.  
  
And it was true. I noticed just then how I felt hot, burning even. What was happening?  
  
Before I could even ponder, I lost consciousness.


	19. back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The actual make-up you've all been asking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm giving them a little rest from the drama. HAHAHAHA. 🤣🤣

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
I shuffled slightly, eyes blinking open to see Donghyuck beside me sleeping tightly. Renjun's right; he looked dead, almost as if his life had been taken away from him. My insides twisted painfully as if someone's hands intruded my stomach and tangled my guts to a bloody mess. I had to avert my gaze from what I saw.  
  
A quivery breath escaped me as my mind wondered how this has happened to Donghyuck in only a span of days. When Renjun told me I wasn't the only one suffering, I didn't pay attention and took it bitterly. But it's was hardly a lie -- it wasn't only I who had a hard time. Donghyuck, as far as I can see, had been to the extreme. It was selfish of me to think he didn't have the conscience to sulk over what was happening. I'd seen myself in the mirror this morning, and I can tell Donghyuck had it worse.  
  
I wanted to shout at his sleeping body, scold him for how he could let go of himself and how utterly stupid he was. But as much as I did want to do that, I knew I had been to blame as well. I didn't make my efforts, instead of approaching him, I chose to wait. It was such a wrong move, I realized the moment I was close to him.  
  
He looked awful, it was painful to my eyes -- especially to my heart. He's never looked this way before. Never had I seen his eyes so lackluster, hideous eyebags in tow. Never had his face looked so pale it was similar to that of alabaster, and never had his cheeks sunken that much. Never had his lips lost its cherry red like how it did. I had to try not to cry then. It's worse than how I initially percieved it to be. It's hard seeing someone I love suffer so much. It was so, _so_ hard to endure. I wanted to crumble then and there, but I knew I needed to be strong.  
  
When I saw him breaking down, all of my anger went and gone. How could I hold it against him when he was clearly holding in a ton of baggage I couldn't quite comprehend the density? I can't and shouldn't.  
  
"I'm sorry for being so selfish," I whispered to the air as I held Donghyuck's cold hands and gently gripped it. It's been hours since he collapsed in my arms, hot and barely breathing. I had been so alarmed, and I didn't know what to do.  
  
It turns out he's had a fever, a high one at that. He almost reached forty but gladly he didn't. Had he been taking care of himself well? Obviously not. He wouldn't be laying soundlessly on our bed if he was. It was clear like noon how hadn't been so adamant on attending to his own bodily needs. I had hauled him to bed and was beyond shocked when the areas where I had to apply more force started turning dark red. What the f//k did you do Donghyuck, was the only thing I was able to think of while I held my tears back. So, I fixed him; changed his clothes and wiped him clean even though it hurt me to see him at his current condition.  
  
I let go of his hands, sniffing a bit while I closed my eyes and wiped a stray tear. I shouldn't have been too idle.  
  
When I opened my eyes again, Donghyuck was awake, looking back at me. And I held my breath, as if afraid that if I would exhale in the slightest, he would vanish without a trace. My vision went blurry tears started rimming my eyes, warmth flowing easily out.  
  
I missed him so much, and having him near at such a promiximity proved to be overwhelming for my heart that was thumping rather wildly. I can't believe I have him back.  
  
His fuzzy figure visibly tensed and quickly, as if it was instinctual, Donghyuck brought his hand and laid it softy on my cheek. "Minhyung," he called, his thumb brushing softy against my eyes, wiping the salty tears away. My heart leapt at that, I'm not just sure where.  
  
"Are you -- are you angry at me," he asked when he shifted for my other eye, the couple of seconds keeping silent broken. I couldn't help but stare at his features, how despite being so worn out he still looked eathereal, shining against the yellow light scattered in parallel lines across his figure.  
  
I didn't know why but I feel my throat go dry and my hand that clasped his clammy. "I'm sorry," he said, voice thin and unsure, when I didn't reply and I suddenly found myself weakly gasping for air when he started retreating his hand. Without another thought, I chased after it and held it tightly between us.  
  
"I'm not angry at you, I guess I'm just disappointed. But I am angry at myself." I settled with that vague end, running a thumb over his hand and bringing it down to rest more confortably between our bodies. "Why'd you leave," I asked, voice tentative as I stared into him.  
  
"Why did you do that, Donghyuck," I asked again, vision trailing from our hands up to his face. I was taken aback when tears flooded his eyes, falling quite heavily on his cheeks. I cursed lightly before wiping them using my thumbs. "I'm sorry Mark. I know I've been terrible. I'm so sorry," he breathed against my palms.  
  
I wasn't able to think of anything good and remotely coherent to say so I spewed out any word that I was able to conjure. "If it's because of that kiss, don't worry. I'm not weirded out or anything. It's fine." There was an expression that his eyes donned after I said those words, but it was fleeting and indiscernible so I let it be. I waited but he stayed mute.  
  
"What's the problem? You can tell me." I prodded him to answer by lightly massaging his cheek. "Duckie," I added, trying to get to him.  
  
Donghyuck had always been mysterious for those who didn't know him well, he was always so keen on keeping to himself that, as kids, I always needed to pry his secrets out with much effort. And if I could do it then, I could do it now. So when he attempted to look away, I tilted his his head to make him focus on me.  
  
His shaky breath traveled to my arm and my hairs stood like they were on defense, anticipating for an attack. After a few moments of staring, he breathed again, deeply this time, and he closed his eyes. "I was scared, Mark. I still am. I was foolish to even think kissing you would be fine," he whispered, voice tiny and fragile as if it could break with the slightest of touches, and I realized it then how much conflicted he had been. And I felt guilty for doing him so unjustly.  
  
"Were you disgusted? Were you angry?" He shifts ever so slightly, starting to coil and I stopped him, putting my free had on his waist. He was insecure, I could tell. And I needed to pacify him before he completely succumbs. _I don't want him to break._  
  
I brought myself closer to him and enveloped him into a gentle hug. "I'm not angry. I will never be truly angry at you. I was just surprised," I said into his ear, my hand automatically coming to his back to rub up and down. _I like this,_ was a passing thought I'd pushed away quickly.  
  
I wasn't really that touchy as a person. I often hated when other people initiated skinship, but with Donghyuck, everything I did or he did came about flowing, as if it was what we always were meant to do. It was natural when it was with him. I pegged it to be because of our dynamic friendship.  
  
Donghyuck snuggled closer to me yet his touches were distant and tentative. "It's fine Duckie. It's nothing. That won't change who we are, would it?" I supplemented, the question accidental, and I swear I felt him freeze for a spilt second before settling deeper in my arms.  
  
"Yeah, it won't," he said and I nodded ever so softly against his head.  
  
There were questions starting to form in my mind. Why he said it like he was unsure -- why he was so stilled in his place. "We're still best friends, right? Nothing's going to change because of some kiss we've shared," I said, but I didn't know who I was convincing. _I wasn't so sure, myself._  
  
"We're going to be friends forever, right? We're both straight. Nothing's going to change, yeah?" I nibbled on my lip. I didn't know why I was still blabbering but I couldn't stop myself. It was as if I was searching for the perfect thing to say so I could redeem myself.  
  
Donghyuck shook slightly in my arms, sniffing sounds coming from his form, and my chest tightened uncomfortably. Did I say something wrong? Why was he crying again? "Yes. Nothing's going to change. I'm -- I'm sure," he muttered between his quiet sobs.  
  
I decided to wait until he calmed down -- until he stopped shaking, until his tears ceased to fall. The time it took for me to listen to him cry was excruciatingly long and I hated every second of it. I hadn't seen Donghyuck cry so much because of me since high school. It was during that time I confronted him.  
  
"Let me be your best friend again?" I feel myself shy away.  
  
He slowly distanced himself and looked me in the eye, the faintest of smiles on his cherry red lips. I feel my stomach drop, a newfound feeling I couldn't decipher knocking on my chest. "I've never stopped considering you mine," he admitted which made me smile.  
  
A few minutes later, he calls, "Mark?"  
  
"Yeah?" I kept my embrace on his body while he kept his arms around me.  
  
"Can you make a promise?" Donghyuck burries himself closer.  
  
What promise? I had to ask myself. Without an answer, I swallowed my confusion and immediately responded with, "For you? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Anything you want." I started stroking the patch of hair on the back of his head, inhaling the faintest scent of mint. His hair was nice.  
  
"Then promise me that whatever happens, even when the worst comes, we'll still be us," he asked.  
  
"I promise you, Donghyuck. We'll always be best friends," I say clearly. Oddly enough, I felt a sense of foreboding.  
  
"I love you, Mark," he spoke against my chest and I almost shuddered. To say I was taken aback would be an understatement. He hadn't said that since we were in elementary. We had this thing going on when we were young. We had a pact to always say how we felt for each other. It sort of became an assurance for our little selves that no matter how bad the teasing was in school, we knew we were far from being swayed by their snarky remarks.  
  
It's cringey and corny. But I still love it.  
  
"So much," he adds, and my heart beats faster at that.  
  
"I love you too, Donghyuck." With that, I hugged him tighter than I could, slightly afraid but excited of what the future holds.


	20. my best friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck and Mark. Mark and Donghyuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. You are not hallucinating, I am alive and well -- kicking and terribly, terribly sorry for not being able to update this story and not keeping you fed. But I have a valid excuse -- which, unfortunately, I'm not telling you because of anonimity's sake (wow, me being woke about privacy HAHAH). Anyway, here goes!
> 
> A quick update about me (not that you care, I'd just like to share): I've been listening to Limitless (the Jap version) non-stop. I know, it's getting real bad in here. But, in my defense, it's totally addicting to hear Jaehyun's vocals. This song in particular just takes the fing cake (for me atleast). He SNAPPED during THAT part and needless to say, I found my purpose. But, like, in general, how can someone's voice be so sexy? I personally feel attacked. Like, QUIT BEING RUDE JAEHYUN. Oh my poor heart. I can't explain it quite well, but in the closest way possible I'd say that it's like Jaehyun's choking my ears with that thick voice of his. It's very -- how do I say this -- NSFW-ey. Y'know what I mean? ,,, yeah, me too. I'm blabbering and it doesn't make any sense. Well, okay, off you go! Just wanted to share, have a little chitchat. <3

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
After our cuddling session, Mark was quick to whip out food for the both of us, saying that we should have a day out to catch up and dissipate the established tension between us, the idea which I responded with a huge smile.  
  
During breakfast, he had been nothing short of attentive, constantly fretting about how little I ate and offering me more than my current state could even process. But I didn't mind though. I liked it that he cared for me. I loved it that he was my best friend again despite everything.  
  
Even after eating, Mark did everything for me; he fixed the mess on our table and washed the dishes. He even prepared my bath. It had almost made me extremely guilty that he had been the only one functioning. I saw how tired he looked, how out of sleep he seemed with the slightly droopy eyes he had sported, but with my current state, I just wanted to lie in bed and do nothing. Bad, I know. The least I could do was not make any retorts when he basically pushed me to the bath and made me clean myself. I also didn't complain in the slightest when he had prepared my clothes for when we go out. Instead, I dressed myself and waited in bed, lying, while Mark took his time in the bathroom.  
  
Sleep eventually overtook me. Probably because of the whole one-eighty degrees I did on my routine, I still had no energy left after all the sleeping I did the night, or day, prior. The last thing I saw before my eyes closed was the white walls of our room, blinding for it shined against the sun rays that touched.  
  
There was a light brusing across my cheeks like soft, fluffy feathers running along the expanse of my skin. I had stilled for a moment, unable to process the cold touch, but recovered very quickly. I was sleeping just then. Had Mark finished bathing?  
  
"Duckie, wake up, you baby," he had said, my eyes fluttering open in a liesurely pace, adjusting to the brightness that was strong against my sleep-deprived self. They momentarily scanned the area before landing at Mark that had his one knee dipped on the side of the mattress while towering over me, body crouched and his face in near proximity.  
  
I had to hold my breath when I saw his body only covered by a measly towel he carelessly draped around his waist. It was a normal thing for him to do, yes, and I've seen him walk around the house like so but with how my mind was precieving him to be the epitome of perfect, all I was able to do was gawk at him.  
  
"Hyuck," he called, his seagull-like eyebrows slightly close to each other, and I almost shuddered at how my name rolled so fuildly from his pretty little mouth. I was about to reply when his hand found its way on my waist, rubbing little circles which sent my senses into overdrive.  
  
Not a heartbeat later, he leaned in, lips pressing perfectly against mine. I gasped at the sensations that had flooded me as he titled his head slightly, swiping his tongue across the slit of my lips that had still been closed until then. He began exploring, deeper into my wet cavern, and I let him, completely overtaken by bliss.  
  
"Hyuck! Are you okay," Mark from the reality asks, effectively retracting me from my sinful reverie, while he had his hand softly patting my cheek. I mustered a groan, hoping it sounded annoyed enough. "Yeah, I am. Still sleep though," I said and he shrugged before proceeding to walk away from me. I hesistantly shook off the familiar feeling of guilt creeping up my chest.  
  
I follow him, observing as he walked towards our closet, opened it, and slipping on a thin, cream colored, patterned polo. He must've planned on going all out on our outfits today. That figures why he chose a floral peach polo made of the same material, matched with faded jeans, for me. Just what did he have in plan?  
  
"Mark," I abruptly screamed out, my head getting light in the process. He angled his head in the process, looking at me questioningly while his hands gripped the sides of the towel. "What," he asked and I gulped, fervently nodding my head a no.  
  
"Nothing, nothing! I said: I'll be waiting for you downstairs. Ok, bye." I basically bolted off towards the door and left without waiting for his reply. When I was out, I breathed deeply. That was close -- so close. If I were to see even the slightest skin of his butt cheeks, I'm _pretty sure_ would faint.   
  
With a slight tingle in my nape, I shook the thought off and went down. I decided to slip on my generic white shoes before plopping down the couch to wait further.  
  
A minute later, Mark came out of the room looking partly completed, a black ripped jeans now on his lower extremities instead of that wrongful towel he had on earlier. "You ready," he asked excitedly, walking down the stairs and going over our shoe rack.  
  
"Yeah, I am. Can you please hurry up, slowpoke," I said with the best playful smile I could muster. He chose his black slip-ons to complete the look. "Here, I'm done. Impatient aren't we," he replied while putting the shoes on.  
  
I regarded that with a small 'hmm' to which he returned in response. And sooner than a snail could slide one centimeter away, we were out the door, smiling to ourselves.  
  
"Are you ready for the best day of your life?" He cocked a brow, a meaningful smile on his lips as he looked into me. I feel my face getting hot, and so with the only thing I was capable of doing, I rolled my eyes and laughed. I sure was.  
  
•×•  
  
"Let's go eat," Mark asked, eyes not on me but on the pastel blue sky that spanned wide, clouds cotton balls free flowing across the expanse. I angled my body to observe him better. "Let's eat later. For now, let's rest a little bit," I said to prolong our time together and he nodded.  
  
Mark had his elbows anchored on the topmost area of the park bench we sat at. Isn't it uncomfortable for his arms to be put in that position? It could be, but he looked so cool in it, though. It was almost like a scene from those dramas where the bad boy is waiting for the love interest for their first date.  
  
Can this be considered as a date? A special one?  
  
The impossible thought was enough to make me feel flustered, heat rushing to my face as flutters made their way to my stomach. It's unbelievable how Mark could have such effect on me.  
  
"You okay," he asked, taking me out of my trance, his hand holding mine that I had been unconsciously clutching to my knees. I nodded in return, speaking out, "I just changed my mind. Let's go eat!"  
  
I grabbed a hold of his hand and stood, pulling him towards the unprecedented place where we would be eating at. I seriously didn't know where my feet were going to take me, all I had in mind was to get away from that awkwardness I put myself in.  
  
"Are you sure you know where we're going? It feels awfully as if we're lost," Mark teased as we walked through countless of stores, none of which was for dining. I bit my lower lip, trying to supress showing how flustered the comment made me.  
  
"Of course I do! I was the one who dragged you, right?" I tried to salvage my dignity but a chuckle escaped Mark instead of an approving 'hmm' that I had initially expected. Not a second later, he was by my side, smiling like an idiot.  
  
"Do you really?" He chuckles cutely again, his nose lighty crinkling as he bumped his arm on mine weakly. "I know. How about you hand me the duty of picking where to eat? We can eat faster," he said, intertwining our held hands, his fingers slipping in to mine, his rougher palm rubbing onto mine as fingers fit perfectly like correct puzzle pieces. All I could do was stare -- everything about this felt so natural and flowy, like it wss meant to be. And as he dragged me, I constantly had to fight the heat that had crawled up my neck to my face.  
  
We reached a restaurant quickly after and I scrunched my face at the familiarity of what was there. Had we been there before? I looked to Mark and he smiled a sweet one, gums almost peeking through his tugged lips. I unknowlingly smiled in return, my hand clasping his more comfortably. With a gentle tug from him, he beckoned me to follow inside.  
  
Reaching the interior, I couldn't help but slightly tighten my grip on his hand, a small, sick feeling settling deep in my stomach. "Mark," I whispered, almost inaudible, getting uncomfortable with the glances thrown at us by some of the older customers.  
  
"Do you see that, hon," a man said to, assumably, his wife. There was a solemn look in his face and something else I couldn't discern but it sure did make me feel exposed. His wife only looked at us a split second before reprimanding him. Was I being too obvious that I was enjoying Mark's skin on mine? Was I disgusting in their eyes?  
  
I had felt so vulnerable under the scrutinizing gazes then but chose to breathe deeply, sequentially slipping my hand away from his. He seemed to have noticed my efforts as his went after mine and clasped them again, tighter this time, like he wasn't going to let me go at any moment. "Don't mind them," he said, authority lacing his sweet voice and I nodded in affirmative.  
  
Quickly, he guided us to a little nook-like area that had relatively more privacy. It was a little deeper into the establishment, on the more dimmed corners only made seen by the warm light from up the ceiling. Soon, we found ourselves seated comfortably on the leather sofa, the surface a bit firm but stil comfortable to the rear.  
  
"Here you go, Sirs." A female staff had came to us, bringing with her pamphlets and laying it on the table and bowing. "Call me when you need me, Sir," she said, eyeing our hands before leaving.  
  
Heat rose to my face, it was for sure I was blushing madly. What had she thought when she saw them? Was she going to judge me too?  
  
I stayed quiet the whole time Day thought of what we could eat, as well as when he placed in our orders. I couldn't find the right words to say. It feels as if I'm walking on eggshells and I'm beginning to break down. I don't understand.  
  
"Hey." He nudged me, carefully, gently as if even moving me a bit would cause me to break. "You okay?" He looks at me wearily, his thumb running softly over the shaft of mine and I breathed out, a little too exasperated if I may. "Not really." I decided to be honest. Being under their stares felt like high school all over again, and it wasn't all that good.  
  
"We've done this Donghyuck and made it out. We can't go back to that phase again." He slightly leans forward, eyes bearing on mine. There was something indescribable in there, too deep and meaningful for me to fathom. The way determination mixed with a little something else swirled in the shape of his eyes, I easily nodded albeit hesitant.  
  
"They don't matter," he said, confidence in his voice. I bit my lip. How badly I wanted to believe him -- how badly my heart desired to clutch on those words so desperately. But they mattered, they did and had always mattered. But most of all, _Mark mattered more._  
  
"I love you, Mark," I said instead, letting it all flow. He probably wouldn't have a second thought about it. It pressumably would just be that -a simple, friendly 'I love you's. After all it was only me having other conflicting feelings.  
  
A small smile graced his lips, his eyes tugging upwards. "I love you too," he says so, _so fondly_ , and how I wish that was true.


	21. departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck's going away!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. An update and all that jazz! I've been feeling pretty inspired lately so I'm pumping out words like a PRO. (Anyway that's what I think, IDEK.)
> 
> Anyway, IMPORTANT QUESTION: would it be better for me to set a schedule for updates? Just so you'd all know when you SHOULD expect updates and when you SHOULDN'T. You know? Answer me in the comments section below!

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
"You really have to go?" I shifted slightly, but my arms that were wrapped around his waist secure. He breathed softly, his back temporarily pressing further onto mine. I gladly indugled myself in his homey warmth, burying my face onto the crook of his neck.  
  
I feel him nod, his hand that laid comfortably on top of mine slightly gripping. "I was chosen to go, though? Why wouldn't I," he said, voice teasing yet serene along with the hushed whispers of the air conditioning. "And can you let go? You've been hugging me for almost an hour now," Donghyuck added, a little snort at the end.  
  
I chuckled then as if it was a nonsensical thing to say. "You can't because I'll miss you. And no, I've barely held you for a second during the weeks you've been missing. How dare you tell me to stop," I teased even if he was probably right. Donghyuck only did so much as punch me weakly in the arm.  
  
"Ow!" I faked, and he chuckled gently, freeing himself from my hold. Not a second later he turned to face me, eyes shining with something I couldn't discern. I shook the thought off and instead, I settled my hand on his waist, a small smile etched on my face.  
  
I was aware of how possesive, and extra clingy, I had been being basically the whole week. But in my defense, he'd been gone and I've been making up for the days that he was. "If anything, you should just let me," I thought aloud, pulling him closer. Besides, this all felt so perfect; I almost thought I could rest then and there.  
  
Donghyuck is just so warm, and the gentle fondess in his voice that I've missed so much just makes me not want to let go of him even more. _I've missed this so, so much._ I realized now just how much; how much I've longed for his warmtg when he was gone, how much I missed hearing his voice and feeling his presence so close, it's kind of scary. But I gues that's just the extent of fear I harbor for losing him.  
  
I drew circles on the small of his back, my fingertip gently scraping at the fabric of his midnight blue shirt. I feel him weakly arch, a quivery breath escaping him. "It tickles." He laughed, almost sounding like a stifled moan, burying his face onto my chest but not making any move to stop me.  
  
"I'm going to miss you," I admitted solemnly although the tension, closing my eyes and feeling how his body radiated warmth on the areas we touched. "I'm going to miss you too," he replied, unmoving.  
  
Tonight, he'd be leaving for the convention I didn't even know what for. And just the prospect of him leaving was enough to make me so all-around him. I don't know, the whole situation hit too close to home -- being he'd already done so but for a different reason. "Call me, okay," I whispered, almost feeling breathless. My heart palpitated relatively hard against my chest at the idea of losing connection when he'd go away. I was scared, I guess; scared of feeling unwanted again by my home.  
  
"I will," he answered, soft and quiet, and I nuzzled further into him. Nobody said a thing afterwards, comforting silence permeating in the air. I remember then, we'd always stay like this after I'd calm him down when he'd have nightmares, quiet and serene. But it was never uncomfortable. Instead it felt fitting for us to just lay there in comfortable silence, unsaid thoughts swimming the air.  
  
It had been a couple of minutes that had passed, and I began to think Donghyuck had succumbed to sleep's embrace, so I slightly shifted to make him comfortable. "I'm sorry." He held on to my arm gently, making it known he'd only been silent. I felt a tug on my lips, weighing it down significantly. _I don't understand._  
  
But my heart only swelled a tiny amount seeing him look at me, straight in the eyes as if he'd boomed with courage and certainty. It had me enamored; looking at him radiate confidence. "What for," I asked though I had a suspicion about the matter. _It always came down to that._  "What have you done this time," I teased, hopefully easing whatever tension he felt then.  
  
Donghyuck bit his lip slightly, his teeth gently hard against his lower lips that had taken the transition from being pinkish to a subtle red. He looked at me, appearing slightly strained and flustered, a look I found to be cute. "For leaving you; for the hang. I was just -- confused, I guess? I didn't know what to do," he said, his eyes bearing into mine. I only smiled at him fondly, once again bringing him in for a hug.  
  
After our make-up, he nor I had not once ever mentioned it again. Things went back to normal after a few days, like nothing ever happened -- no kiss, no everything. Even the three were mute about the matter, not daring to press on any further. It was just us and the daily routine, nothing out of the ordinary -- like nothing ever went out of what was ordinary.  
  
During lunches, the bickers returned full force but each person's effort of avoiding the topic was prominent. I didn't mind though, I was just thankful they were being considerate about it. But that didn't mean I didn't want to delve into the matter; after all, there was this bugging feeling that kept tugging on my mind.  
  
It's been a puzzle for me, thinking about why he felt so confused about the matter. And sure, it could've been easily pegged as some trivial fear but I can't shake away the thought that something deeper was bothering him. I've been with him for the longest of time and I know when he gets overly agitated, it isn't for a shallow reason. He had been that over the past weeks; the budding feeling of curiosity in me wasn't all that surprising in retrospect. But I tried to bury it deep underground for the fear of making things awkward again.  
  
"Why," I decided to press on, but voice small -- almost a whisper, feeling the strong urge to gain insight. I watched his eyes become glossy, a sheen of white making his orbs look polished and lovelier. His lips pressed onto a thin line before he uttered, "Just because." He closes his eyes gently and heaved a breath.  
  
His fingers wrapped his fingers around mine, tugging then ever so slightly into a warm, gentle one-sided jostle. My heart beat a little faster as he brought it up between our chests, firming a grip. "I -- I can't tell you, yet," he said, and my heartbeat skids a little.  
  
_Why?_ How is it in so deep he couldn't possibly utter a word of it? Why not now?  
  
"Okay. Take your time." Nevertheless, I wanted to give him the choice. Guess I'll have to wait then.  
  
•×•  
  
"Call me, okay? When you arrive, when you've checked-in, when y --,"  
  
"Okay, okay. I won't forget to call you." A smile stretched on his face, bright and blinding like the sun yet shy and reserved like a coquettish gesture. "You're such a dad." He smiles brighter, making face as if stifling a laugh.  
  
"Ha-ha, funny," I said back, an equally sarcastic remark, but ruffled his hair either way. It was a quick bit before I pulled him in for a hug. "I'm not a dad. No matter how much I trust you to handle yourself, I just want to know safe," I admitted in a whisper, close to his ear, heat rising to my ears as the words left my mouth. He shifted silently before enveloping me with his arms, his chin set comfortably on my shoulders.  
  
"I love you," was a whisper I could barely catch before he tightened his grip and let go just as fast. My heart welled with so much emotions at that. "I'll be safe, I promise. You should, too," he said, finally audible for me to discern. And albeit the pull of curiosity, I chose to let it go and beam at him.  
  
"I will. See you in a week, then," I asked and he nodded, turning away to look at our other friends.  
  
"Can I talk to you guys? For a while," he asked. Renjun, who I assume was watching us intently based on his semi-scrunched eyes, nodded absentmindedly, pulling Jaemin and Jeno on a corner. Donghyuck breifly looked at me with a smile before following.  
  
I knew not to follow; it was probably best for me not to intrude. So I observed them exchange a hushed conversation. I badly wanted to know what it was but it was clear Donghyuck wanted to talk privately. It didn't feel too serious though, Jaemin was smiling his dumb smile while seemingly teasing Donghyuck who sported reddened ears.  
  
A few minutes later, they came back, knowing glances shared between as if threatening to spill some kind of secret. And as much as I wanted to respect privacy, I was basically itching to pry off information but held it in. No matter how I convinced myself that it wasn't something I should concern about, my impulsive ass had another opinion.  
  
Donghyuck briefly looked at a group of people nonchalantly talking about on one corner; it was them who he was going with. "Okay guys? I'll go now," he said, eyes still fixed on the group. He waved his hand and I shifted to look at who he did it for. I scoffed at the guy who also was waving a hand, then pulling of a thumb's up as if asking 'are you okay'? Donghyuck gave a single nod while shifting slightly from my peripheral. "Who even is that?"  
  
I didn't mean for the venom in my words but the guy's face alone irated me for reasons I can't quite decipher. When did _my_ Duckie get fidgety like that for other people, huh?  
  
"That's Hendery," Donghyuck said, eyeing me rather oddly, a slight questioning tone in his voice, and I realized I thought of it aloud. "Why'd you ask," he followed.  
  
"Uhhh -- because I wanted to know who you were going with," was my subpar explanation that Donghyuck, thankfully, nodded away nonchalantly.  
  
A wide smile graced his lips as mirth danced on his dark orbs, wry chuckle escaping his lips. "Agh. I'm going to miss you," his airy statement as he hugged me again, and if it wasn't just a figment of my imagination, it seemed like the wetness I felt near the crook of my neck.  
  
I smiled against his shoulder blade and returned his affection. "I'm going to miss you too," I said and bid him farewell. "Take care." He only nods gently.  
  
Donghyuck left with a smile on his face, and I did too.  
  
"Something's seriously different. I just can't precisely point out what," Renjun said as we boarded inside Jeno's car, a gauging expression on his face. He had his eyes suspiciously trained on me, squinting as if assessing the situation.  
  
I feel my forehead crease. "What's that something," I asked, my heart starting to beat faster.  
  
There was a flicker in his eyes, going away as fast as it had appeared. "Nothing." He shook the coversation off before the engine revved.


	22. dealing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark without Donghyuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since i don't know how standard times work, let's just say that I'll be updating every week during this day. The time will vary but it's more or less(?) (confusing explanation by me but okay HAHAHAH).

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
Everything felt awfully still without Donghyuck, like a deteriorating photograph from the past, yellows on the sides while circular splotches scattered across the paper surface. It's rather dull and I was beginning to hate it -- the worst part being it still was the fifth day after he went away.  
  
"Dude, it's been -- like -- maybe your fifteenth sigh this day. I'm not counting, okay. Are you seriously good?" I turned to Jaemim who made the snarky comment, his gaze somewhat telling me something but I couldn't understand what it was. Nevertheless, I apologized, feeling rather pathetic for being so, _so_ whiny.  
  
"Sorry," I said simply. His absence was bogging me down, that was for sure -- maybe too much to the point I even looked it. It hasn't been that long but the desparation for him I felt already reached such an extent. "It's just that -- nevermind," I tried to reason out but, sure enough, failed, deeming it wasn't something for Jaemin to hear so blatantly.  
  
Jaemin stared at me somewhat increduously, a sublte arch in his two brows that had stuck relatively close to each other. He gave a sigh after what seemed to be a second. "I know, Mark," he began but trailed off quickly, a tentative gaze. "I know you miss him." He turned away, gingerly flipping the pages of his notebook that had been unattended on his chair. "And if it's any consolation, I know he misses you too, very much," Jaemin added with a small smile gracing his lips.  
  
I couldn't help the groan that escaped me at that. "But I extra missed him today Jaem," I whined to him, feeling rather childish. Because I really do miss Donghyuck a whole lot more today being he couldn't call me earlier this morning. Only a message stating they needed to go arrived, and I was pretty disappointed. So, my strong feelings are greatly justifiable.  
  
It's inexplicable but, after everything that's happened, I'm finding myself to be very clingy now. If I was clingy before, now it's reached levels I couldn't even comprehend, myself. Now, missing his presence, face, body, voice, and everything that he is is more of a constant experience rather than an occasional one. I don't really get it, myself, but I figure it's because he's been gone, and is now gone again. I'm very much attached to his hips, so that's no wonder why I'm feeling about the situation extremely.  
  
And while, yes, Donghyuck not being at home has it's pros and cons, the latter greatly outweighs the former. It's surely quiet and no one's there to bother me when I'd work on things. But _that's_ the _problem._ I miss his sweet honey voice cradling the air so gently, his boisterous laughter echoing around the walls whenever he's amused, his smiles that our light bulbs couldn't beat the shine and essence of, his constant bickering with me, and his personality of all I miss so much. It's a much unappreciated dilemma, really. Why I wish he'd come back sooner.  
  
But, overall, it's fine. I'm getting along 'okay' with the temporary scenario; Donghyuck's been messaging every now and then and we've been video calling during the mornings and night. It's been really helpful with keeping my unfathomable feelings at bay. But albeit that, the incessant tugging at my heart hasn't stopped all that much; it's still there, undisturbed by the progression of events. I don't even know what such feeling is. _It's very confusing._  
  
And if it's anything good (which it's not), I've been, for the most part, bummed about not having Donghyuck by my side. I know, talk about being clingy. Some nights it's all good; it doesn't really happen that I get severely sad most of the time, but there are much worse days. During good ones: I'd eat, call Donghyuck while laying in bed, then either he falls asleep first or I do, and that's that. It's pretty nice actually, just closing my eyes to hear more clearly his voice and being lulled to sleep when he starts singing in that fond way of his. Those were nights when I'd sleep so peacefully and wake up feeling refreshed and energized, ready for another day of waiting.  
  
But, there are just some nights when I'd feel remarkably worse. The emotions especially become more prevalent when he's the one to fall asleep before me. Those were nights when I'd be left to myself, strangely feeling bare to the world. Seeing him slowly doze off from the screen, his eyes drooping significantly more, his lips puckering slightly, and cute strangled noises coming off from the speaker just makes me really, _really_ long for him.  
  
Those were nights when I'd (seriously) want to cry myself to sleep, reminiscing about everything about us while my gut twisted painfully at the absence of his warmth that's supposed to be next to mine during the night. Those were nights when I'd opt to imagine Donghyuck being at his side of the bed, sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake him. It's pathetic, really. And I kind of pity myself for feeling so. But, then again, it's my best friend. That fact alone _validates_ every atomic, chemical bit of the sensations that run rampant in my body.  
  
It sounds pretty dramatic, over the top even. But I guess I could partly credit it to our recent rift in the friendship, the other being our overall relationship. I've barely spent enough time with him before he needed go go away for this convention he's in. I'm not complaining but _can the world just give me my best friend back?_ It oddly feels as if he's in the process of being taken away from me. And I know that's not the case, but my rationality keeps getting thrown out the window -- that much I could tell and ponder upon. It was painfully obvious when one time, Donghyuck decided to come and talk to me with _that_ Hendery guy _f/cking cuddling him and latching on his body like a bloody parasite._ Oh, the want to rip that guy's face was overwhelming.  
  
I was d/mn pissed as f/ck. To say I was seething would be an understatement, I was beyond that; another plane of anger and rage I felt, really. Because, _how dare he simply cling to Donghyuck like that?_ It'd been unbelievable, and I really did have a hard time smiling at (and even facing as a matter of fact) Donghyuck. All I wanted to do was shout at Hendery and berate him for goodness knows why. But, I can't do that, can I?  
  
I bawled a whole lot that night, the thoughts of him finding a replacement of me when he'd said we'll be the best of friends forever and made me promise the same plaguing my mind like a sufficient trigger. My heart ached, as much as I didn't want to admit, at the prospect of losing him to someone else. I even got so theatrical as to ponder where I lacked as a friend. (Really.)  
  
Although, I quickly got over that scenario, given Donghyuck clarified the situation the day next when he called. "Hey, Markie, sorry about last night. Hen got really homesick so we cuddled to, you know, ease the pain," I remember Donghyuck say, a bashful smile on his lips when he added, "And besides, I miss cuddling with you too."  
  
Needless to say, I forgave him all too easily as if I hadn't just cried out my eyes the night prior, my mood shifting back to full force. And if I got angry about that guy, Hendery, getting a _d/mned nickname,_ then I just didn't mind it at all. I'm just happy enough to know I wasn't replaced all to suddenly and that he's sticking with me.  
  
I retreated back to reality's touch when I felt a tugging on my arm, my eyes focusing again on Jaemin who looked at me slightly wearily. "He's going to be back before you know it, Mark," he uttered with a smile, and I smiled back. I hope this time, Jaemin's words do come true.  
  
•×•  
  
"You're not going to come with us? Barbeque sounds really good right now," Jeno said with that 'are you really sure' look of his, complete with cresent eyes and puckered lips. I chuckled a bit before shaking my head for a 'no'. The other scrunched his face and made a little dismissing wave while he said, "Well, you're no fun." Renjun looks at him with raised brow, seeming to say: _Really?_ And I laughed at the inside joke.  
  
"What does that mean, huh, Junnie?" Jeno raised a brow to counter Renjun's icredulous stare, but the latter only casually rolled his eyes and said, "You know what I mean, Jeno," before he turned to look at me.  
  
"You sure you don't want to come," Renjun asked, his eyes lingering with a look as if he were assessing something. He had this nonchalant expression on his face but it was obvious that he was gauging me out, for only what I could assume was to check if I was okay. If I were to bet, Jaemin told him about my apparent _sighing fit._ I also bet that's why said person's not here.  
  
So, to assure him once and for all, I heaved a breath. "I'm really okay, Renjun. I just miss him is all, if you're wondering. And I bet you are," I convinced, a tone of finality in my voice as looked at Renjun, determined. He only released a sigh and nodded, muttering an, "Okay, see you soon. Don't get too melodramatic," under his breath.  
  
They wave their goodbyes and I did the same, waiting patiently in my spot until they were far enough to start moving. I smiled a little one, happy that they were concerned enough to check on in. But I really was just not it the right headspace, pretty distracted by something I couldn't put my finger on. There's just that pull in my chest I don't have the knowledge to understand what for, thus why the deep pondering.  
  
"Home it is, then," I muttered under my breath, turning to the opposite direction where our apartment was. The idea of home sounded really good; to come back to the ambience that carried warmth and gentleness, of bright smiles and fond touches. _Donghyuck's going to be back before I know it.  
_  
I observe the surroundings silently as I made my way through street vendors and students alike. It was hustling and bustling, the smell of the different treats being sold tickling my nose. And I wondered if Donghyuck had missed this too, the joy of jumping from stall to stall and buying and eating together.  
  
We used to tour out a lot when our schedules weren't as tight as they are now. I smiled upon remembering the little bicker we had about the amount of money we consumed with eating. He'd been so pissed because he'd used up half of his allowance for one huge binge-eating episode. I remember the redness of that had taken over his face due to his apparent anger. But _truth be told,_ he just looked like a pudu deer, which isn't all that scary, really. Just _cute._  
  
Then, somewhere along the way, in the hustle and bustle of college life, we became burried six feet under the huge pile of books, papers, and expectations and just stopped eating out after classes. Why I'm greatly thankful we're rooming together, or it would actually be hell trying to find time to hang with each other.  
  
I stopped in my tracks when a stall by the end caught my attention. There, in its full set-up glory, stood the bootg we used to frequent because Donghyuck liked their skewers so much. And without much thought, I walked over, my hand reaching into my pocket in search for money. I smiled at the vendor, taking refuge in the little protruding roof atop me. "Can I have one piece," I and the person beside me who I didn't notice the arrival of said at the same time.  
  
Grabbing the meaty piece the vendor placed inside a small paper bag, I turned to look at the person beside me. I nodded slightly with a small smile, slightly enamored by the female's beautiful features. There stood before me Yoo Juri, this year's University's Flower, from the Engineering Faculty.  
  
Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she nodded back, clutching gently in her hands the paper bag she recieved then. I was about to turn when she took a hold of my arm. "Wait, aren't you Mark Lee," she asked, something in her tone akin to wonder and cognizance in her voice, and I stared back.  
  
"Yes, I am," I replied, almost a question as well. And I wanted to puch myself for appearing so dorky in front of such beautiful person.  
  
But wait, _she knows me?_


	23. dairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's dairy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little over two hours late, but here it is!
> 
> P.S. you will LOATHE me for what I'm attempting to do. I'M SORRY.
> 
> P.P.S. HENDERY IS SUCH AN EYE CANDY. GAHHHHHH!

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
"I miss home," I said, dragging the words for as long as I can, because, yes, I am pretty much experiencing a severe case of homesickness. It can't be helped, really; a couple days in and the excitement from being in a new environment wore off faster than Goku could shout _Kame hame wave!_ It's not that the hotel amenities suck, or the people I'm with aren't all that good, or nothing's any fun and it's all just a boring convention I've attended. It's far from being so, actually.  
  
The hotel pretty much has it all: Wi-Fi, hot and cold showers, airconditioning, a TV -- I named it, the hotel has it. It's also really aesthetic as well, enough to make me go around taking pictures for all it's worth. All in all, it's what one would call a _glamorous haven._ My fellow students are very friendly, never forgetting to invite and include me in every activity they do, so I've never felt left out since day one; they let me engage actively in their dicussions and make me feel like I really belong. Finally, the convention is one of the most exciting events I've been in for years. There had been so much that I've learned and seen for only a short amount of time, it's just not enough. So, it's not about my situation but rather about the way I feel; I just _really_ miss _home._  
  
"You've been at it for quite some time now, Hyuck. Don't worry though, it's just another two days and we're back home," Hendery said, his voice a comforting buzz against the cold air that surrounded us. He shuffled closer, his palm patting my knee cap softly while he wiggled his feet childishly slightly above the floor. "I understand you though, if my plea for a cuddle is anything to go by." He snorts and I chuckled slightly, remembering how he shyly asked me to hug him a couple of days prior.  
  
"Hey, I know we're not close but -- uh -- oh mother -- can I ask for a hug," was what he had softly said randomly during one evening. We had been laying in bed for a couple of minutes after attending the nightly talks our guide Professor had organized, me on my phone about to call Mark and Hendery tucked in the covers of his bed. "I'm not weird, I promise! It's just that I -- I really miss home tonight," he had added.  
  
I'd been so shocked about his statement that I had (as extra as my reaction had been) dropped my phone on the bed while my lips parted slightly. A _guy_ of all people _,_ one that I didn't even really interact with then, _asked me_ to _basically cuddle him._ How should I _respond_ to that? But of course I did understand where he was coming from; I missed Mark's nightly cuddles as well. So, regardless of how much he caught me off guard, I still gave him what he longed for.  
  
Tonight, Hendery had invited me to have warm milk on the veranda of our shared room a little while ago because he'd been having trouble sleeping. Which is why I'm snuggled on my blanket beside him, talking deeply about missing home. It's been one of our common topics to tackle, if not our views on things in general. Plus, he's really easy to talk to -- somehow comforting in ways I couldn't explain.  
  
These days, I've been finding myself getting closer to the guy. And I guess I could credit the development of our friendship to us rooming together, but Hendery has this something in him that just had drawn me during the first time we've reallyinteracted. Back in university, we didn't really talk all that much, the first time being when he'd asked about the convention. But steadily during the trip, we'd been getting comfortable with each other. Not in _that_ way, I like Mark and that couldn't be questioned, but nevertheless mine and Hendery's relationship has been developing in some deep way.  
  
Albeit, despite all the convenience of our stay, the greatness of the event, and the new friends I've made along the days, nothing really ever seemed to stop me from feeling deeply about home. I miss everything that I've left behind for this convention, even worse now because it's been almost a week and a half. It's just _not the same._  
  
I miss the ambience of the apartment, the familiar turns and rooms that I've seen everyday for years now. I miss our bed that I've slept in countless of times. I miss my friends that I haven't spent a good amount of time with in months; friends that have been with me through the years. But most of all, I miss Mark so, _so_ much. Goodness only knows how much I miss him even with such short duration. I miss how he holds me, the warmth that permeats my body when he touches me gently like how he _always_ does even if we fight. I long for his voice, one untouched by technology, the comforting lull of his tone and way of speaking. I miss his laughs and his energy that radiates happiness, constantly being one of the reasons to why I, too, stay upbeat despite hardships.  
  
I miss our constant bickering, our exchange of mean words that didn't really mean anything. I miss the way we interacted, the natural flow of our dynamic. I miss our nights together, the secure serenity albeit the darkness. I miss our meals, our conversations and the good food he prepares. I _really miss home so much._  
  
"Hey, hey, don't feel so glum." Hendery nudges my shoulders slightly with a gentle bump, and my eyes find his that had already been directed towards me. "You have me for those two days," he added, hushed and a feel of secrecy lacing his tone, and my cheeks get slightly warmer with how he'd projected such innocent words of encouragement. He smiled a little one, the corner of his lips tugging and revealing his partially hidden dimples. "Okay Hen, sure." I sipped on my milk, shying away from his intense gaze.  
  
•×•  
  
"When are you arriving? I'm excited to see you, Duckie." Mark smiled, the apples of his cheeks protruding even more with how wide the smile is, and I could only retort with a chuckle. He raised his eyebrow, an adorable little pout gracing his features before he said, "Hey! What's that maniac chuckle all about," with the dirtiest stink eye ever.  
  
I shook my head to supress a small laugh, snuggling myself deeper in the pillows I've surrounded myself with. I liked to pretend it was Mark coddling me gently, as pathetic as that may sound; I've missed him so much, I'm doing crazy things to ease the longing. But I'm just really glad I'm going home tomorrow. "It's just that -- when did you get so cute and mushy, huh?" I didn't know why I was feeling particularly bold, but here I was, asking him questions laced with so much underlying meaning.  
  
Mark scrunches his nose, the video angle shifting from side to side as he lies down on the bed. It stays silent for a while, the slight buzzing from the vent the only sound permeating the air. He stares at me, his features relaxed and all the more handsome, and I feel myself flush at the somewhat scrutinizing gaze. "Since I've started severely missing you," he all but whispers, a small smile tearing through his lips afterwards. He looked at me, a shimmer in his eyes I found myself lost in. "I miss you so much, Hyuck."  Mark blinks, his contented sounding sigh coming off a prickly gush of audio from my speakers.  
  
My stomach sunk and the fluttering in my chest heightened to unexplored levels of extreme. I tried so hard not to squirm at how he sounded -- so, _so_ passionate, and perfect, and _real --_ so I only trapped my lip between my teeth, trying to calm my staggering heartbeat. "Okay," was the only word I had managed to spew out before raising the covers to hide my face. "You're so corny." I choked out a laugh, attempting to hide how easily affected I've become. He wouldn't even know I'm feeling this way, yet I care so much. "Anyway, we're scheduled to arrive at around four in the afternoon tomorrow," I said right after.  
  
It's scary how much I like Mark, that much I've fully realized with my being away. It's been a lingering thought, even when my mind had been in it's most frantic state, chewing away on my brain in the most excruciating way possible. It's scary how much I treasure him, how much I'm afraid to lose him -- how he'll never know the truest emotions I hold for him because of _my_ fears.  
  
Deep within the breaking of dawn, when I'd awake from my slumber hours before we needed to even be up for preparations, it has been a constant for me to think of the million what ifs I've conjured within the comfort of my bed. What if I could tell Mark? What if he wasn't my best friend I was afraid to lose? What if _he liked me back?_ Thoughts kept running, kept appearing like rotten pimples that just _hurt_ to look at. But I couldn't stop them, the feelings of wonder all too strong to fight off.  
  
"Will they be there too?" I choose to press on such train of conversation, not wanting to be too far gone with the wild beating in my chest. Mark's smile widened, his head coming to a nod before he spoke. "Yep, Jaemin proposed for us to hang out tomorrow. You know, celebrate your return and finally have a gathering for once?" His chest visibly shakes weakly at the small fit of laughs that escaped him, his eyes turning even smaller, unbearably cute for me who likes him.  
  
"That would be nice." My voice trails off, progressively getting quieter just as how my heart also began to. I only stared, letting the silence swallow my thoughts in the pit of no return. How nice would it be to shower Mark with love without anything holding me back -- how nice would it be to freely display my very intimate affection without the fear of losing him, of losing and ruining the friendship we've built and kept strong all these years. How amazing it would be for him to love me back like I to him.  
  
Being far from Mark, and looking back at how we act as people -- as friends --, it's always been very intimate on a scale uncharted by other individuals who shared the same status or relationship. It's always been very complex, even to its essence as a systematic routine, and I couldn't help but wonder that if, by any minute chance, if I break the shackles that bind me to my place, would eveything turn out well? Would he understand me and my reasons? Would Mark still love me the same?  
  
_I don't think so._  
  
"Hey, you still awake? You're lagging," Mark asked jokingly, but a hint of some concern in his face filtering through his bright demeanor. "You must be tired, huh?" He cards his fingers through his hair and releases a little huff I didn't know what for, and I only managed a straight, little, forced smile, not knowing how to answer his inquiries.  
  
"I guess I am," I said, nearing a mumble, when he titled his head as if really waiting for a response. It wasn't a complete lie though, I did exert a lot of myself today, actively participating in every activity we had, but I'm not tired to the extent I'm sure Mark had internalized.  
  
Mark traps his bottom lip between his teeth and chews on it weakly. "Honestly, I really wanted to talk to you more tonight because I missed you so much, but I guess it could wait tomorrow." He sheepishly brings up a hand to rub gently on his neck, and my face easily heats up at his mention of missing me. _Atleast he cares for me to this extent._  
  
"We'll talk plently tomorrow, Mark." I chuckled a bit, the image of him pouting with his head tilted severely clear at the back of my mind. Mark nods at my words, the hand on his neck detaching to wave at me. "Goodnight Duckie; sleep tight. Text me tomorrow, 'kay? Love you," he says, my heart fluttering with butterflies once more when his subtle 'love you' registers in my head.  
  
He's been saying it a lot lately, ever since we mended our damaged friendship. And it's not that I'm complaining, it's just that it's getting really harder to keep my feelings for him -- my longing, and wanting -- at bay when he always says those heart-shaking words like he means them in a deeper level than mere best friendship could afford. It makes me feel so treasured and loved so high up above that it's becoming more of a challenge to not spill my feelings all over the metaphorical table he's laid across us. Albeit the emotional challenge, I wouldn't trade hearing him say those words to me for anything offered; I'll never _not_ want him to continue with being verbal, however I suffer inside with my unrequited feelings.  
  
"Good night, and I love you too, Mark." I return his wave and cut off the video feedback, holding the phone close to my rattling chest afterwards. _I love you Mark, just that you don't know the intensity of._  
  
That night, I slept in peace, soft whispers of surreal 'I love you's and imagined scenarios of sweet fantasies ringing in my head throughout the duration of my slumber.


	24. this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark and the gang wait for Donghyuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update again after a week of waiting! I hope you didn't get too bummed out though! Tell me your thoughts!

Mark's P.O.V.  
  
"Dude, chill. You've been bouncing for half an hour now? Don't you get tired?" I averted my focus to Jaemin who spoke up, momentarily stopping from my (admittedly) over-active, quite annoying place-jumping. My nose slightly flares while I press my lips to a line, trying to subside the bubbles of laughter rising up my throat. Jaemin's raised eyebrow looks as if it could touch the skies with how unashamedly high up it was, as if he was _really, honestly_ judging me for being _excited_ with Donghyuck's arrival.  
  
"Can't a man be excited to see someone special," I said jokingly, not really heeding with the way I structured and used the words, but to a certain exent it is true; Donghyuck _is_ special to me. And I guess it did have enough elements to be taken the wrong way, if Renjun's mirroring raised brow and Jeno's curious expression were things to go by. So, to save myself from a misunderstanding's teasing, I said, "Look, I haven't seen Donghyuck for well over two weeks. Plus, he's my best friend. If it were any of you guys in the same position, I would have jumped the same."  
  
"Really, though, Markie? I think you won't," Renjun bites back with a painfully obvious teasing tone in his high-pitched singson, a knowing look swirling in his eyes telling something I could somewhat catch on to but somewhat can't at the same time. But of course, yes, I _won't_  be jumping as excitedly for them, maybe a little, but I'm sure just not to the same level of how it could get for Donghyuck.  
  
Feeling a little guilty about the little sugar coated words of consolation I spewed out, I only smiled sheepishly, shaking my head in an attempt to dispel the tension building up inside me. "Yeah, no," I mocked, and Renjun chuckles while rolling his eyes, mouth parting to mutter an almost inaudible, "Such an ass."  
  
"Hey, Jaem. You have any plans where we go after?" Jeno peers from his phone, I assume getting sick from repeatedly playing his new addiction: Smartphone Epics; he just wouldn't shut up about it. A moment later, he thumbs the lock button along the side of the device and slips it into his pocket, his eyes never leaving Jaemin's form in pursuit of an answer. Meanwhile, the other only gives him a questioning look, appearing to not have any clue what Jeno just asked about. "What do you mean?" Jaemin squints his eyes as if he was really thinking about it.  
  
Renjun, who had been idly observing the blossoming exchange, scoffs and snorts a laugh while rolling his eyes heavenwards. "You dumbo, he was talking about you're plan. Squad get together, ring a bell? I swear, you can be such an airhead," sassily he says, hands securely on his waist as if nobody's business. The pout on Jaemin's lips dramatically exaggerates when Jeno mouths a, "Ouch; sick burn Jun," hissing-burning noise tagging at the very end.  
  
I could only laugh at the banter unfolding right before my eyes, and because I'm such an _amazing_ friend, I decided to fuel the fire. "Agreed." Since Jaemin's really this _theatrical_ person, oftentimes, it's funny to get a rise out of him; he just responds in the most dramatic ways possible, even at the smallest things.  
  
I held my laugh as Jaemin clasps a hand to his mouth, vehemently shaking his head sideways as if he couldn't do so tomorrow morning, as if the world was ending. He all the more gets dramatic when he sinks down to the ground, doing his poor, overblown rendition of a mental breakdown. "Is what we have even friendship," Jaemin huffs when none of us three made any move to raise him up. He jumps up and sneers at us accusingly. "You meanies! Of course I have planned it out! Just that I didn't get what you mean, okay? Goodness Renjun, no need to attack me," was his lamentation that the mentioned male only shrugged off with a dismissive, "Yeah, yeah."  
  
I cleared my throat, effectively getting their attention. "So, where's it?" Jaemin had taken it to himself to do the planning, as he had explained when he asked us if we wanted to have a small get together when Donghyuck arrives back home. And of couse, as much as I want to have Donghyuck for myself for a nice couple of days without getting bothered by some ~~unpleasant (for me) and uneeded~~  outside forces (read: our other friends), I wouldn't deny Donghyuck the time to spend with them since we've barely hung out for quite some time now. I'm pretty sure Donghyuck would love to have a once-in-a-blue-moon gathering. So, begrudingly, I had agreed with a fake-ass smile plastered on my face.  
  
Jaemin puts his index finger right below the corner of his lips, tapping away as if some sort of indicator he was thinking. He only juts out his bottom lip before saying, "Well, I was thinking of going to that newly opened bar? I've heard it was lit AF. Soojun and his friends were talking about it the other day, if you were wondering." My brow ultimately rises despite how much effort I put in trying to keep it in it's non-condescending form-position, the horrible memories from the last time I went to such place slowly appearing like pesky advertisments on a Youtube video.  
  
"We weren't, though. Oops. Anyway, I was thinking of maybe going to a nice restaurant or something, but what was I expecting, honestly," states Renjun, his voice playful, and eyes dancing with something dark akin to his equally dark, mean humor. "Atleast it isn't on some graveyard or something," he even adds, earning a hearty laugh from Jeno.  
  
Although, albeit the joke, I couldn't find it in myself to laugh the same, given the concerns that broke like a huge dam right after the mention of the word 'bar'. It's not so much of a question of if I wanted to go, it was leaning more to be a concern of how much I didn't want to go. Well, my past _bar experience_ hasn't been all that pleasant (unsurprisingly). I've been sad and drunk, and everything just went downhill from there. I don't want to think about it but I really couldn't help the churning in my stomach as my mind drifted off to the events that occured after. "I don't even want to think about going to a bar Jaem," I all but grumble under my breath.  
  
I really didn't, because somehow -- just _somehow --_ there's this undisturbed feeling of ominousness settling deep within the crevices of my mind. It's akin to a foreboding, maybe, I just couldn't point why I feel such emotion. All I know is I didn't want to go to a _freaking_ bar.  
  
Jaemin pouts, his arms coming to flail about and settling on a side of mine and Renjun's shoulder. He gave a slight yet very demanding shake. "Oh come on guys, it would be fun! Everything would be better this time around! I really want to go there badly!" He even did his best to keep his pout intact while speaking, frankly which made him look like that Pokèmon, Jinx. I only shook him off, pretty much a _you know you're really annoying, right_ look on my face.  
  
I zone in to Renjun closing his eyes and taking a much needed deep breath from Jaemin's much unwanted tactic of coercion. "I'm this close to maiming you, Na Jaemin. Don't make me unleash the demon inside me." By then, Renjun's eyes has been continuously twitching with unfiltered evil. The expression on the smaller's face was even enough for Jaemin to stay still and clasp his hands in a silent prayer.  
  
And Jeno, _sweet, kind Jeno,_ patted Jaemin's shoulder before turning to us with the most convincing look on his face before saying, "I think it's okay, though. We could try it out, maybe? I'm sure Donghyuck wouldn't mind granting you this one. After all, all you ever do is miss out on our circle activities." He shrugs and smiles, and Renjun sighs rather forcefully, almost as if admitting defeat. The words that come out of his lips after were only the confirmation Jaemin had been waiting for. "I guess."  
  
Jaemin, try as he not to appear the embodiment of pure over-the-top-ness, gasps as if he'd discovered the cure for all diseases. I'd almost imagined hearing a weak _Eureka!_ fron his direction. "I'll pretend I didn't just hear you subtly roast me Jeno and instead focus on your kindness. You seriously are the best!" He takes hold of Jeno's now crossed arms and hug him so tightly, a big smile on his lips. And if I didn't know any better, I'd think the Grinch had finally experienced a happy Christmas.  
  
"I know," Jeno says smugly, clearly not paying heed to the irritared expression on Renjun's face. It was very prevalent how much the latter despised the scenario he was in. I just pray Jeno isn't in any deeper trouble than I could discern. After all, it's Renjun (the root of all evil) we're talking about. "Anyway, when should Donghyuck arrive again?" Renjun turns to me, eyeing his watch.  
  
"Approximately four, he said, as well as texted this morning." I eye my watch as well, analyzing where the the long and short hand pointed. "They're closing in then. It's already three fifty-seven," Renjun points out, the corner of his lips tugging upwards for a small smile, and I nod with the same expression on my face as well. _He's arriving!_  
  
"Let's go!" The smile on my face widened as I beckoned them to a space much closer and obvious for Donghyuck to see us when he would saunter out of the arrival-proper area. I sure felt jumpy -- a whole lot of happy, really -- and I'm pretty sure I acted like a kid going to the candy store for the first time, but I don't care! Donghyuck is arriving a short while later and I'm as stoked as I can be.  
  
"Well, there he goes again," was Renjun's tiny retort that I almost didn't get, being the 'again' the only word I had clearly heard but I didn't mind; it was probably one of those snide remarks he'd pull out the **Drawer of Sass** which I'm sure he has inside his brain. I only walked further away, briefly motioning for them to follow me quickly. Once I deemed the space palatable -- not too crowded, not too hidden, just perfectly fine -- I checked again on my wrist watch to discern the time as three fifty-nine.  
  
I placed a hand on my chest, a soft fluttery sensation circling along my ribcages slowly going down to my stomach. It was as a sinking feeling, accompanied by heat waves that radiated all throughout my body, and I felt extremely elated. I guess I'm just too excited to say Donghyuck after being away for too long, far too exhilarated to keep him in close proximity after days of miled separation. _Gaah! I miss him so much!_ I could practically feel myself bouncing up and down with the heels of my feet, but it was a very underwhelming sensation compared to the ones inside of me.  
  
"Slow down, Mark. You're not going to see him with all that jumping you're doing." I look over to my right where Jeno had situated himself and manages and eyeroll despite my state of being in joy. However, I do stop jumping around and settle for a more subdued action to show my over-the-top excitement: lightly swaying forth and back while my eyes dart around to observe the exit and entry points.  
  
Only a couple of minutes later, the area rings with a tiny static noise, the classic descending beeps signalling a personnel was going to announce something. A woman comes on speakers, her voice crisp and clear. "Passengers of flight xxx, welcome to Nába Airport! You have arrived to your destination; thank you for flying Truly Airlines, have a wonderful time," she says happily, giving a few instructions to the newly-arrived passengers before thanking them once again and finishing her spiel. Needless to say, I've resorted to jumping up and down again after that.  
  
"Mark! Guys! I missed you!" My heart pounds excitedly at the familiar chirping of the voice I've longed so much to hear live with the flesh, and I angle my head right enough to see Donghyuck waving at us with so much passion it galvanized my heart more (if that _was_  even possible). He wore the brightest smile, his eyes crinkling cutely as he paced his way hastily across the sea of people welcoming each other with open arms. Behind him, further back, the people he came with -- that guy, Hendery, being the one I recognized most -- trailed in a slower speed, carrying their bags securely.  
  
Well of course, I rushed towards him, speeding the best that I can to meet him halfway in an open embrace to which he slammed into with complete abandonment. "Duckie," I cried _embarassingly_ like a child as he dropped his baggage on the ground, his arms slipping comfortably to envelop my waist. "I missed you so, so much Duckie." i card my fingers through the hair on the back of his hair, ever-so-slightly tightening the hug just enough for him to breathe normally.  
  
My heart flutters once more when he snuggles his head along the crack of my neck, his breath fanning over the expanse of skin on the areas uncovered by the short-sleeved dress-shirt I've ultimately decided to wear. "I miss you too, Mark," he said so softly, so, lovingly against my ears, that my stomach twisted at the way the word left his mouth. And if I wasn't imagining in the slightest bit, I could swear I had felt the ghosting of Donghyuck's lips on my chest, pressed lightly, bordering not. But I'm sure it was a fragment of my imagination; after all, in what world would Donghyuck _ever_ do that?  
  
"Okay, enough. We're not shooting a romance film here, people!" Jeno, from what I discerned with the sturdy strength, pulled me from behind, effectively tugging me away from Donghyuck who I swear I heard whine a little. But I wasn't even given any time to whine, myself, when Jaemin crushed the new arrival with an (I'm pretty sure) oxygen-bating hug, with the silent threat as told by Renjun's ~~beady~~ eyes. _Hog him for yourself and I'll make sure you regret it, Mark Lee;_ what I could discern it says.  
  
"Hyuckie!" Renjun, within a split second, goes a hundred and eighty by staring daggers through my very being to piling on the group hug they've established a short while smiling so widely one might think he'd tear his face off. I shook away the slight disbelief at what just happened and opted to smile at the warm display of affection playing out with the trio.  
  
After about a few moments, the three finally pull away, exchanging brief glances that were of content and joy, the mirth they had radiated for the short while the biggest indicator. "I've missed you all so much!" Donghyuck basically jumps up and down, his smile never fading -- brighter than the actual, real life sun, and contesting its marvelous beauty. And I think: if I haven't gotten used to the beauty of such expression on his face, I probably wouldn't have believed it ever existed. However, the warmth in my chest stayed all the same.  
  
"We miss you too, Hyuck!" Jeno beams, smile wide as he reached for Donghyuck's baggage and taking some of the bags to carry for himself. Donghyuck thanks him with a small appreciative grin, ever-so-softly crinkling his eyes.  
  
"How does catching up sound, then?" Donghyuck happily nods at Jaemin's silent proposal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're frustrated (which I know you are), don't worry. I'll be posting another update next week. XD. I KNOW it's UNDERWHELMING but please bear with it. Lyf's getting real hectic and... Yeah.


	25. the get-together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens to Donghyuck and the gang™ after the previous chapter? A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nuff said. It's been a long time and I'm sorry y'all! Things have been pretty hectic (and will stay that way for a couple of months) so I haven't kept the update schedule. I'm thinking of dissolving that to fit mine XD. Anyway, I hope it hasn't been too long for my old readers! Choronghaeeee~

Donghyuck's P.O.V.  
  
"So, care to tell us the  _deets?_ " Jaemin raises his eyebrows up and down, his body subsequently leaning forward, away from the foam backrest of our nook's circular sofa. He rests his arms upright along the ends of the table, interwtining his fingers as if he were a nineties comical supervillain. I furrowed my brows at the whole act he was putting. _Just what does he get from this dramatic bit? Well, after all, it's Jaemin; extra isn't all that surprising._  
  
I grabbed my can and took a quick sip, savoring the slight discomfort of the taste before giving an answer. "Well, it was a good experience; I've learned so much within the short period of time I'd spent there! Plus, the hotel was so,  _so_ nice. They had everything you'd ever need! Well, minus a couple of things you'd probably think of, but whatever." I paused momentarily, going over what else was there to tell them about.  
  
"The people were good to me too, so there's that added plus to the holistic experience. Overall, it was amazing? I don't know what else to say so I'm going to stop it at that." That was pretty much all of it as a sum-up. If I were to tell them each and everything, it would probably become a boring **Donghyuck Talks™** session. I'd rather them have the joys of asking about my trip than become _that kind of aunt_ visiting during Christmas; I'm a good friend like that.  
  
Renjun, who had situated himself on Jaemin's left side and Jeno's right snorted sarcastically, offering me a knowing look I really didn't get. _What?_ I'm not telepathic, how should I know what that look meant without any given deeper context. "Donghyuck, honey, we love you, but I'm pretty sure that's not what Jaemin wanted to hear." He sighs, and I raised a brow, feeling all the more confused.  
  
"What "deets" are we talking about, then?" I eye Jaemin and Renjun expectantly, trying to get a grip of what exactly they wanted me to talk about. The look on their eyes only intensified with every second that passed, and I really did my best to think hard, but I guess the alcohol's been slowly working its way to my thinking. When nothing came to mind, I shot them a look and shrugged my shoulders; just to get the point across. "You know," Jeno says a while later, his voice with that distinctive push and emphasis to it that got me pursing my lips.  
  
"I know what?" I pressed on more, getting slightly annoyed by the secrecy of their actual question. I mean, just what did they want to know that they felt the need to coat it with something else before asking. It reminds me of those shady subtweets I randomly see on Chatter.  
  
"The guy." It was Renjun this time.  
  
"What guy?" Who are they talking about? And what is this about some elusive guy?  
  
"The  _guy, guy,_ " Jaemin says, nearing a frustrated groan.  
  
"Who guy, guy?" And it seems that was the last straw, Jaemin breathing deeply through his nose as if he were a stressed housewife. He had also taken it to himself to pinch his nose bridge for that _super stressed look._  "Hendery? Ring a bell?" He pushes his finger forth and back in the air as if actually pressing a doorbell.  
  
I could only imagine myself looking like a fish out of water, for the most part shocked about people bringing him up. " _Oh. Hendery._ "I paused, a though coming to mind. "Wait -- how did you know about him? I certainly haven't told you guys about him before." Truthfully, I've never mentioned about Hendery in a way that would get them curious. Sure, one time I did tell them the names of my fellow attenders, but never anything specific with any of them.  
  
I narrow my eyes at Jaemin who pursed his lips, his eyes darting from me to anywhere else. "Well, uhh, about that --." Jeno clears his throat, his gaze surprisingly on Mark. I turned to look at him with a questioning look which he didn't even see being he continued to shoot daggers at the three's area.  
  
"Mark told us a while back. He couldn't stop blabbering about it. Something about, best friend and finding a replacement and all that jazz. You know how theatrical he gets sometimes," Renjun says nonchalantly, pouring himself another drink and downing it like a pro. I continued to look at him for almost, I reckon would be, an eternity before the thought finally sank in, and my face burned at the idea.  
  
 _Mark is afraid to lose me._ It's nothing new, he's clearly told me about it before -- but the sensations I get, albeit knowing it for another time, never gets old. It's always nice to know he treasures me, _always.  
_  
Mark, who settled beside me, only groaned and took another swig of his drink, his arms coming to circle around my waist, ever-so-softly pulling me closer to him in a warm partial embrace. The next thing I felt was him leaning much closer to rest his head on my right shoulder, his hair tickling my face like soft feathers would. "Ohh. Uhh, okay," I managed to blurt out try hard as I could, avoiding the glance Renjun seemed to constantly shoot at me.  
  
I drank again, and if I thought I probably appeared to be a little fidgety, I didn't pay any heed. To dissipate my much unwanted inward tension, I only cleared my throat and proceeded to answer their _real_ question. "Well, he's cute and nice? I guess. He's good to me and I kind of relate to him. He just carries this warmth to his personality. To put it simply, without all the unwanted-to-be-heard excess, he's a friend; a close one, if anything."  
  
I couldn't even do so much as register what was happening when Mark detached himself from me, returning his drink bordering a slam before he abruptly stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom for a second," he said, quickly leaving our table. _What just happened._  
  
Jeno shakes his head, a little smile on his lips, while Renjun chuckles maniacally as if he knew something I didn't. I could only ever raise a brow, mirroring the semi-clueless, semi-knowing-it expression on Jaemin's face. "Shouldn't have said that." Renjun, as the observant being that he was, smirks after he said his mysterious tip. _Was Mark, perhaps, upset I called Hendery a close friend?_  
  
I looked down a bit, just enough to hide the smile I couldn't help but form on my face. _Wow, I'm really stupid, aren't I?_ Feeling so giddy like this; when Mark, probably, only feels so because of our friendship. To think weeks prior, I was so bent on avoiding him, of ridding myself of these feelings I harbor. It's ~~a bit~~  really ironic to say the least. But, I guess, a fool will always be a fool -- no matter how smart they get. No matter how much I would exert of myself -- however hard I try, I think I'd ultimately still end up loving Mark; for better or for worse. And if I would have to be a fool for eternity, I would rather be a fool for him -- a fool in love with him.  
  
Mark comes back a minute later, hands on his pocket like those high school bad boys, coolly sauntering across the dimly lit area, and I tried so hard not to feel flustered by how dreamy he looked. He had trained his eyes on the ground, never leaving it until he comes in close proximity, only partially raising his head enough to make eye contact. I smiled a little but he only released a restrained sounding sigh before slumping back to his earlier position.  
  
"Hey," I called out, voice soft and sincerity lacing in my tone of speaking. I gave him a weak nudge using my shoulder, and he looks at me tentatively, eyes seemingly searching for something on mine he couldn't quite grasp. "What," he borderline breathes, too weak for even the others to hear, and I almost made the mistake of biting my lower lip; the tension being far great to handle. So, instead, I chose to lean and rest my chin on the crook of his neck.  
  
I knew it was extremely touchy, extremely feel-y that it surmounts the level of skinship I used to initiate, but I couldn't find it in myself to just make how flustered I am even more obvious. "You know you're my number one. I wouldn't trade us for the world. You realize that, yeah," I murmur into his ear, my hand coming hold his that laid unmoving between us.  
  
I feel the ghosting of his hand on my shoulder then, sliding down to my back, along my midriff, and giving a gentle pat. "Yeah. I do." His breath fanned over my ear, my hairs rising and my heart pounding excitedly at the one-sided interpretation of a romantic gesture I conjured with my _very_ creative brain. I quickly shook it off, deeming the people we're with not the best to show off this state I was in.  
  
A small chuckle, presumably from Jaemin with how ominous it sounded, reverberated through my ears, catching my attention thus the switch of focus. "Okay, now that that's over and done with, let's enjoy the night shall we?" He clasps his hands and smiles widely to which I nodded happily with.  
  
"Hey, Jun, you want to dance?" I hear Jeno ask Renjun who simply replied with, "Hey, Jen, you want to die," a menacing grin in tow. Beside me, Mark stifled a laugh, slightly nudging me as I snorted at Renjun's dark humor.  
  
"I was just asking!" Jeno throws his hands in the air as if in surrender, and the other laughs heartily, pinching Jeno's cheek playfully. "And I was just kidding! Yeah, okay. Let's dance," he says, a sickeningly sweet smile on his face that got my eyebrows rising to the heavens. Without anything else said, they got up from their seats and only looked at us as if in silent inquiry. _Are you guys coming or what,_ their eyes seemed to say.  
  
I shook my head gently, not really in the mood to dance in the pool of thick air and sweaty, gyrating bodies. The two nodded back and turned to Mark who only motions me with his head. Funny enough, they look at Jaemin, expectantly, but without even waiting for an answer, they turned to go to the dance floor. "Wait up guys! I don't want to be left alone with these two!" Jaemin whines loudly and hurries to stand, needlessly jogging over them and then leading the way with a silly walk-dance.  
  
"You know, sometimes I think Renjun and Jeno are weird. Like, you get what I mean? One second it's this scene then the next it isn't." From afar, I observed how the former smiled at the other, sweet and full of something akin to admiration and respect, as if Jeno held the world in his palm. It's been a passive thought of mine for quite some time now; if there was anything between the two of them. Sure, Renjun could be mean and evil at times to Jeno (but mostly Jaemin, not a shock), but his feelings become really apparent upon deep scrutiny; which I've learned to apply specifically on his complex personality. It's a **one doesn't simply understand Renjun, one _needs_ to _understand_ Renjun **type thing.  
  
I turn to look at Mark who had his eyes directed to the two people I've mentioned. He hums, the sound from his mouth a stark contrast from the blaring trap song played in the background accompanied by flashy pinks and violets, with occasional epileptic whites and blues. "I'm not sure I do. But I think I get the gist of what you're saying. But it really isn't on us to force them if ever something _is up,_ " he says reflectively, tilting his head to look at me and smiling that boyish smile of his upon eye contact.  
  
"Agreed." Mark's smile turns lopsided, his airy chuckle tickling the air like a soft cradling, and I try not to choke on my beer at how attractive he looked under the dim lights. For reasons I didn't want to think of, he really went and did his all to look all the more dashing. Clad in a shiny golden dress shirt and light denim pants to match, Mark sure does look _fine._ Not to mention, his hair he styled to look like it was carelessly swept to a side up made his get-up reach its fullest potential.  
  
Swallowing, I cleared my throat and looked away from him, choosing the table a better sight for my over-active heart. I was about to speak, break the silence that came with my detachment from my earlier action when he said something first. "I know I've said it enough times already but I really did miss you." He pauses, the serene swallowing us for countable seconds before he breaks it. "I'm glad your back." Mark draws himself closer, pressing his shoulder to mine almost shyly. He shuffles slightly, his hands coming to rest on his lap, and I couldn't say I didn't do the same, feeling oddly timid about the whole thing.  
  
"Well -- uh -- of course, as expected, I missed you too, Mark. I, too, am glad I'm back," I said back, pretty sure my lips stretching to a shy smile I couldn't afford for him to see. So I took another shot, gulping it in one go, the liquid traveling down my throat in harsh scrapes I chose to withstand. I shook my head in hopes to dispel the discomfort that started to brew in the pit of my stomach. "You know, it's really regrettable I couldn't have you for myself tonight. The dudes wanted to hog you for themselves." Mark laughs lightly, breathy, at the somewhat funnt second sentence. And I think the alcohol's getting to him; he's starting to say extremely unpredictable things that makes me _feel_ things.  
  
"It's okay. We have plenty of time," I chose to say, at loss of anything better to speak out than a measly cliché. I closed my eyes, letting myself breathe the thick, humid bar-air, then opened them again, immediately looking at Mark who had held his eyes closed much to my delight. _It's nice observing him like this_. My heart pounded steadily against my chest, hard and fast the situation could easily be interpreted as that of danger, and the heavy swirling deep in me only heightened to unmanageable levels.  
  
Mark sighs then, his head adjusting to pin me with his intense gaze as he came to rest his chin on the edge of my shoulder. I almost shuddered at the lack of space between us, our faces only inches apart, as if we were about to kiss. If we had any other status, if we had been strangers looking to ease the inner pain, or lovers simply having a good time, I would have leaned in -- swooped in for that kiss I so badly wanted -- but I couldn't; not when I'm his best friend. Not when so much was at stake. "What if we didn't?"  
  
The words pass my ear like a blur but stayed in my mind, relentlessly eating away at my train of thoughts like a pesky embarassing memory. I wasn't even given the chance to make up some sort of witty remark to save my flustered self, Mark distracting me by pressing a hand on my nape and letting it sit there, likewise warm as my skin. He sighs, the scent of alcohol tickling my nose, and I don't know if my reasonings have bent because it was Mark or if it was just that, but the smell was severely intoxicating, catching me in a beautiful trance of wanting more. "Ahh. I really wanted to stay in bed and cuddle though. I haven't had my daily doses of coddling from you," he said to which I snorted at -- well, more of whimpered at.  
  
"I -- I'll cuddle you later. M-Man, you're getting severely clingly, Mark." I tried pushing him weakly, but he didn't budge. Instead, he only rolls his eyes at me and says in all happy tone, "I guess I am," carelessly linking his free hand with mine. Needless to say, my heart staggered at those words. Although, that didn't stop me from wanting to get away, hide, and possibly bury myself in the pit of emabrrasment.  
  
"Let me -- let me get myself a milder drink." I stumbled to get up and fully detach myself from Mark. And albeit the pout gracing his handsome features, he nodded solemnly and let me walk away without any major problems.  
  
It wasn't exactly a lie, I do need to get myself something non-acoholic so I could sober up. Because if I don't, who's going to be taking care of Mark when he turns out severely inebriated? Yeah, no one. But I also do need to get away and take a small breather, to calm my poor heart that hadn't seem to get a rest ever since I'd arrived. After all, it's hard to get a grip on myself when Mark's being so, _so_ forward, and sweet, and dreamy, and _just_ perfect.  
  
"Ow." I stumbled, the force of which I had hit someone reeling me back and the glass I'd held spilling its contents on some part of my torso.  
  
"Oh, sh/t, I'm sorry. Donghyuck?! Are you hurt? Oh my g/d -- I got you wet, I'm sorry. Wait here, I'm going to get some tissues, okay? I'm really, really sorry." The voice sounded familiar, and the thought of who it was scratched at the back of my mind, but before I could even see who the person was, the other male had already left to get some tissues as he had said. So, I only stood there, slightly uncomfortable with the wet patch along my left abdomen that had the fabric of my oversized shirt sticking to my skin.  
  
About a minute later, the man comes back, holding a bunch of tissues in his hand. "Hen," I called out in a small voice, evidently surprised I was meeting him in such a place; because I never took him for the partying type. Sure, he's plenty handsome and looked like he could get anyone he wanted, but he's kind of an introverted person and a cute dork.  
  
But Hendery didn't seem to hear me, only handing me the pieces of soft paper and keeping some for himself. "Here, let me help you with that," he said, a look of determination on his face as he dabbed the tissue on the wet stop, gently running over it once in a while. I only found myself smiling at his response over the matter, genuinely happy it wasn't some random jerk who knocked me over, literally.  
  
"No, it's okay, Hen." I chuckled a bit, holding his hand and halting his current activity. He looked at me, a confused expression registering in his features before he pulled back with a soft, "Oh," trailing in the air. Hendery smiled timidly, his hand held nothing coming to rub his nape, seemingly in reflex. "You probably didn't see me coming too," I said, softly dabbing tissue over some wet areas he had missed during his frantic state of being.  
  
After I was done, I reached out to take the dampened tissues on his hand and crumpled it along the ones I had with me. He only smiled again, apologetic eyes coming to pin mine down. Hendery sighs weakly, saying, "I really didn't. You see, my friend -- you know, Chenle, the mop if pink hair from first year -- thought it'd be funny to play pranks on me tonight. I was just in the middle of chasing him when this happened. I'm so sorry about this," and then gesturing to a direction seemingly behind my back to which I turned to look at.  
  
There, partially hidden among the pool of dancing bodies, was two familiar faces, ones I think I'd seen a couple of times at campus: Zhong Chenle and Park Jisung. The former only looks at me with a cheeky grin, and the latter with an apologetic gaze as they bowed slightly as if in recognition. I just didn't know whether if it was for the trouble caused or for due respect. Either way, I smiled and bowed as well, turning to Hendery subsequently. "It's okay; not really such a big deal," I reassured.  
  
Hendery beams at that, his dimples appearing. "I'll be more careful next time. Anyway, it's such a coincidence! Who are you here with," he asks, curiosity prevalent in the way he spoke, and he looks behind me as if searching for the inquired group of people. I waved my hand lightly, somewhat giving hint to the fact I wasn't currently with my company. "Oh, just Jaemin and the squad. We're having a little get together for once," I answered, angling my body to search for the three dancing friends of mine. When I did, I motioned a hand to their direction which Hendery's eyes followed suit to look at.  
  
He only parts his lips a bit before nodding, presumably in cognizance of the situation, and he smiles again, although now a bit reserved and distant. "You're here with him too?" My eyebrow shoots up at his words, confused at who he was pertaining to. Hendery gestures a finger to point behind me, but before I could even look to confirm who it was (I had suspicions), a familiar voice rings close to my ear. "Hyuck, here you are. What took you so long?" Mark's tone sounded a bit off, maybe from the intoxicating drink he'd downed but definitely odd. There was an edge to his voice I couldn't quite put a finger on.  
  
"Mark! I just had a little run-in with Hendery." As surprised as I had been from the sudden interjection of Mark, and his barely-noticeable shift of demeanor, I had immediately recovered right after, choosing to not stay suspiciously silent. Mark only smiled, the look on his face appearing to be more of a simper rather than a genuine expression; a bit forced in my opinion as well.  
  
"Care to introduce me to your new friend, then?" I tried not to squirm (and flush profusely) when he wraps an arm around my waist as, ostensibly -- and as much as I could internalize --, an act of protection and (not to mention) a weird display of what I could only interpret as dominance. Although, the feelings of being shocked and pleasantly surprised didn't stop flowing through my veins however hard I tried to supress them. However, I don't quite get why he's so fired up.  
  
Nevertheless, I said, "Oh, yeah, right. Hendery, this is Mark; my best friend. Mark, this is Hendery; my new friend," motioning my hand to the person I was introducing to who. And I don't know if it was me, or if anything was seriously up with the two, but the scrutinizing gaze Mark used on Hendery made the earlier-masked tension more apparent. Hendery, however, stayed rooted on his ground and only nodded a small one.  
  
 _Is he really that afraid of losing me?_ Such thought entered my mind, wiggling through the multitudes of others -- mostly of confusion and for introspection. And I bit down to negate the stretching of a stupid huge grin on my lips, happiness and an unexplicable feeling of pride brimming my heart on such a level of ecstasy that it was almost too hard to read the current atmosphere.  
  
"Hey, Hendery." Mark, with eyes stone-hard, staring down as if a wrestler pinning their opponent, and eyebrow slightly raised, reaches out his free hand for a firm handsake which Hendery takes without a second thought. There was a silence shared between the three of us when their hands clasped, a silent dialogue mediated over eye contact and uncomfortable stances that were too formal and reserved.  
  
If I wasn't so much of an observer, I would've missed the way their handshake seemed to be more of power playing than anything. I had stared at it as a passive act to pass through the formalities, but strangely enough, began to notice how their hands stayed there for quite some time, gripping, and lightly turning to the sides every now and then as if actually battling with each other.  
  
Their gazes were intense and came across intimidating in a way I couldn't quite explain. It was as if they were two predators fighting over a prey they've both set the stakes on. However, Hendery has visibly the least fierce expression on his face, only a semi-poker as opposed to the  _Alpha_ look Mark's features had taken on. "Hi back, Mark," says the former after a while, a soft grin stretching his face as Mark retreated his hand, the expression on his features likewise, but the bite in his eyes all the same. So, I cleared my throat for the lack of any viable response.  
  
If this scenario isn't of extreme weirdness, then I don't know what standards has been set for the word. I was at loss of what to say, the atmosphere surrounding the three of us palpably tense and it borderline felt wrong to strike a conversation then and there. "Well, since we're all here. How about joining us in our table for a short while," I asked Hendery instead, the words coming out of my mouth before I could even think of it.  
  
I feel Mark's grip strengthen when he pulled me slightly back, his breathing audibly thickening at my proposition. Hendery's eyes, meanwhile, flits between Mark and I, the look on his face not giving anything away so I could only assume it to be that he was weighing his options. After some time, he shoots me a look of rerget, his eyes weakly downturned and a small, closemouthed smile on his lips. "Ahh, maybe next time, Hyuck? I've got to get back to my friends or they'd think I've been kidnapped or something." He chuckles lightly, eyes crinkling by the sides at the joke he pulled off and I couldn't help but laugh as well.  
  
"Sure, Hen. Be careful on your way, okay," was what I managed to squeeze between my snickering fit to which Hendery nodded off with, "Yeah. I will. It was nice seeing you guys. See you at school?" He backs away slowly, still facing us as he waved his left hand gently in the air, his right tucked comfortably on his pants' pocket.  
  
I waved back, successfully muttering a tiny, "See you," before he fully turned away, coolly walking towards I direction I presume is where the rest of his company has been staying. And once I was sure he was out if earshot, I removed Mark's hand that had taken home across my waist, distancing myself enough to see him clearly.  
  
With an empty glass on my right and a couple used tissues on my left, I put the back of my hands on a comfotable spread on both sides of my waist, making sure to look at Mark with a stern expression on my face that I'm sure looks nothing like I want it to be. "Lee Minhyung, I swear." Heaven knows how much effort I put to not break down in an enormous smile as I looked at his forlorn, guilty face. " _Yah!_ Why'd you have to be so mean?" As much as I appreciate (very much) his, what I think is, possesiveness, I still felt that I need to reprimand him for acting up with Hendery who did nothing wrong.  
  
"I'm not being mean though." Mark pouts and like a kicked puppy, he tilts his head slightly, staring at me with wide, somewhat glossy eyes. I took a deep inhale and raised a brow, the thought _must resist_ engraved in my mind in bold, capital letters. Mark only shies his gaze as a response, choosing to fiddle with some button on his shirt rather than to give me another answer. "I know you, Mark." A tiny smile breaks through my angry-Donghyuck façade, and I snorted at Mark who looks at me with a defensive expression.  
  
He bites on his lower lip, slightly nibbling on the darkened, thin skin. Needless to say, I looked away, feeling unnecessarily flustered at the otherwise innocent (and completely purely-from-discomfort) action. "Okay, I was. But just a little!" Mark viciously (not really, just wildly) gestures, his arms flailing in an unorganized manner all over the air, I assess trying to get his point across. "You see, he gave me _the vibes._ I, for one, just followed my instincts," he finished rather vaguely, pursing his lips after while he tucked his hands behind his back.  
  
Being the person that I am, perpetually _weak_ for Mark Lee, I only heaved a sigh before waving my hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah. Okay Mark." I pouted, dropping the veneer I har put up, a light chuckle escaping my lips to which he furrowed his brows to. "What am I going to do with you, Mark Lee," I managed to squeeze out, planning to transistion to a different topic before being cut off by a hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Jen?" Mark looks inquisitively behind me, the dips on the corners of his lips somewhat a horrible forboding, and I turn around only to face Jeno who sports a panicked look on his face. "Mark, Hyuck, uhh, we need to go." Jeno pauses, the meeting crease on forehead deepening as his eyes flickered from mine to Mark's. And I could only do so much as nibble on my upper lip to supress the feeling of panic slowly bubbling up the surface of my current emotions.  
  
I admittedly breathed more calmly when Mark's hand laid on my shoulders. "Jaemin's in major trouble." And without another word exchanged, we scurried off to where Renjun and Jaemin were.  
  
•×•  
  
"That idiot, really! I still can't believe how stupid he was. Oh my goodness, I'm going to kill him when he wakes up." Renjun paces around, a bottle of water in his hand and a couple of medicines in the other. He had this fierce expression in his face that if not observed thoroughly, one woyld actually think he'd do what he said. But the shine on his eyes and the crack in his voice told another story. A sharp exhale escapes him before he turns to leave, steps (more like stomps) clearly aiming to the room where they brought Jaemin to rest a while back.  
  
It's been over an hour since the whole _Jeno approaching us in great panic_ scenario and, needless to say, things really had gotten a little too spicy to handle. In hindsight, nobody could have expected Jaemin to create such a maelstrom even Mark had the problem of managing and dealing with. I mean, _nobody -- nobody_ could have expected him to just _get wild._ Well, apparently, some ominous-looking girl had approached Jaemin offering him a drink. In retrospect, and honestly in reality, Jaemin accepting the drink and carelessly drinking it doesn't come as a surprise. He tends to not think things through when he's overly excited and happy.  
  
Then a little while after, he's gyrating uncontrollably on a _chair,_ sensually stripping his top like some X-rated talent star. What's worse with the whole situation is that I got to see the whole thing halfway until it eventually ended. And honestly, it was pretty horrifying **and severely traumatizing** to watch Jaemin shake his ass while "seductively" whipping his shirt on the air like his life _depended_ on it. My eyes still burn from the eyesore, and I feel the image has forever been emebedded in my subconscious. What worries me is the high probability that I wouldn't see Jaemin the same way again.  
  
Turns out the drink had been laced with some substance I wouldn't even dare think about. Thankfully, the proper authorities (and Renjun) had taken care of the woman who handed Jaemin the drink, processing the incident rather quickly in such a short notice. Renjun had been so angry -- fuming even, lambasting the woman once she was found and interrogated. Jeno had to actually hold him back when Renjun started screaming _I'll kill you, you b/tch!_ It was a dreadful occurence, why I'm so glad it's over and done with.  
  
After lawfully handling the matter, we decided to call it a day, the exhaustion catching to us. And since the tiredness was an overwhelming sensation, as Jeno had stated, we decided to crash in his house for the night ofcourse with his persuasion. Thus, why I'm tucked securely on their big sofa, body curled in fetal position as I stared ahead, vision not quite focusing on anything in patricular. I had checked on Jaemin earlier, and for the better part of things, he's already calmed down, sleeping peacefully on the guest bedroom.  
  
I wouldn't like to show it, but as much as I was appalled by Jaemin's horrible dance moves, I had also been so scared about what could've happened if Renjun and Jeno hadn't caught on to his situation. In the worst case scenario, he could've been taken away from us and we'd never know -- and he'd disappear and _I really don't even want to think about it._ Yes, Jaemin is extremely annoying and a mild traitor to Mark and I, but I wouldn't trade him for another person; I wouldn't want for him to one day just disappear without a trace. He's my friend and I love him -- hold him dearly close to my heart -- and should anything dreadful had happened, I'd be immensely hurt.  
  
"He's fine now, Hyuck." A hand comes to rub my arms, the palm soothing despite it's roughness. With a sigh, I hoisted myself up, shifting to lean comfortably in Mark's sturdy chest. My heart staggers at the lack of distance between our bodies, the heat radiating from his to my back a pleasant distraction from the panic still tugging at the corners of my chest. "Stop worrying too much," Mark whispers, resting his cheek on top of my head, his hand coming to circle on my waist in a protective and comforting hold.  
  
It's amazing how Mark can read me so transparently, as if my innermost being was something he knew so much better than I did. It's as if in his eyes, my outer veneer were as thin and see through as a plastic book covering -- very, very revealing and non-existent. And although it would have bothered me if it were another person to read me like so, I'm elated that Mark _does_ know me well enough like that. It sparks a feeling of pride and inexplicable happiness in my heart albeit the knowledge it probably is from the years of friendship we've shared.  
  
"You can say the same for yourself." I raised my hand, searching until I found his and then comfortably resting it on top. With my thumb, I soothingly rubbed the area between his index and thumb, angling my head to get a better look at him. "You've been so worried too." He smiles at me, a silent look of agreement in his eyes. While, yes, he seemed like he wasn't fazed and knew that the whole situation would turn out fine, the truth was that he was quite distrubed as well. The way his eyes seemed to twitch, his breathing going jagged at random -- such things gave it all away.  
  
"I was," Mark says with a soft sigh trailing behind, his eyes weakly downturned. "After all, it's not everyday we witness a friend getting done dirty like that. I was so worried." The last part almost comes as a soft buzzing if not for the silence that surrounded us, easily passable as a gentle murmuring of nothings. But I had caught it, and just as he was about to laugh at his poor excuse of a joke, probably to lighten up the mood, I part away from him and shifted my body, circling my arms around his neck to a loose embrace.  
  
Mark's breathing staggers, the air I imagine like a waterfall cascading in uneven amounts -- an uneven pouring of heavy emotions from a welling heart. "Thank you, Hyuck," he murmurs along my chest, arms crossing behind in return as he rests his forehead along my shoulder. His breath passes over the fabric of my shirt, hitting warm against my skin like a sick hotness, and I shudder slightly. "I'll always be here for you," I said instead, tightening my hold on him.  
  
I took a deep inhale, closing my eyes to enjoy the serenity of the room. "You're such a nice guy, Mark," I said, my hand coming to play with his hair as I snuggled further into his warmth, enjoying the way his hair felt against my fingers. He said nothing then, only shifting to raise us slightly from being so crouched on the sofa. "Am I," he asks silently and I was about to say more, something I'd explore when I open my mouth to speak, but a sharp knock on some door got our attention.  
  
I nearly jumped at that, my face heating up faster than a toaster would, and I made a move to quickly scramble off from Mark. But all of that was cut short when said man only hugs me tighter, only snuggles closer as if he didn't get the hint; so I didn't. Instead, I turned to look at Renjun who had rooted himself by the door, a couple of pillows and blankets in hand. And albeit the utter shame and embarrassment that traveled through every vein of my body, I found myself brave enough to actually look him in the eyes.  
  
"Guys, your room's that one near the general comfort room. You can sleep now if you want. Here are your amenities. Please get it; it's very heavy." He holds out the said _amenities,_ with a _very_ bored expression on his already tired face. He taps his feet on the floor, impatiently while Mark stays a while before actually making any move to detach me from him. Once he lets go, he wordlessly goes over to Renjun and takes over the duty of carrying the _heavy_ things on the latter's arms. He only looks at me, saying, "I'll set these things so we can sleep," before turning and going to our room.  
  
Renjun dismissively waves his hand, a small "Thank you, Mark," trailing the air in soft, gentle vibrations. Not a secodn later, he turns to me, his hands taking place on both sides of his waist. "And you -- we really need to talk. But not tonight, maybe tomorrow. Well, I don't know. Oh my goodness, I am sleepy it makes me feel I'm drunk," he blabbers, subsequently yawning. "By the way, where's Jeno?" I turned away, eyes focusing to a window nearby where the sight of the sky peeked beautifully.  
  
"He's finished fretting over Jaemin and had taken refuge in the room," Renjun answers simply, spinning around and bringing a hand up. "Night, Hyuck." He uncomfortably angles his hand and shoots a gun to my direction before trudging away. I sigh, slumping my shoulders a I backtracked with everything that's happened, walking toward Jaemin's room.  
  
Cautious, I peeked my head in to see aforementioned male still sleeping soundly, turned to the side and clutching above the covers with his slim fingers. I opened the door then, rather quietly to not wake him up, and slipped inside likewise. My feet take me closer to him, eyes never leaving his form. Once I come near, I pursed my lips, the emotions of fear crossing my heart once more in an uncomfortable dance of memories and grim thoughts. "I'm glad you're safe, Jaem. Get well." Carding my hands through his hair, I breathe deeply, wishing him the wellness I just did. I pat his head afterwards, parting his hair away from his face to avoid discomfort and heating. About a minute later, I fixed the blankets to cover him up before leaving, shutting the door silently.  
  
 _Get well, Jaem. We love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughs; drop a comment!


	26. the enigma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An emotional roller coaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ.
> 
> Uh, hello everyone! I don't know how to start this chapter without saying: I'm sorry.
> 
> I'm sorry to all of you who waited for updates. I'm sorry to all of my reader who'd patiently endured the grueling wait. I'm sorry for, as much as I hope I didn't, disappointing you all.
> 
> It's been about two months now, I guess, after my last update. And after then, it was like I vanished from thin air.
> 
> To tell you honestly, I wasn't really in the best place -- the events that had take place and the moods I took on after really just discouraged me from putting up anything. And I'm sorry for making promises a month ago that I'd be updating. I was really planning on doing so, but I've been very put off.
> 
> First; my phone broke.
> 
> So, you're probably thinking I'm overreacting and being a whiny fool. I really am and I understand why you would think so. It's not something that someone would be so devastated about. But, the contents there was priceless. There were files there that meant so much to me. And losing all of those -- including my written works (complete and incomplete) -- really was hard for me. I know I should've done my part to back them up. It was my fault. But that fact doesn't lessen the gravity of how I lost the amount of effort I've poured into writing, among other things. I just couldn't bring myself to type out a word after that.
> 
> Then about a month ago, when I started feeling okay about the whole thing, I had a problem with school. I always knew I did subpar, but the severe drop of my grades skyrocketed my emotions and I dived deeper to self-pity and anger.
> 
> So I disappeared. I took my time off because I felt like I needed to breathe. I took my time off because I felt like if I continued to force this story onto myself, I would end up hating it unreasonably. And I'm sorry for leaving you guys on a long hang.
> 
> I'm bringing you this update now because I want to start writing back again (as dramatic as that sounds). I want to be able to share my ideas and read through your comments again.
> 
> But I would have to let you know that I've been rusting. And if my writing isn't any good on this one, please feel free to point out my lapses in the comment section. Or please feel free to tell me what you think. I've missed you!
> 
> I hope you understand what happened.
> 
> xoxo, moonjs.

Donghyuck's P.O.V.

I awoke with the sun hitting me, gently laying it's rays out light on my being, and Mark's arms draped carelessly around my abdomen, his fingertips touching gently the exposed parts of my body as if in silent ownership. I shift slightly, blinking my eyes to adjust to the light. "Mark," I say with my vision tracing my surroundings and recalling the events of the night prior, but quickly fell silent when he gave no reply, the slight pressure on my nape and the small snores sounding off about the room an indicator he was still in deep slumber.

I sigh eyeing the off-white colored walls while taking into mind how I melted perfectly with the bed, my heartbeat prominent against the silence that reigned the room.

Instead of getting up and going through the motions I've thought of, I paused and took a deep breath -- savoring the way Mark had pressed himself against me comfortably in all the right places. It felt so special for me to be with him in such position -- felt so f-cking amazing my heart burned with emotions I've grown accustomed of feeling.

Mark Lee really has this way of things.

And although I know -- and accept -- that most probably all we'll have is friendship, I can't help the smallest sliver of hope that takes root in my heart whenever he does things like this -- even if he does them unconsciously. It blooms unsolicited in my heart, silently growing bigger and bigger each time Mark acts sweetly and makes me feel otherwise as only a friend. But it's honestly so stupid of me.

It's awful; feeling so conflicted like this. Feeling like I have the world with me, within my reach, but not being able to call it mine. It's horrifying; knowing that I could lose this relationship we have with something as insignificant as my feelings.

I care for Mark; the planes and layers to what I hold for him something he could never grasp. But does he care for me to the degree I to him? I don't know. Maybe. Would he still care for me if he finds out? I don't know. Would he still say he loves me if all falls apart? I don't f-cking know. And it hurts.

It's painful because all I'll ever be is unsure -- afraid of being hated and rejected because what I felt wasn't reciprocated the way I wanted. Am I selfish to want Mark to love me the way I love him even though it isn't possible? Maybe I am. Am I selfish to love him so much more than I should? Maybe I am. Am I wrong to feel this way? I don't know what to think anymore.

Questioning these things and thinking about my feelings, I find myself lost -- hurt, confused, and my eyes tingle and burn at the negative thoughts that invade my innermost mind. "I'm sorry," I say under my breath, feeling it was right to do so as I curl up closer to him, feelings his warmth, taking in everything that was Mark Lee with our proximity, keeping myself sane in his arms that served as pillars that kept me together.

My salvation is my demise, that I am sure. And my damnation is inevitable.

•×•

From where I sat, on the sleek wooden chair at the center of the kitchen area, the scenery from the window outside appeared peaceful and I took it in without anything said otherwise. The wind blew and the leaves swayed to its direction, kind of like mindless slaves blindly trusting their master. But I kind of like that. It made me feel at ease -- that I wasn't the only one blindly swaying. That I wasn't the only one going to inevitably fall from grace.

I hold my cup in my hand a little bit closer to me, breathing in the velvety smell of hot coffee before taking a careful sip. Silently, I enjoy how it cascades down my throat; providing a warm and fuzzy feeling and temporarily reeling me away from my insecurities that loomed darkly in my chest.

It's, from what I could make-up, about half an hour after I dragged myself out of bed and left Mark to himself. My thoughts were getting unbearable; to the point I slightly felt suffocated by the relatively large room that encaged us together. And I had wanted to save myself from feeling a certain way so I went.

"Good morning." The sudden rip from silence didn't even startle me, only seeming like a blurry noise behind my ears that had been played in a higher volume. But nonetheless, I turned away to face Renjun. "Good morning Junnie," I reply, taking a moment to plaster a smile on my face and pat an empty side on the square table for him to sit.

He smiles back and acknowledges my offer with a nod before preparing a beverage for himself as well. Once he was done maneuvering the coffee machine, he makes his way to me and sits comfortably on the chair, his body easily relaxing albeit the hard wooden surface.

Renjun makes an effort to adjust himself, slightly shifting about his seat before settling to lean forward, his elbows resting on the furnished surface of the table. He holds his cup in the air, blowing on it before striking up a conversation with, "Did you have a good sleep?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I averted my gaze back outside, not really feeling the need to talk.

"Did you have a good morning?" he asks again, to which I replied curtly with an, "Arguably." I could feel the tension rise and I stiffen myself to prepare for something. Anything.

"Is now a good time to talk?"

"Always." Renjun sighs, his breath of defeat dragging me away from whatever foul mood that had consumed me prior, and I turn back to apologize. "Wait. I'm sorry, Jun. I don't know why I'm being such a prissy. I-I just -- I don't know." I bite my lip as I searched his eyes for any sign of annoyance or anger. But I found none, only one of concern veiled in the guise of nonchalance.

He clears his throat and puts his cup down, his hand travelling to cup mine in silent soothing. "It's okay, Hyuck. I understand you -- I promise I'm not angry or anything." He thumbs my palm and I find myself melting at the powerful touch, my heart swelling with guilt at the way I had acted.

"But still," I begin to say but got cut off by his stare that said I didn't need to say more. So I shut up and looked down, my coffee being a more interesting subject than the person who I've done wrong to with no particular reason, feeling Renjun's fingers soothe the building negativity in my chest.

"I'm just gonna say it out and not going to make a big deal out of it," Renjun speaks moments later, his statement hushed and clearly laced with nervousness.

Without a word, I flip our hands' position and hold his snugly in mine, making sure to shoot him a look that said he needed not to be afraid. He smiles shyly, the prior emotion of nervousness dissipating from his features until I saw only calmness. Renjun breathes one more time, deeply, and says, "Jeno and I are a thing, basically. Thought I'd let you know." His cheeks turn the lightest shade of pink at that, a bashful smile on his lips that spoke of happiness and contentment.

I couldn't help but smile at him, my heart filling with positive emotions at his obvious joy. "Congratulations!" I said, shaking our hands gently, giddy at the prospect of seeing the two of them more open and about their relationship. "I'm honestly a little surprised. But I kind of expected it though; being with the way you two kind of interacted with each other and everything," I said honestly and Renjun only snorts cheerily.

"I'm happy for you two," I say more clearly this time, my lips still stretched to a smile. "Really." And the look on Renjun's face -- how his eyes narrowed and his smile widened as he glowed brightly -- is something I'd treasure forever. After all, people don't always stay blissfully happy. There are only ever those few moments in life.

"Does his mom know? Do your parents know?" I ask, feeling oddly curious. I mean, as far as I've known, Jeno was the only one significantly open about his sexuality -- him not being completely straight. He'd came out to us and his mom as bisexual just a couple of months back. But Renjun, albeit the evident sassiness and diva-attitude that could've been indicators os his sexuality, hadn't pegged himself to a label.

Renjun shrugs, a small smile on his lips as if in remembrance of some occurence that had gone well. "Well, both sides actually. We've decided to not bother with the hiding. You know, it could get a little sticky sometimes." He pauses, taking a sip of his coffee and stealing me a glance. "They took it pretty well. Except my Dad who was a tad bit upset he wasn't going to have grandchildren," he adds, his nose scrunching ever-so-slightly.

"Wow. You guys are amazing." I couldn't help but feel at awe with my friends. Although the world was becoming more open and more motions are being made to fulfill the promise of equality, some were still closed off with their beliefs. That had made 'coming out' harder, inarguably. Renjun and Jeno were so brave to face the stigma that surrounded their situation. I could only imagine the amount of conviction and strength it would take someone to stand for what they believe when others didn't really care that much or felt opposed to the idea. And just because everything turned out well for them, it doesn't negate their efforts to surface from the hidden dark. I think that's something important in the grand scheme of things. And while I do believe that, I couldn't be that bold. I don't think I'll ever be.

"Thank you, Hyuck." Renjun smiles but quickly schools his expression to a neutral one before taking a deep breath and clearing his throat, his eyes staring directly at mine as if gauging and calculating. "But -- uhm -- this isn't the only thing I'd want to talk about though." He says it slowly, with caution just as though he was testing uncharted borders, and I discomfort grows in my chest with the way his words loom in the air.

"What is it?" I straighten my posture, the palpable tension penetrating through me. Looking away, I try my best to even my breathing, a vague idea of what he wanted to talk about tugging at my mind. He seemed to notice that and tightened his hold on my hand.

"I don't know how you're going to react. And in advance, I'm sorry if --," he began but I cut him off with, "Cut it Jun. Spill what's on your mind," repeatedly moving my legs in an attempt to detach myself from the conversation enough to feel less pressured.

Silence falls upon us then, thick and slightly uncomfortable, and I couldn't keep my eyes trained to one thing. So instead of speaking, I start playing with the hem of my shirt, hoping the distraction would do me good. But, try as hard as I could to avod the inevitable, Renjun breaks his silence. "You like him, don't you?" And I feel like my chest burned at his question, engulfed in flames of helplessness and uncertainty.

My heart pulsates hard and fast as I slowly retreat my hand away from his and tucking it safely under the table to hide the weak trembling they've taken on. From my peripheral, I observe Renjun doing the same, his head in a small tilt when he tries again. "More than you should?"

I manage to shake out a nervous laughter, trying desperately so hard to articulate a cohesive and sensible statement. But all that comes out of my mind is a low, "Am I that transparent?" accompanied by a buzzing in my mind -- somewhat a warning that I needed to stop before I say something I'd regret later on.

However, Renjun's gaze tells me otherwise. He makes it know with his eyes that I could trust him. That I could empty myself using him. "Donghyuck," he says, his voice sounding pained as it rang in my ear in sick repetition.

I look away again, feeling more and more naked by the seconds that passed. "I do, Junnie. I do like him." My eyes sting and my breathing goes jagged, and I mentally curse myself for being easily carried away by my emotions. "But he'll never like me back the way I'd love for him to," I chose to ramble, laughing to no one but myself after taking in air sharply.

I bow my head down. "I don't know why the f-ck I'm even crying. I'm so weak. Crying for something so trivial." Renjun doesn't speak then, but instead he gets off from his chair and scoots closer to me, his arms finding their way around my body.

Whimpering, I let myself melt in his embrace -- let myself seek warmth that I so badly need to feel alright. I don't even say a word when his hand comes up to my face and starts thumbing my tears away, only opting to close my eyes and keeping my composure at bay. I only ever tear up again when he says, "No, Hyuck. Crying doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong. Crying means you're strong enough to bare yourself and your emotions for others to see, even though it's not the conditioned notion of strength," with his voice carrying that tone of confidence he often used but somehow sounded so different now.

"And your feelings aren't trivial. They're just as important as anything else. They're valid just as much as someone else's. Don't think otherwise." I managed not to let out huge sobs when he presses a kiss on my head.

Instead, I gently shake at the weight of my feelings, sputtering words I didn't have time to process but actually meant. "It just -- It just hurts so much, you know? It's sinking in. All of it in one go and it's become something that scares the hell out of me." I breathe, fearing my heart would explode for I bore it's deepest secrets to another soul. "I've never felt this way before. So invested. So -- so deep into the trance it's f-cking scary. I feel like I couldn't breathe; like something's pressing against my chest so hard I'm gasping for air."

Mark is an enigma -- not really -- but it's hard to draw the line to where I should stand when he does things to me; as when he presses too close, smiles at me too fondly, says I love you. The line between friendly gestures and actions that affect me so deeply blurs with Mark Lee. It exists not with him, and I hate it when I think I accept our current standing but feel otherwise on the subconscious.

"You know, he makes me feel things I shouldn't with the way he looks at me as if he loves me the way I to him, the way he touches me though he longs for me, the way he carries me and cares for me." I bury myself in Renjun's arms even more, extending my arms to hug him back. "I like him so, so much, I don't know what to do anymore. My feelings are powerful and consuming, Jun and I'm not sure about how to feel about things anymore."

"There's this f-cking pink tint to everything even when it's a normalcy. There's this f-cking feeling of wanting him so bad when I know I can't have him." I'm confused more than anything. It's difficult to put myself at place -- too difficult to not let these feelings of mine foster to something that could possibly change mine and Mark's life if not gone about properly.

Sitting there, with Renjun embracing me and I doing the same while spilling out my heart and mind, the gavity of how I'm so, so scared of f-cking up sank in -- plummeting down to the pit of my stomach it made me feel actually sick. "I'm so scared of losing him."

The idea burns in my mind, images of possible rejections and separations sending pulsating waves of alarm throughout me, and I choke on air, struggling to breathe. "Hyuck," Renjun snaps me out of my trance, rocking us back and forth. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't do much to help with the pain you feel. I don't know how exactly you feel -- how scared you are right now. But I want you to know that, for what it's worth, I'll always be here for you no matter what. Be it be a shoulder you need to cry on or an ear for you to vent everything out."

He stays there, not speaking, letting me calm down from an ovbious panic attack, and I feel grateful for the comforting silence that enveloped us. Once I've calmed down inside, I say, "Thank you, Jun. Really," turning to face him. "I've never realized how convoluted my feelings have gottem until, well, now."

He look at me, the expression on his face like he wanted to say something else. But the quick shift tells me he changed his mind. He only does so much as offer a parental smile before saying, "Always."

•×•

Renjun hits Jaemin on his arm, a loud stinging slap sounding off the harsh skin contact, and while the latter had winced and groaned in pain, the former wasn't affected at all. "Na f-cking Jaemin! If you accept drinks from strangers one more f-cking time I will seriously chop your dick off and shove it into your mouth!" Renjun moves again, his hand suspended in the air for a split second before Jeno comes in and traps it. And if the moment wasn't so dramatic, I'd probably laughed at the appalled look on Renjun's face as he looked at Jeno.

"Ow! Chill down momma! That hurt," Jaemin, nursing his reddening arm, spouts at Renjun with a pout on his lips, evident that he was really, really hurt to a degree. But the aforementioned male only stares him down, his eyes taking a menacing glint to them. "Serves you right for being utterly stupid," he says without any hint of humor to which Jaemin only snorts at.

"She was pretty though. So, kind of worth it?" Renjun's eyes twitches a bit, his head tilting scarily as if Jaemin said the most horrifying thing. And before we knew it, another strong slap reaches the latter's skin.

Jaemin jolts at the impact, holding his hands up in plea to stop the violence Renjun had resorted to. "Junnie stop! Gotdamn, I said chill," he panics, scooting away from Renjun who looked like he really couldn't care much. "Can't you take a joke?" Jaemin huffs.

The other only raises his eyebrow, but the venom in his eyes stayed the same. "Try me, b-tch." It was low, almost sounding playfully challenging, but goodness only knows what lengths Renjun would go through. So Jaemin, this time, presses his lips and not even tries to suppress his pout. "Fine, fine. I'll stop joking about it," waving his hand in the air as if dismissing the obvious threat.

Jeno on the other hand, who had taken the liberty to just smile fondly at the slightly vicious bickering of the two othet males, brings up a hand on his boyfriend's back and rubs it soothingly in circular motions. "Tone it down, Jun." And Renjun breathes at that. When all was fine and (Satan Spawn) Renjun calmed down, Jeno looks at Jaemin and says, "Seriously though, dude. I'm glad you're fine. I was heck of a lot scared, honestly."

Jaemin scrunches his nose at the statement, his cheeks turning a light pink at the former's blatant display of affection. He clasps his hands on his chest and coos. "Aww. It's official; I love Jeno the most in this group of whacks." He stops and makes heart signs before continuing with, "Thank you, boo. C'mere, baby. Let me give you a kiss," as he holds his arms out.

Despite the ghastly look at Renjun's face, Jeno chuckles and leans in, looking delighted to have Jaemin playfully peck his cheeks. The former of the three, being able not to do anything else, rolled his eyes at the display, making sure to se retly flip Jaemin off the finger.

"What'chu lookin' at?" Jaemin directs at me, his brow sassily going up and his lips puckering the littlest bit. I couldn't help but snort and roll my eyes at him. "Shut up. I'm glad you're back to normal. Just -- don't do that again, 'kay? Or you will actually cause my death."

A giggle escapes his lips, shrugging once again. "Can't promise you that." But, nevertheless, I did hug Jaemin despite his dumb retort to my statement. And if the hug was a little bit longer than I had anticipated, I nor Jaemin didn't say a word.

Mark, who positioned himself on the other end of our semi-circle clears his throat, getting our attention. So I turn to look at him to figure what was up, and for a brief second, he eyes me -- intenty as if staring right past my physical self, a glint of something akin to curiosity in his orbs -- and then turns away, masking his before expression with a loose smile. "Missed this normal you, man," Mark says, punching Jaemin's shoulder gently.

As if an immediate, default reaction, I scoot over to him, attempting to lessen the proximity that we have. But right then as I was close enough to cling an arm over his, he steps away a barely noticeable distance just like he would if he wanted to put on space physically and metaphorically. And even if my stomach sinks a bit at that, I ignore his sudden shift in attitude. Maybe he just didn't notice me or something. That's probably it.

"Didn't miss you though, Mork." Jaemin, ever so theatrical, sticks out his tongue -- an action where Mark only grins at while breathy laughter bubbled up from his chest. "Whatever, dude."

"Yeah, yeah. But please stop trying to sound like a hipster grandpa with your creative vocabulary." Jaemin smirks, and Mark scrunches his nose in feigned annoyance. "Eff off, Jaem."

Jaemin smiles brightly at that. "Much better."

•×•

"Mark?" I call him right after we get out of Jaemin's room, but Mark doesn't look my way. The only thing that tells me he's heard what I've said was the stagger in his steps, the little pause he had taken before deciding to continue walking again.

My stomach drops for the second time, panic bubbling in my chest like a sick thrumming, and I quickly make my way to him. "Mark?" I try again, trying to conceal the rising desperation in my voice. To say I'm alarmed by the change of his behavior could be an understatement. I am scared, actually scared. We'd been fine the night before, clingly and close. What is going on?

This time however, Mark completely stops and turns his head just enough for me to know he would be listening to what I say. And when I don't speak, he says, "Yeah," his voice small and laced with something I couldn't decipher, too hidden in the neutrality of his tone.

I gulp, breathing in to steady my voice. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked to which he replied with a short, "No. You didn't."

I decide to just go for it. "Why aren't you talking to me?"

Mark's shoulders tense, his body straightening out, and he stood taller. By then, he turned his body completely toward my direction but he didn't look at my eyes. He kept his vision grounded to the walls, ever only moving them up and down. "I--I'm just tired," he admits after a few beats, his Adam's Apple bobbing in his throat, and I could tell he was straight up lying.

I do my best to keep my cool, nodding although I felt otherwise. "Okay. W-Well--," Mark immediately cuts me off.

"Look, Donghyuck, I need to go. See you." And just like that, he turns away and leaves, not even bother to look back or going through the motions of goodbyes.

What the hell is happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts?


	27. thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short update because I felt like it.
> 
> Thank you to everyone of you who'd read the prior chapter! Especially to those who've commented and shared really nice words. Saranghae!! ❤️
> 
> Anyway, a little life update:
> 
> I'm doing fine as of the moment. I'm trying to get past some toxic mentality that were not greatly helpful in more ways than one. I'm dealing fine (with things) too! I'm hyped for what the future hold, really.
> 
> Anyway, again, I feel like y'all are going to get angry at me for the things I'm about to do. But please read on!! Do not be discouraged, uwu! I promise it would (hopefully) get better in time. So, let's chill.
> 
> P.S. Drop your COMMENTS and SHARE this story, aye!
> 
> P.P.S. Tell me. Do you know a Froy? Because I know a Froy and he's hella precious. Literally, my infat is getting worse.

Mark's P.O.V.

I'm f-cking not fine. It isn't even that big of a deal, isn't even something I should concern myself with because I have no ownership over him whatsoever. But I hate, f-cking hate, knowing that Donghyuck likes someone enough to pour his eyes out. And to Renjun. Not even me -- his f-cking best friend.

It's almost been a week and a half since that fated incident, when I'd overheard sobs raking through his body because of some f-cking boy, and I can't be bothered to even so slightly feel remorseful about giving him the cold shoulder and basically treating him like he didn't exist. I hadn't really spoken to him all that much and avoided his presence (and Renjun's) as much as I could.

I couldn't face them after what had happened.

"Dude." I narrow my eyes at Jaemin who elbowed me to which he only returns with a the-eff-is-your-problem look, a tinge of annoyance apparent on his features. Doing my best, a sigh and school down my expression to a less hostile one.

"What do you want?" I say, slipping in my things inside of my bag -- a bit forcefully if I am honest with myself.

"Are we not going to go? We're the only ones left behind! It's getting late." Jaemin asks.

"Go then," I answer unenthusiastically.

Jaemin only sighs exasperatedly as if fed up with my whole-week act, the eye-roll he gave me going unnoticed in my peripheral. He slumps at the chair near mine, throwing a small fit with his body. "Mark! Can you please stop? What has gotten your panties in such a twist?!" he spat, his pouted lips slightly muffling his voice, but his venom all the same.

"I've been biting off my comments… all week, Mark! But they've been nibbling at me like pesky parasites. And you basically forcing me to stay with you for the nth time when I'm supposed to be doing something with Hyunsung who, need I remind you, asked me out, doesn't help your case." Jaemin huffs. "Add to that the fact you've been too much of a sour pickle -- what in tarnations is actually going on?"

I halt, my heart staggering a bit as I came to the conclusion that, yes, I've been too much. The fact -- as something so normal -- that Donghyuck has a crush has seriously been getting to me. I know that. I just didn't realize it's gotten this worse for Jaemin to tell me off. "I--I'm sorry," I say.

I don't exactly know why I've gone to extreme lengths avoiding Donghyuck and all. Heck I can't even begin to understand why I'm utterly pissed at the new information about Donghyuck I've come to learn. "I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess I've gotten so caught up with what I have on my mind." I try to even out my breathing, staring off at a distance to articulate my thoughts into a coherent statement, before slumping down just like Jaemin did, burying my face in my palms.

I had woken up then, arms reaching around to feel for another warm body only to realize thay Donghyuck was nowhere in the room. Of course, I had missed him -- I wanted to have him all for myself; as selfish as I had sounded. So I went to pursue his presence, thinking it would be amazing to get my daily dose of his coddling that I've missed so much 

I wish I hadn't.

I had called out for him, thankfully very weakly, and stopped abruptly when I had heard someone sobbing softly in the kitchen. I distinctly felt that I shouldn't have listened, that it was a matter I needed not to concern myself with, but the cat's urges killed him. Even when I tried to convince myself at the scene that Donghyuck would tell me his concerns soon, I evesdropped nevertheless.

I didn't realize it until later, when Donghyuck's muffled voice said "I like him" that they were talking about someone Donghyuck fancied -- some boy who made him feel so f-cking special; a fact which I realized belatedly.

Jaemin drags quickly his chair closer to mine and not a beat later, his hand had comfortably started patting my shoulder. "Oh my goodness, Mark, calm down. What's happening?" The panic is evident in his voice, and I feel somewhat bad for not really caring about it.

To say I was confused would be an extreme understatement. Hearing it from my best friend's mouth, from an outsider's point of view, that he liked someone -- who's not a woman, but a man -- made my body burn from all the places he's touched, my head pulsate with the unwanted information, and my stomach churn uncomfortably.

"I don't know what's happening Jaem. Everything feels like it's falling apart ever-so-slightly." I peek my eye out and Jaemin's furrowed brows greet me. Although silent, I take his little nod as an urging for me to spill my troubles. "I--I've overheard something I shouldn't have and I'm so, so, troubled about it."

I don't know whether I should be honest or not -- Jaemin really isn't the rightful person to speak something so personal and deep to -- but for a moment I convince myself that I should take the leap. I need to vent before I blow up and end up hurting not only myself but others as well, that much I know.

"Donghyuck. He -- He likes someone." My body heats up, my heart's beating beginning to pick up an ungodly speed. So I breathe one, two, three times and more in an attempt to regain control of my spiralling emotions. Jaemin's hand does a great deal of help in keeping me rooted.

"Well, isn't it normal for Hyuck to like someone?" he looks down, nibbling on his lips as if finding words to say. "Isn't it?" he tries again, gently craning his head to accentuate his question.

"But he likes a man Jaemin! Donghyuck likes another man." I couldn't bite it down, even when I knew it wasn't rightful of me to divulge such a private information about Donghyuck. But it's been so bottled up inside of me for the past days I couldn't help it -- not when there were so many things I couldn't grasp. It was all too much.

Am I confused? Yes, I am.

Donghyuck, my best friend for years, had came out to me as gay -- indirectly. It feels as if I've painted an original portait for years, poured my heart and soul into perfecting it, only to find out that I've messed up a detail. It feels as though it's still the same painting, but different than what I've envisioned -- like a peculiar unfamiliarity with something so close to my heart.

It's like Donghyuck is a big fat lie -- a manufactured person. Plastic. Fake. And I know I shouldn't be feeling this type of way, shouldn't be questioning my best friend, but the seed had been planted and it continues to grow deep inside the crevices of my consciousness.

I don't exactly think of him as that -- some times, maybe -- but it feels more like the Donghyuck I 'know' is a conglomerate of misconceptions. Like my first impressions put together as one and compared to someone I've came to know like the back of my hand. Too stark of a contrast.

I don't know anymore.

"Oh." Jaemin looks away, retreating his hand and meeting his fingers to play with them together. He looks slightly taken aback, his flitting eyes a huge indicator that he was trying his best to stay collected. He bites his lip before sighing. "But… it's still okay though." He pauses to stare at me. "There's nothing wrong with liking another man, or another woman."

I cringe inwardly, how homophobic I must've sounded sinking in my mind as if an enlightenment. "Of course it isn't a problem. It's just that--" I was at a loss, not knowing what to say or how to defend and elaborate my train of thought. Because I don't know.

Jaemin breathes solemnly, looking me straight in the eyes as if he knew something I didn't. As if he saw things the way I didn't. "Why are you hurt Mark Lee?"

And I felt that.

Am I?

Maybe I am. Why is my heart clenching so hard if I'm not? Why does my heart drop and shatter over and over if I'm alright?

I sit straighter, telling myself: it's okay. I breathe in and out fearing that if I trusted myself to handle the silent breaking of my heart, I'd melt down into a puddle of goo. "I'm not hurt, Jaem," I try to deny but the rueful shine in Jaemin's eyes tell me I didn't do any good at pretending.

"Then why are tears falling from your eyes? Why do you feel so confused and angry?" Not a moment later, Jaemin thumbs the wetness in my cheeks I didn't realize were there. I cry a little harder at that, the maelstrom of emotions in my stomach sinking deeper and deeper until nothing was calm.

How could he keep those things away from me? How could he shun me from his true self?  I would accept him nevertheless -- love him no matter who he is as a person. How could he have gone liking another man who does not see him the same? How could he let himself become a slave of such painful temporary torture?

All he needed to do was tell me -- trust me. But he didn't.

But I am a hypocrite, aren't I? Sound all mighty and saintly saying I'd accept him and love him when I'm here, crying on Jaemin's should because I've left him for himself without giving so much as a half-hearted explanation why.

I'm so f-cked up for viewing him with such unfamiliarity and avoiding him beause of my unreasonable thinking. I'm hurt, confused, and angry -- yes -- but doesn't he suffer more than I do? Doesn't he like someone who couldn't return back his feelings? Doesn't he feel pained every time? He does, but I can't understand myself.

I don't want him to be gay. I don't want him to want another man and get hurt because of that. I don't want him to divert his attention to someone other than me. I don't want him sharing things to other people what I deserve to know first.

I just want my old Donghyuck back.

I miss spending time with him without having the burden of knowing his preferences. I long to hold him again without the knowledge that he yearns to touch another person in a way that burns the skin with passion. I want to talk to him normally like we always do without drifting to uncharted territories.

I'm scared. And I want him back.

"I don't know, Jaem."


	28. wandering eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Mark sTrUGglEs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am bringing you, my beloved readers, another update! I hope this is worth the wait!! :))

Mark's P.O.V.

"It all makes sense now, though." Jaemin stabs his spoon on the ice cream he had ordered, and I watch with utmost enthusiasm how the whites and dark browns mixed together to a beautiful blend of skin. "I mean, not that I've been observing, but it's hard not to notice when Donghyuck's been hanging out with Hendery more after the incident." He takes a bite.

Jaemin, after consoling me and getting me off my high pedestal of panic, decided it would be good for me to take a breather -- some time to think with an open mind to listen and offer advice, as he had put it.

Initially, I didn't really want to go. Bearing my soul like that to a friend who's never really shown the qualities of a great companion during times of self-shattering insecurities and identity-crumbling sadness was enough as it is. But the determined look on Jaemin's face was enough to nullify my previous concerns about opening up. Plus, he had kind of guilt tripped me saying: "Even if I don't look like it, please do not undermine my complexity as a human being." So here we are, tucked comfortably in an ice cream parlor booth, me taking my silence and him blabbering to essentially 'keep me uplifted'.

I do my best to supress the eye roll I'd deemed his statement was worth of, cautious not to appear too bitter or somewhat negative. "Hanging out? He's been basically stuck to his hip." I try to snort, to appear even remotely fine, but Jaemin's narrowed eyes tell me I didn't do well with that.

For some days following my evesdropping, Donghyuck made it his goal to chase after me. He was relentless with asking me questions and speaking to me, trying to pry information about just why I am acting the way I am. He'd always ask me if he did anything wrong then proceed to say sorry over and over again.

It was fine at first. I liked it that he was saying sorry and chasing after me. I felt like it was something he needed to do -- he needed to compensate me for something I, still now, don't even know what is exactly. But then it got annoying, and I quickly realized that his words were pointless. That him chasing me was pointless enough of a task.

How could he throw the word away like he knew what he did to make me act such way? How could he apologize while he bats his eyes out of ignorance? I've asked him silently during such moments, bitting back a groan at his blatant display of unsolicited concern. And honestly, it felt horrendous to watch him profusely shower me with words he didn't recognize in the slightest; like he was chasing something he had no clue about -- aimless; only there for the ride.

It's stupid, I know. Why should I mind his being homosexual when it has no bearing whatsoever on how I carry myself? It's not like him liking the same sex would make me like someone of the same sex. Homosexuality is not a communicable disease. It would be stupid of one to think so. But why should I care about who he likes? Why am I so prissy about him liking another dude? Why am I so on the edge about his special someone?

"Really, Mark? Because if I got my observations on point, you were the one who put up a barrier between the two of you," he very lightly snarls, letting out a baffled-sounding huff of air as he looked at me condescendingly, and my heart drops a little at that. It is of truth anyway; I was the one who avoided Donghyuck in the first place, and on the process created a rift between our friendship. Midway through trying to get a bite of my order, I paused and looked away, the feeling of guilty seeping into my skin.

I could have not -- I know I could have not gone through extreme motions. But I couldn't help the monster that had taken control of my sensibility. What the color of that monster is I do not know, but what I do know is that it is vicious -- possibly bad or evil. I didn't want to be that guy, but it may be a little too late now.

"Hey. I'm sorry. It -- it's just that…" he trails off, his tone tentative as he brushed his palm on my knuckles, and I turn my head to meet his concerned gaze. I did not say anything and instead waited for him to continue. "You're a little too affected when the circumstance doesn't even call for it," he finishes, retreating back to his place and continuing to eat his ice cream as, I would suppose, to try and retain normalcy out of the chaos he's plunged us into.

"Am I?" I ask quietly, averting my attention to the puddle of browns that fills my bowl halfway, too scared to see the look on Jaemin's face. "Is it too much for me to care if he's different? If he likes another guy? If he's experiencing things in an alternate way?" My thoughts ring in my ear relentlessly, over and over I start to feel nauseated from its whirring. I've wondered about them, passively, over the course of a few days, but I don't want to admit that I've been too invested about the matter. It makes it feel realer -- scary, even. A reality I can't escape.

Jaemin breathes -- sighs -- at my question, sounding like he's expected my asking as an outcome but didn't actually prepare himself for the actual scenario happening, and looks away, trying to feign ignorance before ultimately closing his eyes. "I, with complete honesty, think you are a little too invested," he says; almost begrudgingly with guilt laced in his tone.

He holds his bowl securely between his palms, his thumbs resting delicately on its raised sides. "I mean, I guess it could kind of be validated given your relationship with Donghyuck. You two are best friends, and it's normal for you to react rashly because you've been kept in the dark with his sexuality and the person that he likes. But with the way you project your feelings now -- I'm not even sure what to think." The last phrase was almost a whisper, something that I shouldn't have heard but rang in my ears anyway.

My breath hitches, an unrecognizable sensation bubbling in my chest, and I open my mouth to speak but ni words come out. "Do you perhaps…" he cuts himself off, his eyes directed to the melting ice cream in his bowl, and my heart plummets down to my stomach, heat rushing all over my body as if an immediate reaction.

Before my mind blanks out I managed to say: "No." I might have sounded defensive -- to hell I sure I did -- but I couldn't care any less about how Jaemin percieved my over-enthusiastic reply. I do not like Donghyuck any more than how I would like a brother. It would be unreasonable to assume such a feeling to flourish inside me. "I do not like him, Jaemin," I repeat, now with finality to my tone.

"But that wasn't the question I was asking, Mark." My head snaps up at his answer, eyebrows furrowing at his lack of idea expansion. I narrow my eyes at him, making it clear that his given answer wasn't enough for me to piece the fragments of what he wanted to say together. And I half expected him to avert his gaze, feel a little subdued if anything, but he leans forward with a gaze clouded enough for me to not determine how his thought process is going about.

"You liking him -- looking at him not as a best friend but as a man -- I wasn't thinking that. I wondered if you are uncomfortable about him. The slightest bit homophobic." He pauses, sighing lightly and smiling gently afterwards, as if reminiscing something. "But now that you say that, it makes great sense."

I knew I sounded like I was denying a sure idea -- a fact meant to be taken in without any hesitation -- but I wasn't. I do not like Donghyuck in the light shows him as a man, another person to love with burning passion. He is my comrade; a friend and brother I am afraid of losing just because of this slowly growing hole between us. He is no more than that. He shouldn't be any more than that.

"That would make no sense, Jaemin. Why would you assume that as a fact? Donghyuck is my brother. He is my friend and ally. I don't like him in that manner." I keep my mouth shut after that, not daring to say another word that could potentially endanger and put me in the spot again. I'm not sure I could get a more cohesive answer with how my heart is pounding so erratically inside my chest.

"So let me ask you again, Mark. Would you mind it if Donghyuck gets together with a man?"

•×•

I kicked a stray stone at the side of the road, vaguely wondering about where it possibly came from before getting distracted with the annoying thoughts that's been running on my mind -- would I mind it if Donghyuck would get together with another man? Would I mind it if I'd see him kiss another man so passionately -- devote his time to his someone unconditionally? Holding hands? Acting sweetly as if the world revolved only around the two of them? "F-ck."

Is he a man in my eyes? Donghyuck is -- well, Donghyuck. My best friend. My treasured person. Is he more than that? I don't think so. But would I feel uncomfortable if he gives himself willingly to another man? As much as I hate to admit, I would. But should I coin this to being 'attracted' to him when all my life I always liked girls? Should I change the way I look about Donghyuck just because I do not like the idea of him with someone?

I love Donghyuck; but I am hurt he's hidden something with such gravity from me. We were supposed to trust each other; treat the other as someone who we can confide to without hesitation. I love Donghyuck; but only as far as it can go. "Only as a friend," I say to myself, cringing internally at how desperate I am to stress the fact.

When I near the apartment complex, I slow my steps down, ultimately stopping when the traffic light displayed that bright shade of red, my eyes landing on the entrance where he stood, a bashful look on his eyes as he stares at another man who has his hand rested on the crook of his neck. "Donghyuck," I had wanted to call out but my voice remained small, I realizing that I'm not in the position to act so casually as though the problem I've made to be bigger than it is doesn't exist. But do I not have the right to feel like I deserve his attention? I don't know.

"Stop." I didn't recognize the word that came out of my mouth, nor did I fully think when I muttered it out to hang in the air like some sickening tension, but I knew of the pain that reverberated inside of my whole body as I watch him let Hendery touch him on the arm, the brushing his thumb made barely visible but accentuated in my vision.

It was the same pain as when Donghyuck first ignored me -- when he chose to run away before trying to solve the situation he had deemed as a problem. It was the same but a little different -- with an extra amount of pinch in my constricting chest. I feel like I couldn't breathe; like my heart was trying so hard to pump blood but it couldn't; like my chest didn't voluntarily take in air and just gave up.

I raised a hand up my chest and rested it there, feeling how extreme the beating of my heart is.

I don't understand.

"Donghyuck."

He smiles a little, lips moving animatedly as the other listened with a gentle look on his face. They talk for a while before Hendery steps closer, enveloping Donghyuck into a hug, forearms tight on Donghyuck's waist. And if I had the want to punch Hendery straight in the face, I didn't act on it. What authority do I have, anyway?

Donghyuck waves at the retreating figure of Hendery, a gentle look cast on his face as if the other was some precious gem. And then he turns.

Our eyes meet.

"Why am I hurt?" I whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop your thoughts down below, UWU!


	29. the road split in two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's that part of the book. (Spoiler's won't be fun. Wink wink. >^<)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo, ladies and gents! And yes, it's been FAR. TOO. LONG. I know I left y'all in the deep dark for so long, but the AWAITED chapter is HERE! I hope y'all like it!
> 
> I know, it like, took me about a month to, like, have an update put up. But some new hobbies are keeping me busy. Like, watching k-dramas, sketching, and etc. So, yeah.... *coughs in busy*
> 
> ALSO, I watched Hotel del Luna recently and THAT ending got me all MESSED UP. LOIK. Okay, boo, chill. U making my heart ACHE.
> 
> ALSO, ALSO, this is -- as per usual -- UN-beta-ed. I'm so excited to share this to you, like, I literally CANNOT wait. So, yeah!!!
> 
> OKAY. READ. IMMA STOP NOW. XOXO.

Mark's P.O.V.

I couldn't read his eyes -- I'd tried oggling at them, tried so desperately to seek the slightest bit of something in them, but to no avail his eyes gave away nothing. But I didn't speak on it of fear that I'd say something that could cut the thin line of string that held us from complete damnation. I didn't want to speak tentatively -- wage war and go to battle without even so much as a half-baked plan. Not when I had been the first one to wound him. Not when we hung so close to our end.

So when he turned away a couple of minutes into our staring, the only thing I was able to do was breathe. In relief. And I wanted to punch myself for taking comfort in his despondence, wanted to smack my head for being at ease when he avoided my gaze as if we didn't know each other. As if we were strangers to one another.

I ended up not talking to him, not even a single 'hi' or a nod when I had entered the premise. How could I build up my dwindling confidence when he didn't even acknowledge me? His turned back didn't even flinch when I had audibly made a sound by opening the door. He only stood up straighter and left, going about to do some business to goodness knows where.

But, yes, albeit my initial calm, it hurt. His lack of presence in my life and his wordless resolve to give up on making me talk -- it all made my heart clench in my chest a painful beating. But then again, I circle back to the root cause of this impasse -- me. Should I really have the privilage to silently demand for his efforts when I was the one to plant the seeds of misunderstandings?

I had so foolishly avoided him because of my unsolicited thoughts -- too childish lower myself when the time called for such act of understanding. I swallowed my irrationality whole and now it had consumed me; turning this -- whatever it is -- into something bigger than it actually is. I'd been to blinded by something I can't quite put my finger on and let it seep sickly into my thoughts.

"I'm going to fix this mess," I said with conviction staring at the untouched plate in front of me, the spoon in my hand only an unneeded prop I placed down on the dining table. "I'm going to fix this." I breathe, balling my fist in an attempt to cool the heat that had slowly started to build up inside of me once I had entertained the idea of apologizing.

It burned my stomach like acid, bubbling and intensely gnawing on my flesh with bites of poison -- all this because it was my fault. Because I know this all wouldn't have happened if I hadn't allowed my underlying thoughts to devour me -- take a hold of me until I got used to its grasping and changed my ways. 

So I inhaled. Deep -- as if drawing strength from the deepest depths of my being. And almost a breathless exhale -- nerves surfacing again despite the building adrenaline. It was nauseating, my head light from the possible outcomes that may arise out of this debacle. But I needed to be strong -- just brave enough to embrace my misdeed and ameliorate the situation as it should be.

•×•

I tentatively knocked on the door of our shared room, unsure of how to proceed. "Donghyuck?" I asked, internally cringing at how small my voice came out. I hadn't knocked on the door for the past days, nor had we had any conversations inside the room. It was silence that reigned in the apartment, neither him or I found in the same place being comfortable with the arrangement. I couldn't blame him for shutting me out.

I purse my lips, right foot rapidly tapping on the surface beneath me at the lack of response Donghyuck had shown. And I breathe again, convincing myself once again that I needed to do this. So without another thought I open the door, quietly stepping inside and closing the door that I didn't make any alarming sound.

My eyes land on Donghyuck's laying figure on the bed, his weight anchored to a side. I debated whether or not I should pursue my initial plan. His eyes were closed, and the inflation and deflation of his chest was smooth, but the small squirms of his body strongly indicated his consciousness to the whole scenario. "Hyuck," I call again; and noticed how his hand subtly clenched at the call of his name.

I suck a breath when he moves to curl in on himself even more; as if he doesn't want me there regardless of my reasons. As if putting a barrier between the two of us. "I know you're awake." I scoot over, pausing with every step in uncertainty. I haven't completely thought things through, but I do know that I want to clear things up -- patch the tear on the fabric of our relationship.

"I want to talk." I figured honesty would be the best course of action to take at this point. But would he consider it when I'd hurt him so much? I hope he does. "I was wrong." And I had initially expected no response to come from him, for silence to keep reigning in the atmosphere; only miniscule shifting motions to manifest discomfort at the unfolding scenario.

I thought I'd imagined it -- the small, disbelief-laced exasperated inhaled that ghosted the air -- but when Donghyuck's eyes flutter open, staring ahead as they glistened beautifully against the warm light courtesy of the bedside lamp, I swallowed the small lump on my throat. "What's there to talk about, Mark."

I knew it wasn't a question for me to answer. His tone had been too sharp and final, and left no room for any argumentative counters. And I couldn't speak, the littlest semblance of a plan I had drifting from my mind in less time than I could breathe a full cycle.

"I--" I wasn't sure if I had any more strength inside me to push through the absolution I'd made. The small sentence he'd said, much as I would admit, had greatly bruised my feelings. Of course, all rightfully; being I was the one to bring this upon us. So I close my eyes and breathe deeply, trying my best to channel the shakiness in my heart out of my system.

Without really thinking much, I let my instictive -- more emotional -- side take over, cautiously trudging the little space that separated us. "Hyuck," I say almost breathlessly as the bed dips upon contact with my weight. I try to not lose myself right there -- not to completely break when I press my palm on his warm forearms, my skin blazing with little electric buzzing at the touch I've craved for. "Hyuck I'm sorry," I whisper, too unsure of what else to say -- what could possibly mend the strain between us.

I couldn't comperehend the sheer amount of emotions I'm feeling, how they all swirled chaoticaly inside my sunken stomach. My heart staggers constantly in my chest, the moreso it reacts violently when Donghyuck turns his head to look at me, his eyes big -- hopeful and searching. "Hyuck." My voice sounded unrecognizable, muffled by layers of extreme moisture in my throat and further distorted by the shaking in my chest.

And I couldn't help it. I couldn't help running my hand over his chest, securing my arm over it in a strong embrace, and plopping down to press my body against his as if in dire desperation. It wasn't far from the truth, anyway.

"I'm sorry." I don't know how much I needed to repeat it. And, for goodness sake, I don't know if I said it to him or more to myself. My head was pounding, and I needed to assure myself I was sound; as if I'm not imagining the feeling of him against my skin. As if the nervous, feverish grumbling inside my body wasn't driving me crazy -- over the edge.

"You did nothing wrong." I pull him closer; if that was even possible. I couldn't get enough of the touch; like a deprived beast finally indulging on it's prey. I couldn't get enough of him -- of the tingles he'd unknowingly sent running down my spine when he turns slowly, hands snaking up to my shoulder blades and trailing fire along the unclothed expanse of my skin, and breathes calmly along the crook of my neck. "Mark." His sweet voice comes barreling down my ear to my unstable heart, and I feel waves of relief radiate over my entirety, warmth engufling me.

I bite my lip, our eyes meeting halfway, and oddly enough, I felt like I was bearing my soul for him to see. Like I was a child faced to him, my mouth honest and my broken heart open for anything at all. I was supposed to be strong, to assert confidence as I begged for forgiveness. But instead, I needlessly broke down, my inexpicable emotions getting a hold of me so strong I wasn't able to control myself.

And I felt lost, but safe in his touch.

"I -- I was so confused, Mark. I didn't know what I did wrong." His nose had turned a pretty shade of pink, and his voice was laced with something wet, but I hadn't replied with anything.  "What happened, Mark?" as expected, he continued, his hand that was then on my shoulder ascending to my jaw to thumb said area.

My body heats up. Maybe from his question. Maybe from his touches that seemed to pierce through my skin hotly. But I choose to disregard the thoughts rapidly flashing in my mind in favor of leaning in on his palm. I don't care if I look needy -- because I do need him. "What happened?" he asks again, almost a whisper this time, as he leans in. Our foreheads touch and every bit of reluctance in my system vanisnes.

"I heard you and Renjun the day after."

His thumbing stops and I could hear him suck a breath. "W-What?" He looks afraid -- petrified, even -- as he retreats his hand away from my face. But I chase it, holding it securely in mine then intertwining our fingers together. He breathes. One -- two -- and another time more before he opens his mouth; presumably to speak. But only incoherent chatters come out of his reddened lips, and he shuts them together.

"I didn't understand my emotions then. I still don't now," I begin but immediately get cut off when he grips on the fabric near my abdomen. The panic in his eyes is unmistakeable, and it sends me into a frenzy thinking whether or not I should've gone against breaching the topic so nonchalantly. But before I could even do so as retract what I'd said, he rushes, "Are you disgusted?" 

His voice screams of desperation, unsaid fears inside of his deepest self being unearthed brutally by the words I had thrown out in the open. And panic rushes mercilessly in my chest, my heart beating rapidly at the way his eyes gleamed with shiny tears. At how his clammy hands held onto me as if his life depended on the fabric that softly clung onto my body.

"I don't care who you you like." He stops. "Whoever that man is. I don't care." And then he breathes. Ragged. Like his chest was staggering from a long run -- breathless, chasing -- but the relief was there. Unmistakably. It was prevalent even as his tears fell. Even moreso when he closed his eyes and caved into the small bend my torso had taken. And if a million questions had popped up in my mind, I'd made the decision to entertain them later.

"I thought…" he trails off and repeats it again. It was more of a whisper, not meant for me to be heard but there for the atmosphere to absorb without another thought. I'd wanted to ask why; the sudden tug in my chest a strong pang of curiosity. But I'd swallowed it and hugged him instead, making sure I'd enveloped him comfortably.

"I'm sorry." I rub his back soothingly, closing my eyes as my lips found their way to his forehead. I didn't know what to say, so I let my lips linger there for a few seconds before gently tucking in his head on the crook of my neck. I suck in a breath, willing myself to stay pliant when all I wanted to do but so. His breath fanning on me is distracting to say the least.

We remain silent for the better part of how many minutes had passed, only ever moving to shuffle closer. But I know I couldn't keep up the silence. Not if I want to clear the air. Not if I want to be sure we're making it out of this together.

"Sorry for making you uncomfortable."

"It's -- It's nothing. Just…" He pushes himself away, just enough to bare his face at close proximity. "I thought I'd f+cked everything up." And I felt it -- there was more to his words than he thought he'd let on -- but held back my tongue. He closed his eyes and chewed on his lip birefly. "I was really scared. Especially because you had avoided me like the plague."

"And for that I'm incredibly guilty." I find myself staring at his lips, my mind drifting to places it shouldn't be in, and a familiar burning sensation flares up in my chest again. I've recognized it now. Possessiveness; that's what it was. That's what I'm feeling. Why I'm tightening my embrace. Why I want to sheild him from the world. Why I want for him to only look at me. Why I want none of the one he likes.

"I avoided you because I didn't want it to sink in." True, but not quite. I didn't want it to. It was surreal and didn't make a lot of sense. But for all the small realizations I'd made, the initial nonesense I'd thought the situation to be was only so shallow of a reasons compared to what lies in my subconscious. And I wonder if I'd always thought this way. If I always was so selfish to keep wanting Donghyuck by my side. Is it a best friend thing?

"Does it make you uncomfortable?" I didn't miss the slight wince on Donghyuck's tone -- how he seemed to be so small under me, almost writhing at the prospect he'd conjured in his mind. Even though he couldn't see me, I shake my head a 'no'. "I guess I'm just really possessive over you. So I didn't want to accept it." I try to chuckle at my honesty but it comes out as something akin to an animalistic, hoarse rumble. So I clear my throat.

Deciding it us for the better, I continue. "I don't want you to like someone else, Hyuck. I'm afraid of losing you. You've been with me for longer than I could even imagine. We've been through thick and thin. Essential ups and downs. You've been with me during my firsts, and everything in between. You own a good chunk of my heart, Hyuck." I hesitate, my eyes avoiding his now open ones. "So you liking someone else made me really afraid and possessive," I finish.

I was scared to look at Donghyuck. Everything I feared could manifest in his face, and I do not want that. But the small, upbeat, words he'd uttered next assured me that I was fine. We are fine. "I… own a good chunk of your heart?"

My heart swells at the sight of him looking at me with something akin to childish wonder, like I'd just told him some good news that's last him a year. And I didn't know how to reply. Nothing seemed right, because albeit the normalcy of everything, how right it seemed to be, there is a different tint to the pretext how which the look he's given me has spurred from. However, I settle with: "You're my best friend. Of course you do."

I regret it instantly.

The smile ceases from his face, lips dropping down to something smaller -- something more miniscule to be considered anything but something. His eyes drop down low, and he clears his throat, before making any move to untangle us two. When he succeeds, he caved in on himself as if he wanted protection.

I don't understand.

"Hyuck?" My eyes swim up and down, observing his actions that weren't necessarily appropriate. Weren't things supposed to take a turn for the better now? Why does it feel as if I made a mistake? Again.

I try to reach out, wanting to do even so much as brush the tip of my palm along his shoulder to make sure he's alright, but the moment we touch, he starts shaking. Uncontrollably. "Hyuck!" I grew worried, moreso than I already was, when small, dry sobs rip through the silence that had permeated around us. "What's going on?!"

It goes on for a little bit longer, until he eventually calms down from whatever attack he's had. I was about to ask a question when he pushes me and stands up, wobbling ever-so-slighlty at the sharpness of his movements. Then he starts turning away, condition devoid of anything -- even life.

With panic still thumping in my chest, a stand, as quickly as he did, trying not to feel nauseated at the speed of which I did so, and within some seconds of brisk movements I do reach him, my hand securely wrapped on his wrist. "Hyuck. Please tell me what's wrong." I am confused, yes, but even if he gives the vaguest of answers -- just so long as it hints that everything is fine -- then I'll be okay. I'll take it. Just if he's okay. I don't want him to hurt even more than he is hurting now.

But Donghyuck keeps his face away from me, keeps avoiding the look I'm giving him. "Please, Hyuck. You can tell me anything. I'm your best friend." I'd beg if I have to. I just want for things to be okay. And for a hot minute, I think things had taken a sharp turn -- finally for the greater good -- when Donghyuck lifts his head up. But that moment was cut short when he smiles weakly, a chilling laugh bubbling from his chest.

"That's the problem, Mark." He inhales sharply, eyes with beads of tears sitting on the rims darting to wherever else but me. "I'm your best friend and you're mine." Donghyuck looks down, his eyes training to my hand that held his, and I feel my body burn when he pries his out of my grip. I look at him, confused, but he only breathes shakily. Exasperated almost. Exhausted.

"Good gracious, is that all I'm ever going to be?"

My eyebrows furrow even more at his words, some part of my brain working to figure out his words. "Hyuck," i say, "w-what?" My heart starts beating like it wanted out of my ribcage, some thought suddenly clicking. I hold my hand out again, but he flinches.

"I-I don't want to be your best friend, Mark." And Donghyuck cries. "I like you." He stares right through me. "So much more than you'd ever known."

I had no words. I'd tried to speak, but no words that I'd tried to remotely articulate came out. I became a numb body of hot, burning fire, and I couldn't begin to make sense of anything. It's like my mind died on the spot. As if with Donghyuck's words left all logic that I have.

So when Donghyuck smiles weakly, I couldn't move nor react. "We're reached an impasse; or maybe even a dead end. I'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, wad'dya think? HAHAHA.
> 
> I know y'all are probably pissed or upset.
> 
> Sound off in the comments down below! <3
> 
> xoxo,  
> moonjs


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